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Gaming Quotes

In the process of the Game come quotes that are too awesome, and to forget them is a travesty. If there is already a communal page for this, then I will delete this and post them there. Otherwise here they go, feel free to add your own if you like.

All In Character quotes are normal text, Outside of Character are Italicised, and Bold comments are notes/ commentary/ actions etc. But thats my formatting style.

Mentioned Wikizens: Derek, David, and of course Chris

Sam: Okay, so Maiden of Secrets, they're Ninjas?
Derek: Yeah, but you dont need to limit yourself like that.
Sam: Nah I do want to be a proper stealthy Ninja.
David: Ah, so you want to be a Ninja-Ninja.
Derek: I ordered the Ninja-Ninja, but instead they gave me the Ninja-Ninja Ninja-Ninja.

Derek: Okay, you use the personality over-ride spike, and the defective custodian is now your personal weapon mech.
David: Awesome, I command it to tell me what happend to it.
Derek: It got stuck... then fell down.
David: Okay... what happend before that.
Derek: ...It got stuck... then fell down.
Many gaming sessions later.
Jason: So, whats the deal with his personal mech?
Derek & Chris: It got stuck... then fell down.
David: I hate you both.
Many sessions and a new campaign later...
Brent: So what kind of familiars can I have?
David: Anything. For example my character I have a pair of crows, whos eyes I can see out of.
Chris: As opposed to the mech.
Derek: Which got stuck... then fell down.
David: ...I hate you both.

Derek: Okay, so I summon a freed demon, so I can beat it up and send it back to Malfeas.
Chris: Okay, lets just do some randomising. Dice are rolled. Oh... wow, a Second Circle Demon.
Derek: ... I think I'll call some back up.
Chris: Good idea.

Discussing a Video game Exploitation
David: Heh, i had me a full pattern i took, to min-max the best. Fighter-barbarian-paladin-ranger-samurai-ninja-assassin characters. That nets you an assload of HP, and 5 of the 6 spheres of magic.
Chris: That right there would make any DnD DM shit their pants if you tried to multi-class that.
David: Yeah
Chris: And an Exalted ST would say, "So... a Solar?"

Paincake: Alright, so the second circle demon's turned the 10 square feet surrounding you into molten glass.
Kyle: ....
Paincake: Um.. Kyle? What do you do?
Kyle: I @$%!ing DIE.

Paincake: Two gate guards. One is asleep in his little guardroom at the left base of the gate. The guard on the right sits in an identical guardroom, but he rests casually against the wall, his chair tilted waaaay back so he can keep his eyes on the door.
Ian: I've got the sleeper.
Kyle: Alright.. I move silently towards the other guard's door and sneak up to him.
Paincake: ... He's.. he's facing the only entrance to a five-by-five foot space, Kyle.
Kyle: (expression of wide eyed maddened concentration, hands out at his sides, creeping forward agonizingly slowly) I said I sneak up to him.
Paincake: The guard keeps his gaze on the door as you creep right up to him, still leaning back casually.

Playing Werewolf. Eric is playing a Bone Gnawer with a giant enchanted pipe. (Unrelated tidbit: He has a bag of plenty. It provides infinite golf clubs.. he uses them to hit people.)

Paincake: It rends the gauntlet with a sound like dying children, the milk curdles on the shelves to your left, the glass splinters and breaks everywhere for 20 feet. Its taloned hind limbs crack the cheap tiles under its tread. It begins to..
Eric(interrupting): What is it?!
Paincake: ..uh, its a ba (starting to say 'bane')
Paincake: Wha..?
Eric: I put it in my pipe and I smoke it!

Playing DND

Paincake: The destruction is everywhere you walk in the trail of the orcish warband. The dead line the streets and causeways of small towns and cities, buildings are burned to indescribable ash. Orcish whores lie violated by the side of the road, apparently a commonality between the races. There's money to be had in following the soldiers wherever they go.
Ian: Eric, you know what this means?
Eric&Ian Unison: SLOPPY SECONDS!!
Paincake: You're !@%$ing joking!
Manuel: Yeah, its more like sloppy nineteenths.

Paincake: ...the wall appears nigh unbreakable and the guards are raining arrows down on your heads with increasing fervor. Unassailable as the etchings upon it make it appear, the dire face writ upon the gate mocks your futile attempts at cracking the hammered iron. The enemy steadily approaches, and you are now between a rock and a hard place.
Eric: I whip my spear(or sword?) around and tie a chain to it, and when I see that big guard poke his head up again I throw it into his chest. I jump and his body (falling backwards) pulls me over.
Manuel: I grab the arrows that they shoot down at us out of my armor and I stab them into the wall as I climb.
Paincake: Zesaz(my char) looks at (Ian's character's name) and shrugs, turning his hands into cockroaches and using them to climb the wall in his place.

(Collective silence, waiting for impressive display by Ian.)

