- This is just stream of consciousness stuff off the top of my head, so don't take it the wrong way but here it is:
- Wtf is courage? I presume you mean valor?
- This has too many form weapons and armor issues to be CMA. And is too powerful to be TMA. You need to pick a power level, and start from there.
- IMprovised weapons are a brawl schtick. While a whole MA based around improvised weapons is cool, this steals that whole thing from brawl as an alsoran of the form.
- Come to think of it, why is this MA and not brawl again?
- Your costs are far too cheap, especially if one happens to be an alchemical exalt who can sub in clarity, for a CMA. It gets even worse if this is supposed to be a TMA practiced by mortals.
- Penalzing people for having high essence is generally a verybad thing. In a very few instances it works in SMA, but that's far, far beyond the scope of this effort.
- So. That's just my once over quick glance. What equivalent MA did you base most of these charms costs and effect levels off of? And why 12 charms? In general, MA is about 10 charms long, with TMA tending towards slightly lower numbers, and more sophisticated martial arts (like the Glorious Dragon Paths) tending towards higher numbers. - ScrollreaderWho hopes this isn't discouraging, but you did ask for feedback.
- Well, let's take a look at what he's saying.
- Ooops. Still going through the VtM deprogramming here. Thanks, fixed it.
- Actually, sans the last attack, which I thought might be CMA leveled, I used Five Dragon style as a comparison.
- Yes, I know Improvised weapons are a brawl shctick. I felt that, with a martial arts built specifically for the mercenaries, street brawlers, and other common filth of the land, a martial arts style built around them would work a lot better.
- Because there's too much devation in themes here to make it a brawl tree, where there's enough of a general progression to make it a Martial Art.
- I disagree. In most cases, this is actually slightly more expensive than Five Dragons, which is a canon style that I assume is practiceable by just about everyone.
- Actually, it doesn't penalize anyone. It does, however, use your permenant essence
Scrollreader's bile directed toward this aroused my interest so I comment. Here goes.
- I based most the costs off of Five Dragons style, though I think I might go back and retool. And lastly, it's twelve charms because I thought it should be twelve charms. I had a bunch of ideas, and I didn't feel like pruning the tree would work too well. -
Bassist159, who still feels that all feed back is good feedback.
Merc Logic: Emapthy is not a trait in Exalted. Even if it was, Martial Arts generally doesn't do dice adders and this one's function is fairly odd anyway.
It's mainly themeatic. But yes, I'm fixing it. Thanks for pointing that out.
Muscle and Hate: Too strong, too cheap. That's more like an SMA power level charm.
Fixed, nice and simple.
Lethal Defense: This charm doesn't make sense. Oh, I understand what you want it to do, but your text does not reflect that intention in anything but the vaguest way.
Huh. I'll work on that, then.
Steel Justice: Actually, this is alright. Good job.
Form Charm: This just doesn't work very well. There are not normally penalties associated with improvised weapons. And what bonus does the form confer with firearms and knives? +1 or +2 to what? Everything? Anything?
Must have been a holdover fact stuck in my head from WoD. Sorry. Yeah, I'll fix that. And it's only a +1 if you have a knife <i>or a projectile weapon (or an improvised one), and a +2 if you have both.</i>
Death Deal: Eh. It works.
Gang Slaughter: They who?
...You know, you're right. Fixed.
Team Hunting: Another good charm. This would probably be alright lower on the tree.
Vigilante Execution: This should be supplemental and instant.
Guerilla Attack: Eh. It works. Drop the WP cost.
Effortless Annihilation: What does this charm DO? your opponent, I think, takes some amount of Aggravated damage and is knocked down. Is this a supplemental charm that makes the normal damage of one attack into Aggravated damage? If so, say that.
Yeah. Sorry. This is getting some severe editing.
Rain of Blood and Steel: Making 5+ attacks against a single target is pretty nice. making 5+ attacks against every target in your range? That's out of power scale for even an essence 5 CMA charm.
Yeah, I was thinking that myself. I need to rethink it. Might just be essence x 2 number of attacks against one target, which seems like a more logical refinement of essence number of attacks against another target, and a nice finishing charm.
Overall: Your powerscale is totally messed up. It looks like you had a brainstorm one night and threw this together in about an hour without giving any thought to organization or powerlevel. Clean up the text, make everything specific about what it does, how it does and it who it does it on. Also, there's no way in hell this is a TMA. It's at least a CMA and some charms are SMA level. - Telgar
-You know, yeah. After thinking about it, this does need to be a Celestial Level Martial Art.
Why is Gang Slaughter Simple and not Extra Action? Is this meant to allow comboes involving stupidly high amounts of actions? If so, it seems slightly undercosted. Finally, with either Simple or Extra Action, the user can't dodge or parry anyway, unless they use a combo. If this charm explicitly forbids defending even in a combo, you need to state that explicitly. And, as Telgar says, 'they' in the charmtext is too vague... if it actually inflicts that nasty penalty on the defender, that also needs to be stated explicitly.
That aside, is this an MA for a custom setting? it seems like it would fit very nicely in almost any of the more modern subsettings, there are lots around. Would that explain the extra rules that you refer to?
-- Darloth likes the style as a slightly post-apoc gritty sort of thing, now if only we could find out where that is.
Actually, no, this wasn't meant for stupid amounts of actions. Both charms have been edited. I'm severely editing the charms for this. It really should have been a Celestial level style. And yes, this is for a setting I'd been working on a little, a Cyberpunk redux for Exalted. I just wanted to see if the normal MA jived, first. - Bassist159, who can already hear groans about a CP Exalted game. (Cyberpunk: RY 916?)
Bassist, would you object if I went through and fixed your charms FOR you because I don't want to write out alternate mechanics somewhere else and you've still got a fairly large number of issues. - Telgar
- This is funny, because I actually got an "Edit Alert!" message as I was working on rewriting the charms on this as something a tad more coherent and CMA. If you feel the need to, go ahead, please. - Bassist159.