Difference between revisions of "QuotesofGoodness"

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(Overheard on ECR)
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-[[Rynel]] and one of his players, building his second non-Alchemical.
 
-[[Rynel]] and one of his players, building his second non-Alchemical.
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== Comments ==
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From [http://www.patternspider.net/forums/viewtopic.php?p=119768#p119768 a post] by Thanqol:
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A friend of mine went in to have his appendix removed, and while hopped up on anasthetic he sent me the following email:
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"I think I finally get Malfeas now. Some tiny, useless part of him tried to kill him, and instead paralysed him and left him in utter, immobilized agony, trapped in a tiny, boring room with people he can't stand. The things I'd do to that thing if I ever got my hands on it."
  
  
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== Comments ==
  
 
Would anyone be offended if I sorted through these and tried to pull out some of the cooler ones? This page was awesome when it started, but we've had so many people quoting themselves or their GMs or whoever that now its just kind of silly. -MeiRen
 
Would anyone be offended if I sorted through these and tried to pull out some of the cooler ones? This page was awesome when it started, but we've had so many people quoting themselves or their GMs or whoever that now its just kind of silly. -MeiRen

Revision as of 17:15, 30 December 2009

This page is here for some of the more humorous moments in forums, chat rooms, or games you might have. Note that this is where stuff that is amusing goes. Cool ideas, spiffy insight, or good examples go to the QuotesofCoolness page. Enjoy:) Also, if you add to this, be sure to update the update date, so folks know when something new has been added.

Newest stuff at the bottom.
Created by Blaque

I blame society. More and more, it seems that the underprivileged are channeled into degenerate, diffuse lives of drugs, sex, Exalted, and crime, degrading themselves day in and day out in search of their next fix. People have tried to address this problem by preferentially arresting people with the 'gamer look', by GUTB's popular "War on Exalted" program, and by shooting down boats coming out of Atlanta loaded with castebooks, but sometimes it seems like nothing can stem this crimson tide. Myself, I find that the only way I can cope is by RPG profiteering---at least, I can make a quick buck off the world's decay into chaos.

When I am alone, I weep.

--RSB

In Exalted, I play a guy who was so incredibly cool, so much more hip than anyone else in the world, that God Himself showed up and said, "Hey, I thought this world was pretty dumb, but I saw how awesome you were just then, so maybe I was wrong. Go forth and kick much ass in my name." And I turned unto God and said, "Rock."

--Randil

I loathe you with the burning intensity of a thousand suns.

Beyond Yu-Shan is nothing. Check, that might be Nothing.
Beyond Creation is the Wyld.
Beyond the Underworld, well, Oblivion in one direction. Elsewhere... we ain't sure.
Beyond Malfeas is the endless desert, Cecylene (I think that's the right one). It (he? she?) is endless.
Beyond Autocthonia, can't remember, might be the Wyld.
The Wyld is, well, it just is.

There isn't a roadmap.

If it's any consolation, at one point, one of our editors (James Stewart, if you're reading this, Justin) asked me why I didn't just make a game called "Dinosaurs versus Robots".

Geoffrey C. Grabowski
Exalted Developer, WWGS
raindog@white-wolf.com

UC: "Yes, they all have Essence 10 and are First Age ass kickers, but I am the Lord thy God, and thou shalt not fail while in my service."

PC1: So, um, you'll help?

UC: I have many things which weigh upon my mind, and my attentions are divided thusly. Fear not though, for my hand is stretched forth still.

PC2: So, um, you'll at least watch?

UC: Do not presume to question the ways of thy Lord thy God, for he is quick to anger and his ways are mysterious before thy sight.

PC3: So, basically, you're sending us to face the 5 biggest ball-busters in creation while you play the games, right?

UC: And I looked, and I beheld that he was wise.

PC3: ::flips off the UC:: I fucking hate this job....

Now that is a frightening thought. What're you going to do when god is a crack addict? Tough love isn't exactly the best solution.

Abyssals are angsty and prettier than you. The purpose of Abyssals is to flip out and kill people. They generally consider it a humanitarian gesture.

Emprint

I suspect that's partially because the last time another system said it was better than Exalted, Exalted drew its mighty sword, that legendary blade called Five Demons Roaring, assumed the Flesh-Ripping Anticipation Stance, and carved its initials into the other system's chest in a single flowing motion that was followed up by a slap on each cheek with the flat of the blade. It then conquered the lands once held by the system, slaughtering three armies to a man in doing so, and took the fallen task-resolution mechanic's concubines as its own.

The Incredible Hatboy

And if you've got Corona of Radiance, then you can get Blazing Solar Bolt which lets you shoot holy laser beams of destruction from your forehead.

Isaac

A begining sorceror can be killed by a common housecat. (D&D)
A begining sorceror can lay mighty nations to ruin. (Exalted)

Belphanior

Yeah, because there's been all those _other_ games where you play an incandescent demigod busting out cosmic kung-fu on soul-sucking elves from beyond the edge of a flat world while the vengeful ghosts of your predecessors gnaw at the underpinnings of reality, an empire of elementally-empowered supersoldiers are gunning for your hide while backstabbing each other, and critters that make C'thulhu look like Hello Kitty try to break back into the world so they can TORTURE it.

Arbane the Terrible

Player: "I use my spell to go to Malfeans."

ST: "Are you sure?"

Player: "Yeah! I wanna make an infernal pact and get kewl powerz!"

ST: "All right, then. Your spell opens a swirling disk of shadow that moans and shrieks piteously. A terrible cold seeps from the unknowable beyond. What do you do?"

Player: "I jump through!"

ST: "Ok, then. You find yourself in a cave..."

Player: "A cave?"

ST: "Yes, damn it, a cave. There is a matched row of bleached stalagtites and stalagmites forming an arc behind where you appeared. The floor is slick and squishy and the air smells fetid like a grave. Ahead, darkness defies the light of your anima in a tunnel leading away and down."

Player: "Cool! I walk that way."

ST: "Um, ok... you walk about fifty paces when the ground shakes. Please roll Dexterity + Athletics, dif 2"

Player: "3 successes!"

ST: "You keep your balance as the interlocking wall of bleached spikes grinds and gnashes far behind you. You begin to hear a low sibilant murmur that fills your ears."

Player: "What does it say?"

ST: "So you're going to stop and listen?"

Player: "I bet this is where I make my pact! Bring on the power! Yeah, I listen."

ST: "Ok, it says... aw, heck, give me a Willpower roll, would you?"

Player: "Sure, what's the dif?"

ST: "10."

Player: "10?! What the fuck?!"

ST: "Just roll the damn dice. Come on. You wanted to go to Malfeans. I don't want to hear it."

Player: "I just wanted kool powerz! Um... 4 successes."

ST: "Marvellous. You don't actually understand the Whispers so much as they erase understanding and the desire for understanding. You find utter, arduous peace. You know what you must do. You run into the darkness, leaping ahead at the final step. You fall down the chute of barbed spikes flaying the skin and flesh from your bones. And yet the power within you goes on, your ghost descending toward its ultimate unmaking in the belly of the Neverborn."

Player: "That sucks! You suck! I want my money back!"

ST: "You didn't pay anything, remember?"

Player: "Fuck you! I'm going home!

So remember, kids, the moral of this story: friends don't let friends play with cosmic evil they can't correctly pronounce.

(This message brought to you by the Society For the Preservation of Idiotic Occultists Against Lovecraftian Horrors.)

--Neph

I hate you with the firey passion of a thousand suns. No, really. My rage will burn down the endless forests of the east and boil the oceans of the west. The north shall become a burning desert by my hand, and the south a wasteland of melting rock and scorched bone. The Imperial Isle will be naught by a crater when I am done, an ignoble mass grave for those who oppose me.

