General Discussion Forum for Phoenix of the West
Put general comments and questions about the story as a whole here.
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WBM is in a discouraging state of stasis, with the occasional chapter of CaKe going up. This is unacceptable. I really think that we need to try to take a chapter from CrunchRelay and if something is stagnating, push ourselves to finish it off, even if that means signing up for every other chapter. I think the only way any of these stories are ever going to see an ending is if we push ourselves to make that ending. We can't just look at this monumental amount of effort and waste it by letting everything go unfinished.
PotW is the closest to some sort of closing point. When this happens, there can always be room for a sequel. But this tale needs an end.
I'm going to sign up for another chapter. When I get a second wind, I'll probably sign up again. I really, really hope someone signs up in the meantime. --dissolvegirl
I'd contribute if I didn't suck so horrendously in comparison to the stuff already up there. I suspect the majority of people watching on are probably of a similar opinion. You all wrote too well, if such a thing could be considered a vice. -- Miedvied
Believe me when I say that there is no such thing as not being good enough to write for WBM. The only criteria for writing at WBM is a desire to add something and enough spare time to write what averages out to 1000 characters (not words) a day for 10 days. If you're wondering, what I've already written in this response, including this entire sentence, comes out to 210 characters, give or take. <- 8 passages that long a day, or more or less depending on what your idea needs. Also, we may not always be big on signing up all the time, but many of us are always willing to get ideas bounced off of us, cheerlead should writer's block happen, and whatever else you should need.
I was scared to death the first time I signed up for WBM (my first chapter was on this story, in fact) but it has been one of my greatest wiki pleasures. And it's one you shouldn't deny yourself without trying it first. ;) --dissolvegirl
What she said. The more people involved in this sort of project, the better, even if some of them aren't as confident or technically skilled as others. So if you've thought about participating, you definitely should. The purpose of this project is not solely to show off your mad command of written English, but also to make yourself better through practice. _Ikselam
I am the suckiest suck to ever suck. I just.. I hit a big, ugly wall, and there went everything. I just sent the first half of my chapter to willows, who was kind enough to offer to finish it off. I guess when trying to rehab something that requires this amount of effort, it's all about the baby steps. Right? --dissolvegirl is feeling chagrin.
Hmmm, I've started on my first draft. It's going pretty good. I could probably just post what I've got now, if no more inspiration comes, it's a good bit of stuff, but I'm going to hold out and write more. Some ideas came to me!:)
I've got a (fairly long) Oteitani and Sanan scene in there, for instance. I think it's pretty interesting, and sets the room for future romance or other plotlines very well. The whole curse story figures in there fairly well, and I asked myself "why wouldn't Sanan turn him over to Lyeshe?" The idea that came to me -- 'she figures he can be cured!'
I also have a scene that I'm not entirely happy with -- the idea being that Khadka goes with Taban to rescue Osol, his daughter, over Taban's own protests and such. He even calls Taban his son for the first real time, in order to get it to happen. He knows that his daughter is in danger, he knows that his friend is in danger, he wants to help out...he feels the NEED to help out. I figure he's a pretty brave guy, and accomplished as well if a bit old (if not 'really old'). Even so, I can see this going badly.
Lastly, more Osol stuff:) I've got her at kind of a low point, so she can rise above. Slave collars there, might as well use it. I was also thinking of the idea that her first age incarnation made the collars in the first place. My other idea is that a Deathlord made them, and Lyeshe secretly works for one of those;P And that the Deathlord would come calling and tell her that he wants Osol in Thorns/Haunted Kirighasti Place/whatever instead of on the Blessed Isle;P However I'm not sure how I like that...\\ -- CrownedSun
I'm still pushing the idea of Stone Face having a little chat with her. We do know that Lyeshe serves some kind of master, who apparently has ways of locating Taban (at least in a general sense). Astrology? Sorcery? Or something darker and more melodramatic?
I dunno about the Khadka thing. Makes sense, I guess... could also be a pain. Dunno.
I'm interested to know what happened to Sanan at the oasis.\\ _Ikselam
The reason I didn't have the gods in my bit is twofold: I don't think I could have written the kri successfully, and I'm trying to keep PotW and CtS separate in my mind (CtS is a more Games-of-Divinity thing to me, and CaKe even more so.) I like the idea of using them, though. I also think that Osol is a lot more talented and subtle than she's been getting credit for, and you're just the man to give it to her.
Khadka is sort of a pain. I think he's aware that Taban is very, very capable in his strange way, and if he's going to try and help out, it'll be by gathering the other brave warrior men of the clan, not by tagging along like some kind of sidekick. That's just me, though. (I'd like to think of the Delzahn folks as part of a tightly-knit social structure, very different from loner Exalted culture.)
