CricketAndKestrel/GeneralForumArchive
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Cricket and Kestrel general forum archive
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Chapter 4 coming in 10 days!
Well, I've talked about it and thought about it for a while now -- I think I'm ready to go ahead and write the next part:D So I'm signed up. I've got a few ideas, and I've been writing a lot lately so I'm thinking I'll be able to have fun with it. Everyone wish me luck:D
Good work, Sandjack, BTW! I liked Part 3:D -- CrownedSun
If you'd like feedback on your ideas, or help coming up with new ones, I stand ready.\\ _Ikselam
I might run some stuff by you tomorrow. The offer is appreciated. -- CrownedSun
Likewise, I'm always happy to help this one get along. Email: hlarsson@final-form.com. Drop me a line. I'm going to go lie down and hope I'm imagining being sick.
--SandJack
I'm throwing my offer out there too. You were a big help with my GoD piece, so I'd be happy to return the favor. -dg
I added two days to my time -- while the wiki was down, I put further writing on hold. Now that it's back up, I'll resume writing tomorrow and hopefully get the story posted before the new deadline on the 30th. --CrownedSun
Chapter 3 Will Be A Day Late
I am going to have to post Chapter 3 on monday rather than on sunday when it is due. I am going to a funeral a good ways away and will not be able to get to a computer to upload the ep. until monday night. It is, however, on a roll. I am going to go with the villain of the week concept, at least for this episode. I am especially down with the Villain of the week concept because it allows someone, several eps. in the future, to reintroduce an old character and really get people feeling for the story.
-- SandJack
This is, in fact, a Damn Lie. Chapter 3 is Up. Now, I was for some reason thinking very much in cinematic terms when writing this, probably because of the Villain of the Week aspect, so I apologize in advance for any confusion it might cause. You'll see what I mean, I think.
-- SandJack
Dim's Idea
Right. So, my life was very, very topsy-turvey last week. I'm sorry I let the deadline elapse. Really. I just didn't have time or energy in a major way. That's a weak excuse, but it's the truth. Anyway, the idea I was mulling was the following. Mind you, it's kinda convoluted and weak, but it's all that I had. Not a good week:
Another character is introduced, a seducer of the highest callibur. He/She is a Chosen of Endings. Ethereally beautiful, his/her target is the ending of Kestrel's feelings for Cricket. Would he/she work with Five Tears? I dunno. But he/she would be trying to get Kestrel to fall for him/her, and ignore Cricket. It wouldn't work, of course; dramatic realization of Kestrel's love for Cricket, and all. But I was....I dunno. I just couldn't think about it until now. If ya'll want the idea, take it. Otherwise, it can just sit here, a testament to a writer's indecision in matters of the heart, fictional and otherwise.
--Dim
This seems like a good idea to keep in mind for some future stage of the story. I don't think it would make a huge amount of sense happening right away; FTH still needs to get back to Yu-Shan and report to whomever, and decisions need to be made about what the Faction is going to try and do in this situation. I can see something like one of my previous ideas arising from this; BOH could argue that instead of trying to nuke C and/or K, they should be left alone so for a while, in the hopes that Kestrel will get his hands on the magic locket. Once he does, then they try to leverage him into giving it to them (with the obvious, yet extremely crude, approach being, "Give us the artifact or we kill the girl").
On a not really related note, I had the thought that a "villain of the week" kind of structure might work well. C&K basically just do their thing, and every so often a powerful antagonist with an interesting schtick and/or shows up. S/he is defeated in some interesting way, possibly just retreating to trouble our heroes later (as with FTH). It would be fun if these weren't all Sidereals. C&K could flee into the Underworld at some point, only to run afoul of an Abyssal prettyboy who serves a Deathlord who, like Heaven, is aware of the locket's power. They could tangle with an Immaculate monk, or some other kind of powerful DB. Some of the antagonists might even end up becoming allies. Dim's idea would make a cool schtick for one of these guys -- hey, here's an idea that might not suck: the temptress' goal is to recruit him into the Gold Faction!
I believe we should refrain from making anyone but Kestrel and Cricket full-fledged POV characters. I don't see problems with brief cut-scenes to bring folks up-to-date on what the rest of the cast is up to, but I think it would be unwise to ever have a scene where we actually get to see what Breath-of-Heaven (or Sauda, or FTH, or Chejop Kejak, or whomever) is thinking. The story's called Cricket and Kestrel, not Cricket, Kestrel, and a Bunch of other Guys. I think efforts should be made to keep the focus on them.