So, yeah, I want a copy.

--bv728s

Crossbows don't care how cool the wielder is. To an Exalted, that's the real anathema - Creation must RESPECT the coolness of the Exalts!

DivineCoffeeBinge

Kind of like Deathlords, but a bit less uber, because the Deathlords have immortality v.2.0, developed in response to Malfean complaints that immortality v.1.0 was buggy.


-RSB

Incidentally: The best way to defeat a Sidereal martial artist, if an NPC, is to use sneaky Larceny-style tricks to slip your armor onto them when they're not looking.


-RSB

The Malfeans were killed by means of the Zero Stunt, the Platonic ideal of which three-die stunts are merely shadows.

ikselam

Hmmm...

I keep thinking "Ok, dropped into the setting of Exalted, and I could..." But this is always finished with the thought of "OH GOD NO! I'm freakin' TOAST in Creation! I'd be a normal joe, and normal joes have a life-expectancy of about 0.014 seconds around most cool things in Creation."

--tk421

Hey, Exalted could be nice if you've read your sourcebooks properly. Consider for example that according to Sidereals, there are only two GODS in all of creation that know of the great curse, and it's practically the first thing you learned about the world. Not to mention that you know more about the deathlords and their plans than the entire Sidereal faction ever will. Stuff like that.

But I'm mortal and will die a gruesome death before I can capitalize on this, you say? Look, there's an awful amount of exaltation going on right now, and if your Lore 7 in an Essence 1 body don't impress the gods, I don't know what will.

--Melle

[In Exalted,] the gods don't personally smite blasphemers, disbelievers and heretics - they subcontract out.

Exalted not only jumped the shark, it jumped the whole damned ocean. The force of the leap was so great that water and hapless sharks alike were pulled along in Exalted's wake, scattering the sunlight into a million rainbow shards and ominous pelagic silhouettes. Just before landing, Exalted turned around and started running back along the backs of the sharks as they flew, razor teeth foremost, directly into the camp of Those Other Games, who were caught napping and consumed.

Its enemies defeated or awestruck, Exalted then proceeded to engage in an epic kung fu battle against a convenient local mountain range, merely as an encore.

The Fonz "heyed", for at long last the phrase for lameness he had unwittingly inspired was so thoroughly subverted by Exalted's action that The Fonz was cool again merely by association.

--Gregor

What would you doo-o-o for a Klondike Bar?
Announcer Guy: Would you.... Stand on your head?
Old Man: Sure! *stands on head*
Announcer Guy: Would you.... Cluck like a chicken?
Old Man: Alright! *clucks like a chicken*
Announcer Guy: Would you.... Usurp the Solars?
Old Man: You've got it! *rigs Great Prophecy*

--Mnemosynis

Yozi: I want two dozen flayed babies with a side order of three still beating hearts. In exchange, I shall grant you Phenomenal Cosmic Power (TM).

Sorcerer: No dice. Let's make it ten babies and one heart. I'll use a rusty knife to cut it out, though.

Yozi: Pitiful mortal. You shall obey us! 24 and 3. That is our final offer.

Sorcerer: Look, Cthu. Can I call you Cthu? You're really not in a bargaining position here. You want blood, I want spells. I'm offering you a really good deal here with 10 and 1, but for the sake of past dealings, I'll throw in a puppy.

Yozi: A puppy?

Sorcerer: Yep. A puppy. Ten babies, one freshly cut heart and a puppy. What do you say? That's worth a magma kraken, right?

Yozi: It shall be done.


Sorcerer: Lovely, lovely. A pleasure doing business with you as always.

-Neph

The best thing about Exalted is that you can fight leper-ninjas who wield nunchuks made out of their own dropped-off limbs... and nobody thinks this is inappropriate.

-- Belphanior

In Re: Abyssal Command Level 5

With enough zombies, all things are possible. - Malikai

Today one of my soon-to-be Abyssal players had a great gamer quote: "Ok... Liege... so this means I'm getting points for being someone's Familiar?"

I love this game.

--Neph

from rpgnet:

But Abyssals can learn Sidereal-level styles too. ^_^ - Topher

That's cause they're solars in poet shirts.

Exquisite Depression Form!
Nobody Understands My Torment Prana!
Artful Eyepencil Technique!
Bauhaus Stance!

- Patrick Y.

The Difference Between DnD and Exalted:

From "spatulalad," on RPG.net:

D&D: "Okay, you enter the tavern and head to the bar. As you're sipping some ale, you overhear some rough looking half-orcs talking dirty to the daughter of the guy in charge of the caravan you're guarding. What do you do?"

Exalted: "Okay, you enter the city and kill off the current ruler and set yourselves up as the overlords. As you're setting up court, your Night Caste reads the lips of a messenger a mile away and figures out that one of the Dragon-Blooded viziers is plotting with a demon lord of the Second Circle to eat the souls of the first born children of all people in your city and then use the ritual's power to make a ten story First Age warmachine that shoots laserbeams from its eyes. Also, there are ninjas. What do you do?"

"Wyld-Shaping Technique, huh? Are you telling me that you finally figured out how to work with something that isn't part of your little Creation, and all you can think of is to make more Creation? Do you have no imagination at all?!"

NatalieD

Um... what, exactly, are you talking about? If you're referring to 23-40 year old players, well, that's got nothing to do with Exalted. If you're referring to anything in the actual game, I'm extremely confused, because pretty much every man, woman, and god in the setting is (by modern Earth mainstream standards) extremely cynical about all things sexual, and the entire ruling class of the Realm fucks absolutely anything that moves, several things that don't, and probably a few things that don't even exist.

The Incredible Hatboy

Exalted is the game where Li Mu Bai, Jackie Chan, Cloud, and Shinobi team up with Loki, and Vampire Hunter D, in order to defeat the Demon Aku, while avoiding getting caught in the geopolitical manipulations of the Centauri from Babylon 5, who are in turn, being secretly manipulated by the Jedi.

And just when you think you've got *that* handled, they throw in the Terminator.

Funksaw, with my favourite description of Creation

A great Sidereal campaign would be to ensure the distruction of Gem? Doesn't matter how or by whom, but for the sake of all creation, Gem must be destroyed!

Robert A. Rodger

ST- Yu Shan is filled with thousands of small gods, gods for every possible creature, thing and concept that exists in Creation and many that no longer do.

Player- So somewhere out there there's a goddess of oral sex?

ST- Yes, I suppose.

Player- God I love this game.

From Odin's last Sidereal game, courtesy of Matt of the One Tracked Mind

Ah, the humble thrown stick, the universal instant temperament gauge for use upon meeting new Lunars.

If they chase it, retrieve it and drop it at your feet, then you are mistaken. This is actually your pet dog, not a Lunar.


If they simply look confused, they're likely to have bull or gnu or similar ruminant totems. They're pushovers, feed them some sugar cubes and scratch them behind the ears and they're yours for life.

If they glower at you, then erupt into 10' tall hybrid killing machines, then congratulations! You know what their totem is, you know what their Tell is and you know they have Deadly Beastman Transformation! Also, your memory might be refreshed as to what you had for breakfast this morning and what your spleen looks like. On the downside, it's possible that they're the kind who are easily provoked.

If there is a splash, they have salmon, dolphin, orca, squid or similar totems. Handle with care, they tend to have tentacles, mysterious organs and other squiggly things.

--slim_pick3ns

Nukes suck -- you can't engage in heroic banter while dueling with one or anything.