Finally, I think you will get more story mileage figuring out exactly what the collar is and how it works rather than where it came from and why it is here. There are enough characters pulling in different directions, and maybe this is a good time to work with that instead of introducing elements that dilute the significance of their interactions.
I agree with both Ikselam and willows. I think it would work even better for Khadka to gather other able-bodied men to help out; it would help if, later in the story, there was a Solar-friendly place for the Circle to return to, and we already can surmise that the clan is proud of their association with Taban and Osol from the story that's being told.
And I, too, am really freakin' curious about that oasis. --Dissolvegirl
Hmmm, I noted being iffy about the Khadka bit -- I like the idea of him gathering a few able-bodied men. *ponders* Also, focus more on the Oasis;P Good feedback; thanks! -- CrownedSun
Fishing for some brainstorming here.
Osol is stronger than Taban - she's going to deal with the collar better. It's going to suck, but not just for her. I'm going to give her and Lyeshe some offscreen time, not the least because I don't like the slave collar thing a lot and think someone else will handle it better. Somewhere here Osol will flare her anima to one of the higher levels; it lights her in lambent gold on one side, and muted indigo on the other, like a Solar version of the Norse goddess Hel. For some reason this will really freak Lyeshe out - has he seen that anima before? (It's explicit that in PotW Creation, animas are associated with sparks, see Ote.)
Sanan will get lost in the desert for a while, and gets back to Lyeshe after Oteitani does. Duh, Ote's the best tracker this side of Gem! This puts her into an uncomfortable position, but she is smart, and will probably try to manipulate some benefit out of it.
Taban is probably going to head into the desert and mess around with the local spirits - maybe Stone Face will do something for his servant kri. Certainly he enjoys that Osol is in his debt and will go to some effort to protect that investment. Lots of Eclipsey stuff here. - willows
A thought I had a while back is that Stone Face might try to leverage Osol even further into debt by offering to help her escape when the time is right. Since she still has the gemlord's eye, he almost certainly knows what's up, and can telepathically speak to her at any time. He might even go so far as to dispatch a jokun hit squad if he was sure he could get away with it.\\ _Ikselam
Rather makes sense. - w
Another idea I had was that Sanan could eventually turn out to be a romantic interest for Oteitani. This is essentially random, and wouldn't be anything that would crop up for several more chapters at least, but I thought I'd throw it out. Another, not so random idea is that she could eventually Exalt as a Night Caste. Again, that would be something which should occur much later in the story, if at all. Both of these ideas rely, to some extent, on my not-highly-substantiated notion that she's basically an opportunist (and probably a Thrillseeker nature), and works for Lyeshe because the pay is good and the life is exciting, not because she feels any particular bonds of loyalty to him.\\ _Ikselam
Hm. I'm not going touch any love-interest stuff for a while. Here's my plan for this ep so far:
- Round out Lyeshe's character; make him more "bishi hottievillain" and less "cackling mindless antagonist".
- Get Sanan into some kind of trouble, to showcase her obvious intelligence.
- Put Sanan and Ote at odds, because they are clearly the people-in-power in Lyeshe's party, whether he would have it or no.
- Take a look at what's going on back at Khadka and Tuluy's house.
- Generally take a break from the action in order to make the characters deeper, and give Brandon some hooks to climb onto.
This is rather different from my previous plan. - willows
I'm still pleased as punch that you liked the bishonen bent on Lyeshe. I definitely see him brooding evilly with rosepetals or something else silly and anime floating around him on occasion. --dg
Khadka is a "young man." Osol is his daughter. How old is Osol? I picture her as being in mid to late adolescence, but when I hear "young man," I think "early to mid 20s," and that doesn't really jive with having offspring much older than 10. Thoughts?\\ _Ikselam
I was thinking about this, and I'm thinking that Osol is a little younger than you think she is - she's mature for her age, but has room to get power-drunk. Khadka, probably in the neighborhood of 30... old enough to have an adolescent child if he fathered the child while he was an adolescent himself. - willows
If we assume he got married and had kids at the age of 14 (definitely not inconceivable; just look at Romeo and Juliet), he'd still have to be older than what I think of as "young." I freely admit that this is my viewpoint talking, though. I can even come up with an easy gloss: since the narrator is Khadka's mom, she'd probably think of him as young even if he was old and gray.\\ _Ikselam
Sorry ladies and gents but work, commute, and homework have crippled my freetime. I have notes, lots of notes, and will act upon them this weekend, but not before. Patience! -Dim
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