I like Dim's idea as a sort of recurring but ineffectual villain. But I have to reread both existing parts and rewrap my head around this; I have universal rapture and grief in there right now from playing Ixullanu. dissolvegirl, thoughts? - willows
I think the idea of a villain of the week works well. It's something that appears quite often in manga-- a bunch of villains that have one interesting shtick that somehow relates to or foreshadows a certain aspect of the over-villain. That could work well because the feeling of CaKe seems to be far more episodic so far than the other stories; each chapter is sort of its own self-contained unit. Honestly, my only useful comment isn't very useful for the next chapter; namely-- if another villain is introduced in the next chapter, then I think there should be a new villain every chapter. If the only antagonist we get next chapter is FTF, I don't want to see the story clogged with agents of Heaven trying to get the two estranged lovebirds. You know? --dissolvegirl
Not that I'm involved or anything, but maybe you could tie together the Abyssal prettyboy and the seducer/temptress as one character? Say Walker in Darkness thinks the locket could break the magic hanging over his realm, and has sent a Day caste Abyssal to take the locket from Cricket. Make him a seeming doppleganger of K, except where K is just now discovering the feeling of love, the Abyssal feels nothing, like Kestral was supposed to. You could play off that, Kestral's failings (personified in someone who doesn't care at all about anyone but himself) vs. Kestral's attempts at being virtuous, almost against his better judgement. Then again, it might be a bit "Cricket! Don't shoot me, shoot him! He's the robot!". - Patkin
I think it would be implausible to have every antagonist be a Bronze Faction flunkie. I don't feel it makes sense for Kejak to send wave after wave of ineffectual agents. I think if we go the multivillain route, then we should proliferate villain allegiances; have an Abyssal, a Gold Faction flunkie, a Bronze or two, agents of an interested god, Terrestrial outcastes, stuff like that. Not all of these guys would be interested right away, of course; obviously not many people outside the BF know of this locket right now, or else everyone would already be trying to get it. Events in the story could easily lead to a situation where a lot of important people know that Something's Up and want a piece of the action. All it would take is one indiscreet kung-fu battle.
If Kestrel's apparent defection gets out (either through BF stuff, Sauda gossiping, Breath of Heaven manipulating, or whatever), then it could draw the attention of gods and/or Gold Factioneers. If C&K head into the Underworld at any point, it could alert Deathlords. If they end up fleeing the city (which I'm not sure is a really awesome idea, at least in the early stages of the story), then they could run into other powerful guys. They could encounter a shiny Solar hunk who takes a liking to Cricket. They could run into a studly Lunar barbarian who remembers her as his First Age wife. They could run into lovely fairy/Abyssal/Sidereal/Solar/Lunar/God-Blooded/whatever ladies who force Temperance checks from Kestrel. Some of these antagonists would be one-shots who are permanently defeated in a single episode; others might have two- or three-part miniplots relating to them. Some might be defeated, decide that this means they'll owe a favor to our heroes, and vanish, only to reappear later on to repay their debt.
I think a mix of fighting-related conflict and relationship conflict would be best. For every Sidereal superninja who shows up looking for trouble, there should be an alluring guy/gal who threatens to drive a wedge between the two protagonists, or casts doubt on their burgeoning relationship (which I think should stay in burgeoning phase for a while; it's kind of implausible for them to get all lovey-dovey right off, since they don't actually know each other, and Cricket has capital-I Issues which aren't going to be solved by a quick session of hot lovin') in some other way. In some cases, the two roles might get wrapped up in a single package!
On a more specific note, I think FTF should sit out the next couple episodes. Since I like her a lot, I think of her as the type of character who puts in appearances often enough to remind the audience that she exists, but doesn't really get a story arc directly relating to her until near the middle or end. Your interpretation may vary, of course, and you shouldn't feel swayed by the fact that she's my baby.\\ _Ikselam
I like the idea of the Villian of the Week. It keeps well with the shojo manga aspect of the character. Now I'll have a better idea when signups come around :) --Dim
I question attacking their fledgling relationship until it has had a chance to, well, become full fledged. Besides making me wonder very much what a fledge is, the relationship has to have enough mass to be able for the reader to think that it might potentially pull back together -- if it starts hitting rocks right from the get-go, well, I would have a hard time getting someone to root for the relationship. At the moment: if Kestrel gets hit with the love bug for some hottie, Cricket is going to go into self-loathing mode and just go back to doing whatever she's doing. If Cricket gets hit with the Love Bug -- yeah, Kestrel will care. But will the reader? Actually, MAYBE. But getting Crickets feelings all confuzzled before we work out what they are could be dicey.