Stephenls

"Hey, Bob. What're you up to?"
"Oh, nothing much, Sam. I'm creating a spell that will give me total and ultimate control over a region."
"Total and ultimate? Like what?"
"Well, I'll get the use and Essence of all the Demesne in the region - all the Hearthstones from them, too. And it'll make the mortals more dim and pliable than they already are. And spells will cost less for me."
"Cool. Good lu- Whaa?"

Yes, but gods are more important than people. Just ask them.

--Neph

The A-Circle - a renegade Circle of Solar Exalted, wanted for a crime they didn't commit. Based out of Nexus, these four heroes travel across creation in their 1st Age war wagon, helping the innocent and thumbing their noses at the Wyld Hunt.

"In RY 972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly Exalted and escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Nexus underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Circle"

--Tatsu

A game set in the true Wyld:


ST: You are running through duck smoke. You smell fresh crystals in your toes. Underhead, angry chairs rupture your strangest desires. What do you do?

Player: What?

ST: Roll Charisma plus Throwing.

Player: Uh, three successes.

ST: The milk dragon entwines your hopes in a ocean of screaming snails. Your psyche has separated from your consciousness and run off with your foot.

Player: What?

ST: (throws book at player)

Player: Ow! What the hell is wrong with you?!

ST: I'm just trying to be totally random. Keep you on your toes, you know? Capture the feel of the Wyld.

Player: Let's just go back to playing Solars.

Something spawned in #WoD involving whether gods could send prayers to eachother as a form of communication and the sort of things they'd say:

"O! Most Exalted And Wondrous Underling Of Mine! In Your Scintillant Wisdom I Bask! In Your Inestimable Judgement I Take Comfort, For Only One Thing Can Trouble Me: Why aren't you at work yet, you lazy bastard?" --OrigamiFox

another quote from #WoD, about making stuff happen if its cool...even if the books don't *say* you can

"<ST-Mox> This is Exalted. Handwavium is a major component. :D"

Exalted is a game where one of your main antagonists is Death, Creator of the Underworld. Except there's several of him, probally six or seven. Oh, and he's got 13 dread henchmen, one of whom was probally you at some point in time. Also, Hell has a personal grudge against you this time. Did I mention Magical America regularly trains and sends ninjas out for you personally? Ninjas specially trained in asskicking? Which, if they won't work, they keep giant robotic suits of armor on reserve for. Oh, and the Transformers have united under Omicron, and are invading. The Jedi have corrupted Heaven and usurped your rightful place as the Masters of Everything. Your ex-wife just dropped by, and she's a two thousand year old shapechaning maneating monser now, interested in maybe going on a date next Thursday. Your best friend from your last life and while growing up now seeks to cover all the lands of Middle Earth in darkness, if he can just find this damn ring. And your God has the world's biggest crackhabit, and needs some serious rehab. DS

Luckily, someone tapped the biggest buch of asskickers who have ever lived to clean up this mess. Congratulations. You're it. :) Gamlain upon reading the above.

"Ah, Nexus! The city of one thousand names!"
"Yeah but only about a hundred of those are printable and only about ten of the printable ones are even nice....."
--BrilliantRain

Really, between Aztec cyborgs and Cthulhu elves, what more do you need?

--Sir Bob

So a Mountain Folk and an Alchemical walk into a bar...

"So, you're a dwarf, huh?"

The Jadeborn grunted.


"I hear ya."

"Giant robot?"

"Yah."

"Fight the power, man. Fight the power."

They drink in silence for a while.


"Do you ever think, maybe we're the normal ones?" asked the dwarf.

"Nah," says the Alchemical.

They drink in silence.

"But it's good," says the Alchemical. "I hate those normal ones."

This is entirely and totally unrelated to anything Michael may have written.

--RSB

C'mon, man. LARP Warstriders would be fantastic. Can't you see the guys wearing refrigerator boxes labeled "I AM A SOULSTEEL ROYAL WARSTRIDER?" Win!

-- AntiVehicleRocket, pointing out the critical flaws of Exalted LARP

Re: An alternate setting where the Usurpation failed and the Solar rule is unchallenged... "Our Most Righteous and Holy God has Deigned to Bless 57 Citizens - Gift of death bestowed upon lucky families." - DigitalSentience

"The Solar schtick is Unrestrained Potential. If a Solar sets his mind to something he can do it. Maybe not as well as a master of some other schtick, but it doesn't matter because he's the master of ten schticks. Twenty schticks. MORE. I WILL DEFEAT THE PACIFIC OCEAN!"

--Redfox

I had this post about how Solars had the best charm trees in [X list of abilities] until I realised that only Abyssals equaled them in [Y list of Abilities] and surpassed them narrowly in [Z list of Abilities], whereupon I didn't bother posting it, since I wasn't saying anything more profound than "Solars are the best at everything, but results may vary based on shininess and gothitude".

--Kasumi

Solos: The mint with the Unbridled Power of the Unconquered Sun
-- written by DeathBySurfeit in my game while waiting for his turn in combat, and probably eaten by his character at much the same time. I have yet to stat them, but a tube may be artifact • (Darloth)

What's with all the homosexuals? Leave some action for us heterosexuals. Quick, before Gopher Counterpoint starts hitting on me again! -Resplendence, in the midst of a late night conversation about names... (Suzume)

Orichalcum is the new black. --a player in MetalFatigue's game (not Toram)




Y'know, I bet the celestial gods try to keep an eye out for any more Sidereal Great Ideas. Even if they don't know why things tend to go to Malfeas in a handbasket when a bunch of the shiny star people get together, I imagine they're not quite stupid enough to not notice something of a pattern.

Sidereal Bob: "Hey, Celestial God Joe! How's it going? By the way, me and the guys have this great plan..."
Celestial God Joe: "I... see... Hey, I have to go do a... thing. Talk to you later."

Celestial God Larry: "What's the big emergency, Joe?"
CGJ: "The Sidereals have another Very Clever Plan."
CGL: "Misbegotten son of a wyld-mutated goat! Get the censors! Marshal the celestial lions! Deploy the martial weather!"

--Random Nerd

"Don't forget that they weren't dwarfs yet -- they were also, on the average, much sexier than the Exalted. Thus, they all had to die."

-- Aida , about the Mountain Folk

And now, the mortals use their reflexive Charm. It's called 'Die Horribly.'" - Nanaki

"I couldn't have known that someone would do something cool," protests the other. "There hadn't been any PCs in Creation since the War."

--RSB

Exalted sex would be awesome, because everybody would be trying to out-stunt the other.

--Braincraft


Exalted is Dinosaurs vs Robots! It's a game where Cuchulain is riding around in a Gundam to fight Vincent Valentine, who has been enslaved by Emperor Palpatine, while John Talbain and an army of Celts is going to war with the Roman Legions, who are lead by the cast of Ranma 1/2. If it's cool, then it's supposed to be ganked and put into the game!

-- Greymane


Me: "You're special."
Abby: "What am I, a Girlfriend Exalted?"
Me: "That brings to mind some really upsetting charms."
Abby: "I don't know... is that really any different from the Chosen of Serenity?"

My girlfriend and me. Until a semester ago, she hadn't ever played Exalted. Damn, I'm good...

- Seraph

One day I ran a mock combat session to describe stunts to a few new players. It just so happens the freshest of the fresh players wins initiative. I didn't know this kid, as he was a friend's cousin. This is how it turned out...

PC: "I swing at him with my Axe."
Me: "Anything you want to add?."
PC: "Uh, not really. Should I?"
Me: "Well how do you swing at him?"
PC: "Hard. With my axe. What are you retarded?"

