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I hope everyone likes what I did here. I wanted to try something different so...humorous drama involving the Gods!:P -CrownedSun
I love what I've read, I love the idea, but the layout is killing me. The horizontal scrollbar makes it hard to read, as does the lack of breaks between the dialogue of various characters. Make it a little more reader-friendly, and I'm willing to bet you'll have a hit on your hands. ;) --Dissolvegirl
I hadn't noticed that, myself, until too late. I screwed up most of the bolded actions, but oh well -- I'll let someone else fix that, as I'm done now;P If I'd known how annoying it would be to do a drama...well, I'd probably still do it anyway;P - CrownedSun
I'd imagine that writing in play format would be made much easier by taking advantage of the "Replace All" function found in most word-processors. All you'd have to do is refer to each character by some abbreviation that won't show up in the main text; e.g., MoSec for Jupiter. Then, when you are done, you can do a search/replace, substituting "<b>Maiden of Secrets</b>" for "MoSec".
In fact, this is probably the smart way to do text formatting in any story. It's easier to type "*bang!**", than "<i>bang!</i>".\\ _Ikselam
Hmmmm, that's a pretty good suggestion. And yes, it does sound like it'd be easier to type MoSec than the whole shebang -- or whatever abbreviation the writer prefers, one suposes. Though really, I didn't have nearly as much trouble writing the thing out until after I did it and discovered that the thing was a series of one run-on sentences. Trying to fix that annoyed me; if I'd done the \\'s at the end of every sentence, it would have been a lot easier. The bold stuff wasn't that bad;) Another option would be to just type out the data for the characters your using in that scene, then just use cut and paste to plug 'em in the beginnings of various sentences. --CrownedSun
Since SandJack beat me to the punch while I waffled, I will throw out an idea I had. I feel that there should be a Chorus. The chorus should consist of the Maiden of Endings, and possibly her sisters as well -- heck, maybe even all 7.5 Celestial Gods. In any event, Saturn should always get the last word, and she should always speak in rhyme. Why? I dunno, maybe she just likes theatre. A corollary to my notion was that some other Maiden would notice the rhyming, and get on her case about it.\\ _Ikselam
Ooh, I really like Act II as it exists so far -- am I to assume that since you didn't do a "End Act II" bit, that the next writer can continue/finish the act? There still seems to be a lot more to do in this act after all. There's a few little typing errors here and there that I'd be happy to fix up for you. I'm aware of just how annoying all the formatting I had to do on my part was, and I don't want anyone else getting intimidated. But don't consider that a threat or anything -- feel free to take your time.
Of the story itself, we've got some nice stuff here. I like what you did with the Bandit Leader and his Abyssal Exaltation. The Mask of Winters reference was amusing too:D I totally wasn't expecting that, but it really works out very well. The chorus was fun too:D Anyone going to sign up for part 3??? :D\\ -- CrownedSun
It was quick but fun. I definitely enjoyed reading it. :) --dissolvegirl
Yeah, I got the main ideas close to the deadline, and didn't have time to do much besides a simple spell check before I posted it up. Feel free to continue the act -- it certainly doesn't feel finished to me. If I'd had my drutthers I'd have put more in the middle and ended with the exaltation, but I was working mostly on developing hooks and didn't want to take up too much that I had thrown out. Also, I have the feeling that the story still needs a little more in the way of conflict and characters -- I worked on that a little by adding an in-story hook into Hannak'Dur's Obligation, but otherwise -- I dunno. Just seems like there are too few groups of characters and relationships to build scenes that differentiate from one another without adding in the gods too much. But that's just my reaction. \\ -- SandJack
I decided, since I'm having trouble coming up with more than a few key things I want to hit, that I'd put some of my ideas out here and see what people think, and if they have any ideas of their own.
-I think the chorus would be perfect for a scene where the bandit officially gives up his name at the mouth of the Void. I can hear the Whispers already. ;) Ideally, I would want this to happen on a spit stage, intermingling with some other important and dramatically appropriate scene. But what?
-Although she's probably gateful for being rescued, I don't think Rosimund will be too happy with the bloodbath that undoubtedly ensues when the newly exalted and power-drunk Cailus rescues her. It would be ironic if he loses his love after all, but it would sort of get rid of the great "true love" bent the story seems to be taking.
Hmm.. --dissolvegirl
Less frowny drama mask, more smiley drama mask is what I think this story needs. I think our angst quota is pretty well filled by the other stories. So I'm of the mind that Rosimund should be all "Hot dog, Cailus just killed all those horrible bandits just for me! I can't wait to see what other amazing deeds he performs in the name of our love!" when they're reunited. Maybe with some humorous/immature innuendo regarding wang mixed in there.
Obviously the bandit leader should be Abyssalized while Cailus and Rosimund think about their bright new future together. Obvious to me, anyway.\\ _Ikselam
Very interesting! I like the idea of the chorus being at the Abyssalization, and the idea that Ikselam had about the timing of that event. As for the Rosimund romance, whatever you end up doing is fine for me. On one hand, it's a young romance and one of the parties has deeply changed. On the other hands, it's one of the things currently holding the story together.
I'd really like to see more Hannak`Dur and Wang Fu, too:D If you can work them into a more prominent place in this part, that would be great, since if we don't get them in soon I fear that they might end up relegated to the sidelines. Which would be a shame. He'd, perhaps, be a good way to keep the two lovers together long enough for you to have a little worry yet still the profession of love and long life together. -- CrownedSun
Just a couple things I want to mention about this last installment.