Having said that, targeting the relationship is, in fact, an awesome Idea. Putting some temperance checks on Kestrel might actually be nice, but maybe as a result of his environment instead of from some supernatural source?
And of course, this is just my two cents, and even then just at the moment.
--SandJack
I agree. As much as CaKe seems to be about "love overcoming all odds" or whatever, there needs to be love before there can be odds. And besides, my favorite part when reading a story that involves romance is the awkward burgeoning of feelings and then the equally awkward, warm-fuzzy realization. I think it would do a disservice to these three-dimensional characters to skimp on that just to get to the "true love" aspect more quickly. And once the love is there, let the relationship-targeting begin. --dissolvegirl
Some ideas I had
While writing chapter 2, I had a few ideas about where the plot could go from here. I didn't really hint at any of them in the story itself, so I'll write them down here.
- One of the obvious things to happen is for the eponymous duo to flee Sijan right away, but that's kind of expected and cliché. It might be more interesting if they stayed in the city; it would give the story a whole different focus than if they were on the road. The main issue with this is that it'd be difficult to portray this course of action as anything other than completely retarded. The most likely tactic, I think, would be to play the old "hiding in plain sight" card. When you lose your glasses, where do they invariably turn out to be? Right where you saw them last. And where is always the last place you look?
- dissolvegirl suggested that they might actually seek refuge in the Underworld at some point. This obviously wouldn't be a long-term solution, but it could open up some new possibilities, not the least of which would be the chance of meeting a mopey, long-haired Abyssal prettyboy!
- It's very clear that Sagacious Breath of the Heavens is up to something, but I left the exact nature of his up-to-something-ness purposefully vague.
- My default assumption was that he really is Kestrel's best friend, and is doing what he thinks is best for him. He's an example of a non-evil Conniver Nature, just like young Lex Luthor in the Smallville TV show. The reason he's boinking Sauda is because he thinks she's no good for Kestrel, and he wants them to break up. By the same token, he might become Cricket's implacable enemy, since he doesn't want her to cost Kestrel his job and/or life.
- He might also be using Kestrel as an unwitting dupe. It's not beyond imagining that he specifically planned for Kestrel to become infatuated with Cricket, and go back to save her, thereby winning her trust. Eventually, she'd give him the amulet, at which point Breath-of-Heaven, or his agents, would swoop in and "tidy up." The idea here is that an unwitting agent, who acts according to genuine emotion, is better than one who is putting on an act.
- Whether or not his little speech to Sauda about Kestrel's possible motivations was complete BS might depend somewhat on what his goals are. Whether or not she bought it will also affect her logical course of action in the future.
Praise, Criticism, Suggestions, knock-knock jokes?
Well, maybe not knock-knock jokes. What do you think of the first chapter? I know it's very episodic, but it laid itself out as a manga in my mind. --Dissolvegirl
I like it, it has a certain flair to it. I might consider writing the next chapter, but not until after I've done by PotW part:) Hopefully, if there is justice in the world, someone will have already signed up for part 2 by then;P *grins* -- CrownedSun
There definitely has to be a scene involving falling cherry blossoms and Kestrel looking handsome. And a mopey long-haired prettyboy, too. Good to see a story which offers themes and mood dramatically different from the currently-extant ones.\\ _Ikselam Too bad the title doesn't end with a word whose first letter is "e," because then the acronym would be CAKE, and everyone loves cake!
Cricket And KEstrel... CAKE. It's already in there!\\ And there ain't no story that can't be improved by the addition of a mopey long-haired prettyboy. Especially if there are pictures. ;) - Quendalon
Me likes this. Pale Cricket is a very different take on Solars, and one that I like. She slightly resembles my characters mortal wife, wich, I know, does not say good things about my character. medivh
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