After that display of total idiocy he spilled a glass of Pepsi on my Corebook. I was in a bad mood and that just set me off more. He saw this and hid behind a chair.

Me: "If that book isn't replaced I'm going to hit you."
Kid: "How are you going to hit me?"
Me: "Hard. With my fist."

- BuddhasFist

Most people aren't Exalted. They put into action all sorts of plans that most people would only idly ponder. I mean, I, for example, wouldn't dismember my assistant as part of a demonstration of the proper methods of gardening

--Random Nerd

The polite enemy introduces himself before frying your brains. --one of MetalFatigue's players


Tonight on Make my Alchemical we're going to take this old WOD Werewolf, adding some mad cams, chrome him up and give him the finest sound system in all of Creation. "Pimp my character!"

--ParitySoul

Originally Posted by Epoch That's an interesting caveat. Do you regard Solars built monomanically for combat to be more viable than Sidereals built monomanically for combat?


Yes.

There is a reason that Conan the Barbarian is not a joke, while Conan the Librarian is.

Rebecca

"Conan! Come quickly! They're trying to force through privatized social security!"
"This must not stand! I will begin my filibuster at once! Fetch me my sword, nubile slave girl!"
"Administrative assistant."
". . . yes, of course."

Exalted is...an MMORPG:

The extras and mortals are NPCs.
The Dragon-Bloods are Newbies.
The Solars are H4xx0rz.
The Lunars are the 31337.
The Sidereals are the Admins.
The Abyssals are the Player Killers.
And the Alchemicals? They're botting. <_<

All the world's a stage, and all of us are actors...

--Boc.

If, one by one, we ignore all the Sidereal limitations, we will reach a point where they are more powerful than God, and possibly even Solars.

--RSB

5) I hereby dub the first listed Void Circle spell as 'Console RPG Final Boss emulation Prana'.

--Asimo's fifth point on Book of Bone and Ebony's nifties.


It isn't funny, but I know you've all thought it, too...

ST: The night passes uneventfully.
Player 1: Alas, poor Carthik!
Player 2 (Carthik, the Night Caste): You know, that joke never gets... young.

-Seraph

"In a three way fight between the Legion Sanguinary, the Mountain Folk hordes, and the remains of the Dragon-Blooded Legions ... who would win? This, I feel, is the most important question in the entire Exalted setting."

"Mask of Winters, of course."

-- Firefly Night and Gauntlet Spider on RPG.net

"Just remember that it's a smorgasboard, so don't feel you need to like all of it, and for pity's sake don't try to fit all of it in your mouth at once." - Kasumi on RPG.net, advice to an Exalted newbie

It had a frenzied "Everything and the kitchen sink" unique vision in it that evolved from the Illiad and Dinosaurs. Sadly there is not enough of that in gaming. -Redfox, on Exalted (ganked from rpg.net)

Gem's like Kenny in South Park.

"Hurry, warriors! Gem is under attack! By Zombie Cavemen with Flamethrowers!"

"Um, General, wasn't Gem destroyed last month in the Invasion of the Fur-Coated Robot Crocodiles of the Outer Wastes?"

"No time for your quibbling about trivial details, Commander! We must save Gem!" 

-squideye (also ganked from rpg.net)

Annoying Player: How can you have a volcano completely isolated from other volcanoes? Volcanoes have to be part of a geothermal circuit. ST: You live in a magical snowglobe-world surrounded by infinite wackiness, where gravity doesn't work unless some muppet in heaven says it does. Any questions?

(Der_Volking_Dude, on the White Wolf forums)

Overheard in Yu Shan:

GM (as Sidereal bureaucrat): "You cannot yet apply for citizenship; you do not meet the criteria..."
GM (OOC): (You need 6 essence.)
PC (with 5 dots in essence, and some accumulated XP): "Oh? Hang on a sec."
PC (OOC): (I buy 1 dot of essence.)
PC (now with 6 dots of essence): "Yay."

From the White Wolf Forums-

Exalted is about how Moses spent ten years in the desert learning the secrets of Jehovah Fist martial arts from a burning bush before returning to Egypt, where he fought through an army of 10,000 jackal-headed ninjas before defeating the Pharaoh in a five-day one-on-one battle in order to free the Israelites. But his real adventure had just begun!

-Gosling, with another great description of Exalted

However...this strikes me as the kind of situation that could very easily result from a massive Sidereal 'Good Idea'.

Sidereal #1: So. These weird, Autochthon spawned Exalts are stomping all over the place. What do we do?

Sidereal #2: Hrm. Maybe get in touch with some of the more powerful Solar circles out there, and arm them with better training and equipment?

Sidereal #1: That might spiral out of control quickly. Perhaps we sh-

  • A crowd of Sidereals bursts into the room, Chejop Kejak crowd surfing on top of them, and several small gods of alcohol being passed around*

Sidereal #3: OMG Mesoamerican Robot Cyborgs!

Sidereal #4: Release the Kukla!

Sidereal's 6, 7, 8: Kukla, Kukla, Kukla, Kukla!

Chejop Kejak: KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKLA!

Sidereal #1: See, that's a good plan. Solars? I mean, really now.


--Squid

Well, I imagine the Empress's rule probably explains a lot of that. If there's been a woman, the same woman, on the throne for seven hundred years, it's a bit hard to say that a woman's place is in the kitchen.

It's even harder to publicly say it without experiencing a sudden and lethal case of ninjas.

-Random Nerd. rpg.net

Oh, yes, the Metaplot Exalted come out next year. They're deadlier than the Abyssals, more persuasive than the Solars, more numerous than the Dragonblooded, and sneaker than the Sidereals. Each of them automatically receives a warstrider free with his Exaltation. They have permanently visible caste marks made of yellow jade, and they invented thamuaturgy. Their magical material is Adamant, which has a different randomly-determined MM bonus each time you use it. They're better than your character at his own schtick than he can ever hope to be, and they're probably already seducing his girlfriend.

Oh, and they can reflexively spend one mote of essence to destroy Gem.
-Random Nerd, rpg.net

"In the background, the bad guy for this week cackles and Monkey Leaps towards a farm, preparing to throw a storm of cows..." "Cow-scade of Cutting Terror?" "That4d be a three-dice stunt in my game."

-- Belphanior, voidstate and Argent, respectively, on RPG.net.

Mask of Winters is Essence 8 in the Core, and First and Forsaken Lion is a 10 in Autochtonians, so I would hope the Incarna now have an Essence score of "YES!" or some equally grand number.

-- Andrew02 on the Exalted Compendium Redux regarding maximum abilities and attributes

Crushes Skulls, Full Moon caste Lunar (CS): "Hey, umm, Luna? I always wondered...what's your Essence rating?"

Luna: "Yes!"

CS: "Huh? How does that answer my question? Is it 10? 12? 274?"

Luna: "Yes!."

CS: "But...but...I'm confused. Which is it?"

Luna: "YES, damnit! Y-E-S! YES!"

CS: *curls into fetal position, starts whimpering*

Luna: "Good thing I didn't exalt him for his brains or listening skills."
-- Athrun the Bear, with a zing reply on the Exalted Compendium Redux

In Call of Cthulu, you go insane when you see Cthulhu. In Exalted, you cut him in half before beating him to death with his own tentacles. Scia from RPG.net

The whole idea is that there isn't just one cosmic force about to destroy Creation, there's a whole bunch of cosmic (and not-so-cosmic) forces that are all about to destroy Creation. Between declining empires of elemental supermen, zombie hordes, vengeful elder ghosts, dead primal gods, imprisoned demon-Titans, Cthulhu elves, Satanic pirates, necrophagic dinosaur-men, miscellaneous ancient artifact-slash-WMDs, international mercantile conspiracies, curse-addled reality ninjas, Conan-wannabe werewolves, assorted Godzilla-knockoffs, well-meaning but terminally misguided anime heroes, mutants up the wazoo, and the Machine God and his Aztec Cyborgs�, Creation is about ten seconds away from getting gang-banged to death by every epic-fantasy clichi in the book all at once.- SirBob, 05/12/05

If it was a Solar charm, it would be a supplemental charm that allowed a single arrow to hit and pass through everything on an infinitely long straight line starting at the bow, punching a hole in all inanimate objects and unparryable.