Ian: !@#$ you guys. I charleston up the wall. (does the charleston) (while charleston-ing) One second, there's me, on one side of the wall. The next, I'm doing the charleston, then I'm up the wall, and down the other side.


Ian: That was bullsh*t man.
Paincake: What?
Ian: Eric does this bad-ass stunt, Manuel too, and then you come up with that crap.
Paincake: Don't know what you're talking about.
Ian: Three words. "Cockroaches. For. Hands."

Paincake: I'm having trouble coming up with evil powers for an Exalted sorcery. Can you help me?
Romeo: Well if it were me, I would strip off someone skin with telikinetic evil and flay them with it. That's a good start. But if I wanted to get really serious, I could also just give someone the bottom jaw and throat of a dog.
Paincake: That's not evil exactly.
Romeo: But I'd do it wrong.

Paincake(Several puzzled moments thinking on it. Realizes that a person cannot breathe or have blood come to their brain through a dog throat. Also realizes the sheer aberration factor)

Paincake: !! Oh! Oh man, that's.. that's !@#$ing evil!
Romeo: Exactly!

Kao: You want to summon a demon? why?
Chris: Seriously. Why does your Character want to summon a demon?
Brent / Roland: Because its cool!
Independantly Deviant Examiner (IDE): You're a Solar, you've dealt with other Lunars before right?
Auron: Yeah.
IDE: Are they all this erratic?
Auron: I hope not.

Salani (Eclipse): So you snuck away and went gambling?
NPC Mortal Prince: Yes I did! Not only did I gamble, but since I am distinguished royalty, I gambled with the god of gambling (insert god name here).
Salani: (mumbled)@#$..don't tell me you lost this bet?
Prince: I lost, and I won't pay him either. I was swindled I tell you.
Salani: I am pretty sure the god of gambling knows the god of loan sharking, so it is best that you pay up.

After a Battle with a Second Circle Demon
Chris: Okay, net result, the demon was banished. Your voice is gone for the rest of the scene, and her creepy screaming clothes are left Behind.
Derek: Okay.
Flow of Waters Change: Picks up clothes made of voices. Mind if I keep this?
Steel Minded Soldier: Makes gestures to agree.
Flow of Waters Change: Hmm... If you want me to paint your Manse in pink, say nothing.
Steel Minded Soldier: Takes a prayer strip and writes on it. It reads: "Your Retribution will be swift, and painful."

Because X-men is Exalted in its own way...
Chris: Wolverine is a lunar. He didnt bother with DBT and bought the Unarmed tree. Three words: Scimitar Claw Technique.
David: Ah. Of course.
Chris: This also means that Sabre-tooth is a Lunar too, but took the Flaw "Ugly as a Mules Arse."

After summoning a demon to be his personal body-guard...
Brent: I tell the demon to attack!
Chris: Attack what?
Brent: What is there?
Derek: In the South? Sand.
Brent: Fine attack the sand.
Everyone else: .....
Derek: The Tomescu attacks the sand, leaving a small ditch where it attacked.

Being attacked from all sides be sentient vines.
Brent: I tell the Spahki (the demon) to kill the attacker
David: They're vines, they aren't really alive to be killed.
Derek: You've never seen a Tornado shrug before but....

Chris: Flow of Waters Change (Raihen) convinces some other Sidereals to play cards with him.
David: ...Lord... I have Jaheira begin to write IOUs for the others to use.
Derek: Steel Minded Soldier looks over her shoulder as she does.
Steel Minded Soldier: Hm, yup, leagally binding.
Chris: Plentimon of the Dice, God of gambling watches the card game.
Sam / Viel of Midnight: Why isn't the Plentimon playing? How good can Raihen be at cards?
Chris: You've never seen the night-sky cringe before but....

Chris: In an act of sheer Audacity, Raihen takes some of the gambled ambrosia, and forms it into a Jade Shekel, and places it into Viconicas cleavage.
David: Whats the roll to slap him?
Chris: Temperance, difficulty of Raihens appearance.
David: Shit.
Sam: So what happens in character?
Chris: Okay, well, Raihen places the shekel in her cleavage, the God of Indignation who is also at the party, says, "Oh no, he di'nt.", but the God of Sleaze says, "Oh but he did! Oh yeah!" While Viconica begins to giggle like a school girl.
Sam: The God of Sleaze?
Chris: Yes.
Derek: Oh man, you can imagine him fondling the mixed nuts.
Chris: No, the Trail mix, which wasnt served, he brought it himself.
Derek: Hell yes!

Chris: The girls hug, and the God of Sleaze is there, he shouts, "That's Hot!"
Derek: The god of Sleaze is my new favourite god.

Chris: okay, you've used the spell to open the calibration gate for ten minutes, but seeing as you are in the middle of Thorns, be prepared to defend the gate untill its about to close, so you can jump back out.
Sam: Okay.
Chris: After five minutes of waiting, an Abyssal Exalted appears, they seem interesrted in the gate.
Sam: Crap, what do I do?
David: You fight him for four minutes and fifty-seven seconds, then jump through the gate before it closes.
Sam: I figured as much but how? Its an Abyssal!
Chris: Dude, you have Air Dragon Armour, go Palpatine on his ass.