Note: the "inheritance" thing either is a mere part of the sacred mission, or nothing to do with it at all-- there may even be no inheritence. It's simply what Hannuk told Cailus; the truth and the "why" of the matter is up to the next writer(s). I didn't want people to think I'd randomly chosen what the big sacred mission was; after all, he wouldn't have to devote "all his time" to holding on to a friend's stuff.
- Rosimund was a character that gave me a lot of trouble at first, because I kept wanting to stick her in a stereotype and forget about her-- but "because it sort of makes sense" is no good reason to do it. What I decided is that Rosimund is playing the damsel-in-distress sort of clinging Shakespearean romantic heroine, when deep down, the whole thing with the bandit had affected her greatly. She truly does care for and believe in Cailus, but she is never going to allow anyone to harm her again. Ikselam had the idea that she could perhaps become a lighter version of Lady MacBeth, sort of pushing her husband into power, and I like that. It could work quite well.
- Hannuk Dur is keeping Cailus' inheritance. I think Hannuk and Zael Light-Bringer (a name I had come up with before I remembered that the bandit's new name is Darkness When All is Bright, which turned out to be a nice counterpoint) were close friends in the first age before Zael's wacky Curse-induced paranoia got the better of him. (Nature: conniver.) Therefore he's only going to give up Zael's inheritence-- whatever it may be-- when he's damned sure Cailus is not going to squander his friend's legacy.
Thanks big-time to CrownedSun and Ikselam for helping me out on this. I was starting to think I was going to have to withdraw my sign-up to write this part, but between the awesome ideas they gave me, I was able to not only be satisfied with how this part turned out, I was also able to get it done a day early. :) --dissolvegirl
I'm glad I was able to help, and I'm very happy with how the part turned out:D I especially like the scene with Lytek and Ren Li; "so why are you here?" was a great thing, and his 'answer' was amusing:D I liked the Rosimund bit -- especially with the hammer. When I made her, she was pretty much just a little bit character with no real substance. You added a lot onto that, without even making her some kind of weird chosen or anything, so that's definately cool. I also like what you did with Darkness When All is Light -- for a character that I thought was dead, he's becoming one of my favorite recurring characters!:D
All in all, you did a great job with this part -- I look forward to seeing what develops in the next part!!!:D -- CrownedSun
I, personally, am all for this being his big obligation. After all, it's still shrouded in mystery. Darkness is really coming into his own. Funny, the way you described the casting away of his name is a lot like I've always imagined it to be, with the whispers of the Malfeans/Mask/Oblivion obscuring his name away. Like the giving of the name to the princess in the film version of the neverending story. -- SandJack
I'll admit, when I was first writing this, I was picturing the inheritence as being his big obligation-- but then I reread the notes on the play and thought, "Crap! We're supposed to all decide what the obligation is together, and never outright mention what it is!" So it's up to the authors that follow me to decide what to make of Cailus' "inheritance." ;) --dissolvegirl
The main (only?) problem I have with it is that I'm unsure how, as you said, an inheritance would take up all of his time. If that can be dealt with, though, I think it's a nifty idea as well -- there's still a lot to define about what the inheritance is, after all:D -- CrownedSun
Well, I have some ideas, at least for one inheiritance "thing"... but I really don't want to ruin a perfectly good story. -- haren
GoD is here for everyone:D But, hey, recently "share ideas/get help from others" has been a big thing:P I'm sure, even aside from me, there are a few people who would be perfectly happy to help you write the next part without "ruining a perfectly good story" -- but personally, I doubt you'd do that poorly:D -- CrownedSun
Hot Dog! Someone is taking on Act III! Godspeed Haren. And good luck. And collaboration is ALWAYS welcome. Fire off an email if you want help: hlarsson@final-form.com --SandJack
Well, I more wanted to make sure my ideas wouldn't step on toes first. ^_^ I had an idea, which seems like one thing, but will be revealed to not... points out, just ignore the crazy here- haren
Going to ask for a slight extension if no one minds. I just found the wiki up, and well, I planned to start on Saturday or Sunday but... when I went to start. There was a slight lack of wiki. >_< anyway, it's back, and I'm going to finish. - haren
Looks pretty good. No major twists or reveals, just a decent "staying the course" chapter -- which is good. Not every chapter can be an inflection point. On a technical note, I saw a couple formatting errors, mainly having to do with boldface and italic markup. Did you use search-replace to create the wiki markup?\\ _Ikselam
Yeah, then went over by hand, but I could have probably missed it. I'm pretty bad with editing, and figured this way I'd actually not miss as much. Also, I saw this more as a way of... changing two of the characters, they grow a bit and it's like volleyball. One person sets up the ball, so someone else can spike it. - haren
As I already told you, haren, I really enjoyed this chapter. The dialogue is really well done, and you managed to visit all of the major players-- plus kept Cailus from becoming an unlikeable character. Nicely done. --dissolvegirl
All right, It's been two installments. I'm biting the bullet and taking a chapter. --SandJack
Awesome to hear. May the Muses visit you often. Just one question... April 40? -- haren
SandJack transcends time and space.\\ _Ikselam
I apparently do, as I completed the piece by the 34th. --SandJack