The arrow would eventually pass into the Wyld and become an ambulatory tea ceremony that fired chopsticks into those with poor ettiquette.

-Katsumi on "Two-Target Method", ganked from RPG.net

  • WatcherX has been reading bits and pieces of the scavenger sons book. . .is there anyone that we /won't/ have to defend against?

<Zack> Not really. Though we can try making deals

  • WatcherX thinks we'll need a battle secretary, to schedule who we'll be fighting on certain weeks. "Mask of Winters? Sorry, we're all booked up this month by the Fair Folk and the Tribal Warlords. I can try to squeeze you in on the second tuesday of next month, unless you don't mind sharing with Lookshy on next thursday."

On playing Solars in the Scavenger Lands, from an IRC conversation.

"In my head, there's one First Age Eclipse caste left in Creation. He's been talking to a Yozi invasion for two thousand years using the first charm he learned. The escaped Yozi is desperately trying to feign interest in the history of eating utensils, but is delighted the Eclipse finally got off the topic of Pebbles I Have Known." -Alsace and Lorraine, rpg.net

"Also, if there were no Sidereals who would be the head of the Bronze Faction? See, you have to think about these things!"
- Ozymandias on rpg.net

If you're average Joe mortal. The Fair Folk and Abyssals want you dead.

If you're a Dragon Blood, the Solars want you dead.

If you're a Lunar, Dragon Bloods and most mortals want you dead.

If you're a Sidereal, half the other Sidereals want you dead.

If you're a Solar, everyone except other Solars and some of the Sidereals want you dead.

If you're an Abyssal, you are dead. (And most of creation wants you re-dead)

If you're a fair folk, everyone in creation wants you dead.

Somehow, at least one person will want you dead.

(And if you live in Gem, you're really screwed)

-DrakeDragonslayer on why "be nice to everyone" doesn't work

A Raksha could be nice, and yes, they do make the head hurt. Then the side starts to bulge a little. On closer investigation, the bulge is starting to separate, forming itself into a little mannikin. Then you realize that the mannikin's arms are rummaging around in your skull, and you realize with a dropping feeling in your stomach, and with a series of increasingly sharp pains in your skull, that it's trying to rip free your brains to give to the nice raksha. Very nice raksha. Maybe she'd let you rip your own brains out to give to her. She seems nice that way... Yay, I stunted this part of my post. I give myself an additional two dice from my "I'm too cool for my assumed head" pool... ^_^ --Suzume (posted to the wiki by MetalFatigue without her knowledge or permission)

"Z17", in a post on the WW Exalted Forum in a thread about Essence 10 Charms (Solar):

Resistance: Well, the world's about to explode. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

Athletics: Because you don't need to breathe, move, or do anything unless you want to.

Ride: And neither does your horse.

Sail: And your boat will be fine too. Not that there's any water now that the world is destroyed.

Craft: But now there is! Because you made some! And you recreated the world!

Occult: And turned all of the dead ghosts of the previous world into people again.

Presence: And you enslaved them all.

Archery: Before you got bored and destroyed it again.

Larceny: But they don't know it's you.

Stealth: Because they never saw you.

Socialize: Because they never wanted to in the first place.


My advice to a ST who wants his group of Mortal players to Exalt as Abyssals:

If they are on the verge of death, or better, actually dead, putting together new characters in their heads, when BAM, this hottie appears to them and says "Join me and live." It's rather simple. The moral among them will say "f*** off" and their souls will eventually be recycled. Or the greedy will say "Hey there hot-undead-momma, wanna destroy all creation with me?" and they get to become powerful.

Savan_Varil of JadeCity on on why the First and Forsaken Lion has Compassion 2:

"Because he wants to bring the living the sweet quiet of death so they can end their living suffering and begin their unending torment as his codpiece."

"Just because they're virtuous doesn't mean they're nice. Remember that Sol Invictus was the guy who murdered his parents because he wanted more time on the PS2" - Fade about Solars on rpg.net

Nah, I have a much better idea for First Age Lunars..

Sentient Pets.

Think about it; their powers and animalistic outlook makes them sentient animals, right? So first age Lunars were essentially domesticated by the Solars.

Lunar "companions" were basically housepets. Lunar constables were police dogs. Lunar warriors were attack dogs. Lunar entertainers were songbirds and performing animals.. And so on.

...The Lunars didn't resent it, and actually enjoyed that life. Then their Solar masters were killed, they were ran out into the wild, and went Feral. ~ Lonewolf23 on RPG.net

Heh. I got this image of Kurg, the slayer of a thousand men - hulking bear-man hybrid, claws dripping with blood and gore...and then his wife, fluffy the solar exalted with mondo appearance + performance boosts.

'oh, what a good boy, mommy's going to give you an extra special present tonight!'

Kurg stands over the corpses of his fallen enemies and wags his tail.

So going to have to use this visual in some game now. ~ Tindel replies on RPG.net

"The Collective demands snugglies! Failure to comply with the Cuddling Ordinance, subsection Zet-89-B, set forth in cycle AY 1478, equates to thought crimes! Punishment perscribed by mandate 341-A-Beta is vigorous reformatting of your psyche! Now tell me I'm sexy!"
-Argentoil, talking about high appearance Alchemicals on the WW Exalted forums

"Your Resources or your Health Levels!"
- Crunch-aware highwayman in Exalted: The Freedom Stone

"Once more you blaspheme against our Mechanical Messiah! The Great Maker will never submit to the forces of death... no, our Lord will last for all eternity in magitech perfection. And before you point out the Elemental Pole of Smoke again, I'll have you know that it is in no way a symbol of Autochthon's decline. No! It is merely a sign of our Lord's new habit of smoking! Yes, in an effort to reassure us loyal Autochthonians that he shall never cease to be cool, The Great Maker has invented organic-free cigarettes and taken up the oh-so-cool habit of smoking. So Ha!"
- Sapphite, loyally defending Autochthon on the Freedom Stone forums

"Essence 10 Alchemical blasts you!"
"A: an Essence 10 Alchemical is a city, and B..." - IanPrice, (and my brother, messing around with Exalted concepts.)

Last updated October 26, 2005.

if having a cadre of loyal demonlings moving in eerie unison as they execute the Crimson Pentacle Blade Form is wrong, I don't want to be right. -Random Nerd RPG.net forums

(After talking to a friend about how in Darloth's game, a Necromantic spell was used to suck all life in a building to the underworld without leaving an actual shadowland or whatnot.)

"Call Abyssal Vermin Exterminators! Rats, Mice, Irritating Mortals, We do 'em all! Just give us a night, and you're rid of them forever!" (We are not liable for any losses incurred, nor odd feelings in your house. Please try not to leave pets, children or loved ones behind. Several small children required as a downpayment.)
- Trithne

Terry Pratchett is the MAN. I can just imagine what it would be like if he wrote an Exalted novel.

"The Maiden of the Mirthless Smile's chest rose and fell like the Shogunate."