Chris: So you're going to hide a young Solar Exalted at your manse in Yu-shan?
Derek: You said she was an eclipse caste right? I'll teacher Underling Invisibility Practice, and she can hide there for a while. Also, I tell her...
SMS: Don't touch the quintessence
Chris: Okay, just remember, she is 14 years old.
Chris: As Steel Minded Soldier sleeps, someone is pokeing him.
SMS: What do you want?
(Young Solar) Kiru: I'm hungry. I want breakfast.
SMS: What did you have for breakfast yesterday?
Kiru: Apples.
SMS: Forms quintessence into apples. There.
Kiru: I had apples yesterday.
SMS: Pauses. Of course. Forms quintessence into peaches. There.
Kiru: I don't like peaches that much.
SMS: feeling slightly irritated. What do you want?
Kiru: Pancakes.
SMS: Forms quintessence into Pancakes. There.
Kiru: Can I have some Syrup?
SMS: .... Heres how you shape quintessence. Teaches.

Auron: So whats your story?
Kao: Well, you know I'm not exactly normal looking, right?
Chris: As soon as you say that, Idependantly Deviant Examiner walks past who is currently _not_ using his human skin.
Kao: Stares.
Auron: Looks at IDE, looks back to Kao. I've seen alot of odd looking things. But go on....

SMS: We want you to come with us.
Arai (Night Caste super-thief): Why should I?
SMS: We intend to setup the new Solar Deliberative, and you will be apart of it.
Arai: Sorry, but I see no incentive.
Kiru: Amatuer. Uses: Knowing the Souls Price. And whispers to Steel Minded Soldier He likes money, lots of money.
SMS: Pauses. Being part of the Solar deliberative will bring you wealth beyond your imagining.
Arai: Aweseome, let me get my coat!

Ordering Pizza.
Chris: Why dont we order a Meat-lovers with chicken?
Derek: Thats an awesome idea!
Sam: Hell yes, why havent we thought of that before?
On the Phone with Pizza guys.
Derek: We want a BBQ meatlovers with chicken.... Talking to us: They love the idea.
David: Haha!

Veil of Midnight: Kao, you must return to your tomb, there you will meet your destiny.
Kao: I'm sorry friends, but we must part ways here.
Auron: That isnt Necessary.
Kao: What do you mean?
IDE: May I have the honours?
Auron: You may.
IDE: Activates his Universal Pilot Key Taking control of the manse from the control room.
Chris: As Independanty Deviant Examiner interfaces with the Manse, its form changes, the simple aztec like structure fades, the water is swallowed by the desert, and the trees are no more, a Large Construct Formed of Articulated Plate in the shape of a squat cylinder, nearly a kilometer across ascends from the desert floor, beneath the structure rotates a large ring surrounded by seperate shards, in a rotating constant, alike to the Dawn Caste Mark of the Solar Exalted. Thus, Home, Bikanel, the Impenetrable Fortress of the Sky, Reborn.
Derek: At this moment the Loom of Fate recognises the shift in the dragon lines, and warning klaxons sound as Ode to Joy starts to play in the background.
Chris:... Two bonus points.

IDE: I have a plan to gain some terrestrial followers for you.
Auron: How?
IDE: Are the things I hear about this House Cynis true?
Arai: Oh yeah.
IDE: Then I shall be back later.
One extended social performance stunt, using most, if not all alchemical social charms later.
IDE: Not an army, but its a start.
Auron: How many did you get?
IDE: Four-hunded and twenty members of house Cynis. All female.
Auron: Was this from the middle of a party of theirs?
IDE: Is that a problem?
Raihen: Covers Kiru's eyes.
Kiru: Hey!
Raihen: I think their state of un-dress is an obvious indicator.
Viconica: Covers Raihen's Eyes.
Raihen: Hey!
Viconica: Quiet you.


May I add a few of my own? Or is this a Ninja-only fly-zone? I'll slap a few of mine here in the Comments section and you can decide to destroy them or not. =P - Paincake

All gaming Comments are welcome Paincake, welcome to the house of fun. - ArabianNinja

Another couple of sessions today, and I remembered a few older gags because some jokes dont die. In reference to the tornado and the night sky shrugging, look up your copy of GoD for a picture of Plentimon of the Dice, God of gambling, and Tomescu, Clamourous Cloud Arsenal, Demon of the First Circle, Prodgeny of the Living Tower. Remember folks, feel free to add your own, this is for everyones enjoyment. Hugs and Kisses. - ArabianNinja

The joke relating to Ode to Joy is not the most obvious, but those who get it know exactly why its funny. - ArabianNinja; Just like the Cruel Angel...