- Impulse, on the Freedom Stone forums

Spoken by DeathBySurfeit in responce to my character buying off her "child" and "small frame" flaws to represent growing up:

"Can I spend XP to grow boobs too?"
- Trithne

"Exaltation does not provide a perfect defense against stupidity." -Konpeito, During a discussion of the possibility of a circle of Solars being able to take over Lookshy with little to no planning.

From rpg.net (reposted here by Suzume):

GoldenH
Okay then, hotshot. Maybe YOU'D like to try and explain why marital arts is a Dawn-Caste ability...
Gothic Rose
Because you can hit things with Martial Arts.
Dawn Caste are like abusive drunken uncles. They like hitting people. And yelling.
Can you hit people with Bureaucracy? No. Can you hit people with Dodge? No.
Can you hit people with a three ton Spanish Galleon sailing at full ramming speed? Ok, yes.
So Dawn Caste should also have Sail. Sue me.

A mock MMO-style open chat stream perpetrated in the Freedom Stone AIM chat (copied from a post in that comic's forums and reposted here by Suzume. Warning, I just about died laughing...):

  • [15:13] Narzoth: [Looking for Group] 2 x Solars LF Abyssal Dusk tank 4 Blessed Isle Raid, PST
  • [15:15] Narzoth: [Looking for Group] Ess. 3 Wood aspect LF Solar 2 PL me
  • [15:16] Narzoth: [OOC] WTF? Healers in this game sux!
  • [15:16] Narzoth: [OOC] STFU n00b!
  • [15:17] archmagedb: [OOC] OMG! Wyldies jst Aggd me! Hax!
  • [15:18] archmagedb: [OOC] Rsid fateninja'd my lewt!
  • [15:18] Narzoth: [Group] Inc a <Ebon Dragon>, get ready!
  • [15:18] archmagedb: [OOC] lol Ejava wnna cyber?
  • [15:18] Narzoth: [OOC] Train Ebon Dragon 2 zone!
  • [15:18] archmagedb: [OOC] Tank get aggro!
  • [15:19] Narzoth: [OOC] WTF? who aggro ED?
  • [15:19] archmagedb: [OOC] Siddie newbs!
  • [15:19] Narzoth: [OOC] Need rez pls. n00bs train ED on me
  • [15:19] archmagedb: [OOC] Raksha mobs trained on us! WTF!
  • [15:20] Narzoth: [OOC] WTF? Why ED at zonein?
  • [15:21] archmagedb: [OOC] Terrestrial n00bs!
  • [15:21] archmagedb: [OOC] Scarlet Empress trained ED on us! n00bwhore! I jst wnated to cyberz
  • [15:21] Narzoth: [Guild] Hey guys, look what I just got off of Chejop Kejak! [Soul Mirror]
  • [15:22] archmagedb: [Guild] lol
  • [15:22] Narzoth: [Guild] And some Night got [Hooked Daiklaives of Dual Prowess]
  • [15:23] archmagedb: [Guild] bs, I didnt get sht!
  • [15:23] Narzoth: [Guild] 2 x weapon drop! Best Yu-Shan raid evar!
  • [15:24] Narzoth: [Guild] Oh fuck! Midnight just aggro Unc Sun! Evac!
  • [15:24] archmagedb: *trains Wyld Hunt on Magi*
  • [15:24] archmagedb: [Guild] WTF!?
  • [15:24] archmagedb: [Guild] Evac! Evac! Need rez plz.
  • [15:25] Narzoth: [Guild] Goddman Midnight sat down next 2 jade dome fuckin n00b
  • [15:25] archmagedb: [Guild] Lol get a Day to ninja his lewt.
  • [15:25] archmagedb: [Guild] Fuckin UCS
  • [15:26] Narzoth: [Guild] Day aggros UCS 2. yellowsid porting Night back in.
  • [15:26] Narzoth: [Guild] Holy fuck! Who train ED into Yu-Shan?
  • [15:27] archmagedb: [Guild] Fuckk! UCS aggrod ED!
  • [15:27] Narzoth: [Global] ED in YS! All Ess 7+ Solars come help UCS!
  • [15:28] Narzoth: [Global] WTF? Who train ED into YS? If ED win, server resets!!!
  • [15:28] archmagedb: [Global] ED in YS! All Ess7+ Akuma come loot UCS!
  • [15:29] Narzoth: [Global] ED in YS! All Ess 7+ Abyssals come laff!
  • [15:29] archmagedb: [Guild] lol thissi funny shti!
  • [15:29] Narzoth: [Global] STFU g0th!
  • [15:29] archmagedb: [Global] STFU n00b!
  • [15:30] Narzoth: [Guild] ED killed Venus, I loot [Hearthstone of Gender Change] WTF? It bind on loot, can't take it off!
  • [15:31] archmagedb: [Guild] lol u hot now!
  • [15:31] Narzoth: [Guild] Ha ha dumbass!
  • [15:31] archmagedb: [Guild] lookit em jiggle! Train eyes to breasts!
  • [15:32] Narzoth: [Guild] UCS beat ED! Raids looting now
  • [15:33] archmagedb: [Guild] I loot [Ebon Dragonscale] can any1 craft ti?
  • [15:34] Narzoth: [Guild] ED drop [Erembour's Horn] [Ebon Dragonscale] [Gemstone of Sorcery] [Black Lead Daiklave of Aggrevated Damage]
  • [15:34] Narzoth: [Guild] WTF? Why Ebon Dragon drop Akuma only weapon! He Yozi faction!
  • [15:36] Narzoth: [Global] ED dead raid pwned him Zeniths need to be nerfed
  • [15:37] archmagedb: [Guild] WTF!? Where cna I get quest to become Akuma?
  • [15:39] Narzoth: [Global] Shit! Solar vs Akuma PVP in YS!
  • [15:40] archmagedb: [Global] All Ess5+ Abyssals come 2 pwn survivors!
  • [15:42] Narzoth: [Global] LOL! purplesids backstabbing shit outta Akuma!
  • [15:47] archmagedb: [Global] OMG! Redsid Bronze Faction guild agg'd Solars!
  • [15:48] Narzoth: [Guild] GM showed up in YS
  • [15:48] archmagedb: [Guild] Which one?
  • [15:48] Narzoth: [GM_Steveicus] Yu Shan is a no-PVP zone. All PCs will be ported to bind spot. You all have warning flags on your accounts.
  • [15:49] Narzoth: [Guild] Steveicus
  • [15:52] Narzoth: [Guild] WTF? GMs make me change my name, but they have name like Steveicus?
  • [15:52] Narzoth: [Guild] Wot ur name was?
  • [15:53] Narzoth: [Guild] Ballzack
  • [15:58] archmagedb: [Guild] Mine woz l33tkackz0r!

Kasumi, on rpg.net (reposted here by Suzume):

  • Just remind me never to take a Chinese History course, or I'll be explaining how Qin Shihuangdi formulated policy with a sprawling epic wire-fu battle against Han Feizi where a thousand of his guards were incidentally killed as a teaching aid.

The Scripture of the Eternal Maiden v2.0

  • Once, there was a maiden...
  • ...who didn't exist any more.
  • "I appear to have been replaced by Integrity,"
  • "How bitterly ironic," she said.

--dcampbell, on rpg.net

From RPGnet (edited, and more-or-less in whatever context there was; posted by Suzume):

Random Nerd: The Kukla serves as the chain for the set of World-Chucks, composed of Creation and Autocthon with the Kukla in between.

The_Sarge: "And after seeing Unsurpassed Splendour ripping creation in-two, enslaving the Kukla and using him as a chain between Creation and Autochton, Sol Invictus was all like: 'Whoa, dude...'. Unsurpassed Splendour then faced towards Malfeas and said: 'I'm here to kick ass and chew bubbglegum. But bubblegum wasn't invented yet...' and all the Yozis were like: 'We're fucked!' ... And then there was violence."

cthulhu512: And his past life killed bubblegum in the last war! (some things destroyed from creation were less epic then others)

Jim DelRosso: And this, boys and girls, is why you take Heavenly Guardian Defense.

GS: I'd say hitting someone with Creation counts as an environmental attack, same as HGDing a rockslide. Sure, you'll be protected for a second, but then you're toast. Now, combine it with the stuff in the Hardship-Surviving Mendicant Spirit tree...

Random Nerd: No, no. He's not going to leave Creation lying on you. He's going to whirl it around his head and hit you with it again. Somewhat like how Archimedes said, with an immovable place to stand and a daiklave of infinite length, he could totally beat up the world.

Our Lady of the Charms (Rebecca Borgstrom), on RPGnet, in a thread about the X2 Ride Charms (posted by Suzume):

Ninjas can outrun horses in the short term, but fall behind for the long haul. That's why the cowboys in the large American West used horses but the Japanese with their small island nation used ninjas.

from Emprint, on rpg.net:

Why did the Exalted burn down the village?

Solars: "Hah, fool, you are no match for my Hundred Flaming Meteor Method! Oh, there was a village there? Sorry, I kinda went nuts when that puppy got kicked."

Lunars: "It was their fault for eating with chopsticks and forks and shit. Really, I was doing them a favor."

Sidereals: "You nuts? There was no fire. Dude, there wasn't even a village."

Dragon-Blooded: "Well, Cindi went to the dance with Henry but was supposed to be going steady with Frankie, so a bunch of us got together and trashed the city her parents got her for her birthday. Y'know, as a prank."

Abyssals: "You don't think it looks better on fire? What if I splashed some entrails over there, to the left? Too much?"



Alchemicals: "Oh, I needed space to park my mech. By which I mean my ass. Boo yah."

Player: Sunset is all style.

Player of Sunset the Raksha: Totally, and I have three dots of the Background to prove it.

From Narzoth, taken from The Freedom Stone AIM chat:

Narzoth: Possible side effects of Resonance include upset stomach, nausea, diharria, constipation, drowsiness, sleepliness, curdled milk, stillbirth, or utter nihilism.

Narzoth: Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while under the influence of Resonance.

Narzoth: If an erection persists for more than 4 hours while using Resonance, see a doctor immediately - especially if female.


Ingame, characters are engaging in a meal with a bunch of Lunars, one of whom has an Ox as their totem. All OOC.

So, what's this?

Ox liver.

Cue face of horror combined with a mouth full of food, pointing at Lunar and spitting out said food.

- Trithne

I was just thinking that the Sidereals would have to be very, very subtle in dealing with Mnemon as Empress, or she'd use the RDG to nuke the shit out of very single one she found in Creation. Though, if she's that dangerous to them, they might not even allow her to reach the throne.

No, it's kool. Cheapass Carjack TOTALLY knows how to handle her. It's all under control. The only way something could POSSIBLY go wrong is if she's started dealing with something outside of fate that would obscure his reads of her. And he'd know if that happened- cause he's totally on top of things. Yep. Got this whole thing planned out.

attackmonkey

It's just a symptom of the world's decline. The first time, it was Right because the seas and sky would lay waste to nations by looking at them, and that nameless horrors lived under everyone's bed. The war to deal with it FUCKED THE WORLD, and lead directly to later, less catastrophic war.

The second time, it's because King Arthur, Dr Doom and Mecha-Stalin kept biting the heads off puppies and setting fire to children to find out their calorific values, or summoning nameless horrors to sleep in their beds. The war to deal with that fucked the world almost as badly, and lead to a later, even less catastrophic war.

The third time, it was because Dr Doom's ghost was still pissed off, so allied with Morgana Le Fae and Hastur, just to fuck the world. At the time, the X-men were still fighting the Brotherhood to see who rulled the planet. The war to deal with that killed 90%+ of everyone, shrunk the world itself, and still wasn't as bad as the last one... and we're just getting to the next, less catastrophic war.

At least this time, the poor sod in charge of it all has had the sense to get the heck out of dodge.

Killfalcon, on the various regime changes of Creation

And look at it from the opposing perspective - you have immense power, yet your leaders still treat you like dirt. You work hard in your dead-end job of administering fate while they're off gallavanting across Creation having parties and seducing cthulic horrors that they're supposed to be killing. And then you find out that they might be the ultimate destroyers of everything that lives. How hard are you going to look for a solution that isn't killing them and taking their stuff? - Tindle (from the same thread as the above quote, Regarding the Sideraeals and the Usurpation)

Gateway, explained

Asim: "Gateway sounds very sexy, Ashen."
Asim: "...how is it played?"
Ledaal Ashen: "Is not sexy. You try to put your runner inside your opponents gates, while setting in alert all the other important locations."
Asim: "how is that not sexual?"
Ledaal Ashen: "Its not sexual Asim, it's strategy. i.e., to make your opponent open the gates, you need to find the hidden pink agent . See? just like war"
Asim: "Hidden...pink...agent. Is it a little man in a boat?"
Ledaal Ashen: "Only in heretical boards. The authorized board is not iconic, so the pink agent is just this little round piece"
Asim: "And when you find it...is it customary to play with it a little?"

Asim: Asim is enjoying himself, "Be gentle! This is my first time..."
Ledaal Ashen: "See Asim? you don't get to move the pieces to the inner board untill you've conquered the second base"
Asim: "Wow, going slowly like this really is fun...but you're getting your hands all over my pieces, isn't that against the rules?"
Ledaal Ashen: "Not at all, since I'm playing the gate I get to manipulate your pieces sometimes, in order to try to overflow this zone before you have time to use your runner"
Asim: "What a rush! Hey, there goes your last remaining base..."
Ledaal Ashen: "Oh yes Asim, you're a natural for this. But you're still not a winner untill you've managed to penetrate my gate, find the G area and release your soldiers into my cave"
Asim: "You've left yourself exposed, Ashen, despite your masterful efforts to control the runner's path...and now, I've got your hidden pink agent."
Ledaal Ashen: "That's my favorite part of the game. Playing with the pink agent is what you learn to do in the solitary version"
Ledaal Ashen: "But you see now Asim? It's nothing to do with sex"

-Rai

An amusing exaltation scenario

Diem, mortal thief: I am the greatest treasure hunter in the world!
Suddenly, the UCS: Woah, really? When did I exalt you?
Diem: Uhh... hi. You didn't.
UCS: Are you CONTRADICTING me boy!?
Diem: OW! You shivved me! With a burning essence shard!
UCS: It was more of a bitchslap really.

-IanPrice

Imaginaldisc from the E:tFS "Funney Quotes from Games" thread. (posted by Suzume)

ST: Before you can enter the gate to Yu Shan, the Celestial Lion asks who you are.

Fellow Player A: I tell him my name.

Fellow Player B: You know, shouldn't we come up with a name for our circle?

Me: That's a good idea. So, should we highlight our accomplishments by naming our circle. . .

FPA: What's the matter?

Me: This circle's been around for four years, and I just realized we haven't accomplished anything. We failed to stop the barbarian raiders, because they're run by a First Age Lunar we're afraid of, and we went looking for a kidnapped girl in Nexus, some three thousand miles in the wrong direction. All we've ever done is wander around, beat things up, and get more powerful. We haven't done anything significant!

FPB: I tell the Celestial Lion, "We are the Circle of the Mid-Life Crisis."

HertzaHaeon, on the limitations of the Thousand Streams River:

Solar: "Oh, you want a perfect society? Here, let me use my Essence 5 Socialize Charm, Let's-All-Be-Best-Buddies Boogie." Lunar: "Ah, hundreds of years of work for nothing. Well, I'm going back to hot anthro sex."

Exalted is not simply "Made of Win"

Its nuclear make up is such that when it decays from a higher state than win, it spawns win particles and win radiation.

Omegatron, on why Exalted is good.

<Bassist159> ...Zenith Professor also doesn't work.
<Bassist159> Why? Because Zenith's don't FUCKING TEACH, okay? I know that's typecasting, but fuck it.
<Bassist159> Zenith's don't teach. Twilights go, "Here. This is how you do it." They make charts and lists and flowsheets. Powerpoints.
<Bassist159> Zeniths go, "FUCKING DO IT! >:3"
<Bassist159> And then you know what?
<Bassist159> You do fucking do it.
<DancerVeiled> And if you still don't understand it, they punch you in the head and make you understand.
<Bassist159> Because that is your brain on lenseflare.
<Bassist159> Because the FUCKING ZENITH IS A SOCIAL MONSTER.

IRC conversation, 11/22/07

Player: "So I've figured out how to get my effective Essence to 17."
ST: "What? Wait, don't high Essence expenditures screw with the Loom of Fate? I wonder how many Sidereals you'll piss off if you start spending motes like that.
Player: "They should be less worried about tangles in the Loom and more worried about when it grows arms and starts to crochet itself."

-Rynel and one of his players, building his second non-Alchemical.

From a post by Thanqol:

A friend of mine went in to have his appendix removed, and while hopped up on anasthetic he sent me the following email:

"I think I finally get Malfeas now. Some tiny, useless part of him tried to kill him, and instead paralysed him and left him in utter, immobilized agony, trapped in a tiny, boring room with people he can't stand. The things I'd do to that thing if I ever got my hands on it."


Comments

Would anyone be offended if I sorted through these and tried to pull out some of the cooler ones? This page was awesome when it started, but we've had so many people quoting themselves or their GMs or whoever that now its just kind of silly. -MeiRen

I don't know. I find a great deal of humour in most of these quotes, regardless of who they come from. I haven't seen any that are really inside jokes or anything, so they all still seem to be funny. - Jaelra
Yeah, I'd be a bit wary of excising huge chunks of a communal project based on any one person's sense of humour. Personally, I just copy all the best ones to a text file on my desktop so I have instant amusement whenever I feel the need. - Falcon
Ok, I guess that makes sense. They bother me for some reason, but as you say I can deal with that on my own. -MeiRen
I agree that the page should be free to all without fear of cutting, but I have to say I'm starting to get sick of the same 'everything and the kitchen sink' jokes. Yes, Exalted is cool. Yes, it has robots, ninjas, dinosaurs, just about every kind of general hero archetype this side of the Golden Age, and also Cthulhuzilla. We've got it. Let's move on to new, unbroken ground. Does anyone else realize there's only one 'walks into a bar' joke on this page? - Arafelis


Moved these down cuz they seemed to be dated. -MeiRen

I am deeply offended and horrified by the sexism and female-objectifying tendencies of your average gamer. Why didn't that quoter above think that maybe it was a god of oral sex? ~ Shataina thought of lots of things to type here, but figured they weren't appropriate for a family wiki

well, maybe he considered the possibility, but was interested only in a goddess. heck, maybe there are both a god and a goddess for the task! -Domon
Have a god of cunnilingus and goddess of fellatio if it suits you. I, for one, welcome our new Oral Sex Overlords and Overladies. -Xeriar
I'd just go with a god and goddess of oral sex ... I don't want my homosexual friends to lose out on the action. That said, I dibs the god.

~ Shataina

Well, it's more a matter of both of them (or all three) each having no gender. They have one or more preferred manifestations. Of course they will switch up when it suits them. This also means trying for relations with one of them while on their bad side can lead to unwanted surprises. I just happen to prefer their feminine aspects, considering my persuasion.
Of course, many may happily believe that the God and Goddess of Oral Sex are separate entities. Perhaps it enjoys encouraging this myth, or perhaps it prefers to give homophobes heart attacks. Creation may never know. At least, if Felatia decides to surprise me, I don't leave the situation with a bad taste in my mouth. -Xeriar
That, Xeriar, is a very bad pun, intended or not ^_^ -- Darloth
OH, it was intended, alright. I can almost hear the smugness through the 10-point Arial.
Besides, it's obvious that there's a god of Fellatio, a god of Cunnilingus, and they both answer to the god of Oral Sex. I imply no gender by the use of the word "god." Personally, because I'm big on ironic gods, I'd say that none of them have genitals at all, but maybe that's just me. - DigitalSentience
As gods of Oral Sex, I'd say all they needed was mouths, anyway... nikink
But the question that "comes" to mind, is whether a bad taste is left in Felatia's mouth... ^^

Seriously, though, might it not just be one divine entity of oral stimulation, whose gender or sex characteristics only become definite when there is someone observing those characteristics? Of course, this implies that, with sufficient self-control, one might, through repeated exposure, be able to control those attributes at will, even to the point of having both overlay (bad pun...) in a very Hindu manner... -Suzume (>Beginning to suffer brain collapse...< Must re-boot... ^^ )

I think it should be two gods, one for Fellatio and one for Cunnlingus. They're service oriented, you see. -MeiRen, who takes her religion very seriously.

While the text on the Games of Divinity is nifty, I am not sure if I like it for this page to be honest. This is a page mainly for funny stuff, as previous posts have shown. I'm not sure if I like something this deep and all that being in this thread. But I guess that's for folks to decide. But that was my initial intent when I made the page, to be hoenst.

Not going to delete it for now, but I want to see what folks think on that. Stuff. Blaque

Decided to move quotes that aren't really meant for funny to a new QuotesofCoolness subpage. Enjoy.
Stuff. Blaque

What's the Kukla? GordonMichael

Well, whoever you are, the Kukla is one of the elemental dragons, imprisoned by order of the Unconquered Sun because the thing is apparantly a one-creature armageddon. As in, if your character tries to fight it, the ST compliments your heroism and takes your character sheet away. You're dead. BUT, in theory, in the face of a threat so dangerous that using a super-weapon that you'll have to fight to put away again, the Unconquered Sun might order that the Kukla be released and siced on whatever is pissing him off. -Seraph <- See, I have a name.
Oh yeah, THAT Kukla. I completely forgot about it and figured 'release the kukla' was from an SNL skit or something. Sorry baout the non-name, it's been a while since I posted here and I was just about to correct the oversight. GordonMichael
I was a little irked at the 'you can't beat the Kukla' thing. I'd think that Exalts are sort of meant to kill stuff like the Kukla. ~ BerserkSeraph (The other Seraph)
And I'm sorry about the snarkyness. It's been a long day. -Seraph
What book is the Kukla in? I've tried looking . . . but we all know how poor the indices are in White Wolf books. - Andrew02
I saw him in Games of Divinity. I dunno if he's mentioned elsewhere ~ BerserkSeraph
Nope, just GoD. He's a giant, scary, earth-elemental plot device, on the class of the Eye of Autochthon. -- CaptainPenguin
Apparently the Kukla is mentioned in the Alchemicals book. They release it. *grins* -Okensha

"I have a cunning plan" One of our group said this, and it all went down hill from there. Isn't it always the way :D

Thanks for the contribution, but please read BestPractices before posting. You'll find all you need there to observe proper Wikiquette...DeathBySurfeit

The page kinda forgot everything after a point. Fixed. - Trithne

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