Revision as of 08:07, 5 April 2010

JungleBook log 2, part b (pre-prelude)

This is where things start to roll.

• back to JungleBook/Preplan2b/Preplan2a.

<Ikselam> So, Captain X was thinking what a nice day at sea it was.

• Domino listens intently, proud to be a part of this noble, non-island-vaporizing tradition!

<Ikselam> He thought to himself, "My name is not actually Captain X, it is really...."

<BigPat> About that

<BigPat> Is there any historical parallel for naming in the part of the world we come from?

<Ikselam> Pretty much anything non-European.

<Ikselam> People in the West -seem- to mainly have common-word names, like Swan or Quicksilver Falcon or Ebon Siaka.

<Ikselam> (With a siaka being an ill-tempered whale shark.)

<dissolvegirl> There's a lot of adjective-nouning going on in the books and stuff.

<Domino> Jengo Fett. Your name should be Jengo Fett.

<Ikselam> Jenga fett.

• Domino laughs.

<Ikselam> Raised and trained in the fabled tipping towers of jenga.

<Ikselam> So you could conceivably be Captain Devil Ray or something.

<Ikselam> And no one would think twice about it.

<BigPat> hmmmm

<Domino> Huh. Zombie Ray....

<BigPat> How's about Captain Qara Vachir?

<Ikselam> Sure.

<dissolvegirl> Death Zombie would be a good name.

<dissolvegirl> Or Qara Vachir.

<Ikselam> ...for a Deathlord.

<dissolvegirl> That was going to be my next suggestion.

<BigPat> It's roughly mongolian for black thunderbolt

<dissolvegirl> For a name, I mean; not that Pat play a Deathlord.

<Ikselam> Better than Dowager of the Irreverent Vulgate in Unrent Veils, anyway.

<Ikselam> Alright. Mongolia is more like the Southeastern Scavenger Lands, but this is a land of limitless opportunity!

<BigPat> I like to travel

<BigPat> hence the ship

<Ikselam> Right.

<Ikselam> Geez, I have been listening to Queens of the Stone Age on repeat for the past like 5 hours.

<Domino> Whereas I never got much into travel. Hence the island.

<Ikselam> I should... fix that...

<Ikselam> Ah.

<BigPat> why stay in one place and rob people when you can sail the world and rob people!

<Ikselam> So, if you are a swashbuckling corsair, you probably prey on Realm shipping. That's pretty much the thing to do in the West.

<Ikselam> Attack Realm ships and demand their precious cargo; if anyone on deck starts glowing in a color-coded elemental aura, run.

<Ikselam> (Alternately, check through spyglass to see if anyone on deck is wearing ornate jade armor and/or packing a daiklave [=buster sword] before even thinking about boarding.)

<BigPat> that's an even better idea!

<Ikselam> One day not too long ago, Captain Vachir attacked a Realm ship and took all its precious cargo!

<Ikselam> Who should happen to have been on this ship but...

<dissolvegirl> Chejop Kejak?

<Ikselam> No, silly, you!

<dissolvegirl> OH!

<dissolvegirl> ME.

<dissolvegirl> Okay.

<BigPat> We're loaded with booty, now off to some little-known island chain to celebrate in an appropriately piratey manner!

<Ikselam> This is all leading up to the treasure-chest thing.

<Ikselam> Which I still haven't figured out, but I'm sure if we put our heads together we can come up with something!

<BigPat> Maybe she was already chained to the chest in some magically unremovable fashion

<BigPat> which is why I had to take her along

<Ikselam> Handcuffed to a treasure chest?

<dissolvegirl> So Vaschir kidnapped me?

<dissolvegirl> This could be fun.

<Domino> Did Mr. Qara happen to have any mutinous crew members?

<BigPat> I was thinking more it was shackled to her torso or something, but handcuffs work

<Domino> Locked around her chest like a turtle's shell!

<dissolvegirl> "Oh, thank God you came along! They were going to sacrifice me for good sailing." "Really? Huh, sounds like a plan." *sploosh*

<Ikselam> Your ship could have been just sitting there waiting to be robbed because they were getting ready to toss you overboard to appease an angry ocean god you'd angered.

<BigPat> Hmm, ever since we brought her on board that chest she's attached to has been emitting vaguely sulphrous smells and we're all having nightmarish visions. Over the side you go!

<Ikselam> Naturally, you'd want to downplay this to the pirate captain.

<Ikselam> But he might figure it out when the lookout yells "Kraken, dead astern!"

<dissolvegirl> Right. I am SO TOTALLY a damsel in distress.

<Ikselam> Only in the prelude.

<BigPat> Ah crap, not the Kraken again. I told you carrying all that kraken bait was a bad ida!

<dissolvegirl> I know, silly.

<dissolvegirl> "Actually, they chained me to a chest of kraken-bait."

<Domino> Great, send the god-angering lady to the island full of human-hating gods.

<Ikselam> And your knight in shining armor tossed you over the side because you weren't pretty enough to risk a kraken for.

<dissolvegirl> "I mean.. CRAP! I knew I shouldn't have broken that pact with an Eclipse!"

<BigPat> I'm hard pressed to think of anyone pretty enough to risk fighting a kraken, actually, so it's nothing personal/.

<dissolvegirl> :D

<Ikselam> This is the point where she makes up a story about being a runaway Dynast.

<dissolvegirl> "Oh, I am SO REMEMBERING this the next time a Kraken wants you!"

<Ikselam> "Arr, cap'n, this chest be mighty heavy! What say we cut off the wench's leg and keep the treasarrrrrrr?"

<Ikselam> And this is the exact point where Elizabeth's character learned to hate pirates.

<Domino> No wonder she hates pirates.

<Domino> Hey!

<Ikselam> Speaking of, what's her name?

<BigPat> You know, scurvy first mate, that wouldn't be such a bad idea if she hadn't just spontaneously let slip that she's a runaway Dynast. Once I'm done laughing at so transparent a falsehood, then we can cut off her limbs

<Ikselam> "Yarr! The angry tentacle god be gainin' on us!"

<BigPat> Oh crap, chuck her over the side and lay on full sail!

<dissolvegirl> Umm.. I've been trying to come up with something ridiculously, stupidly flowery, long, and hopefully difficult to pronounce which can be shortened into something cute.

<Ikselam> Well, is she still a Realmie?

<dissolvegirl> I was thinking Ana, but everything I came up with sounded to Euro-nonsense for the Realm. Like Ananoriala.

<dissolvegirl> Yes.

<Ikselam> All you need to do for that is come up with the cute name first, then slap on random c-v pairs to either end and get a name.

<dissolvegirl> I'm tryin'!

<dissolvegirl> Hey.

<dissolvegirl> She could say Ana was short for something new every time.

<dissolvegirl> Outstanding.

<Ikselam> Sounds good.

<dissolvegirl> Anyway, yes. Her name is Ana, for all intents and purposes.

<Ikselam> So we have Ana, Oma(bwa), and Vaschir.

<Ikselam> Splash! Ana goes over the side!

<Ikselam> Boom! The angry squid-god's tentacles smash the ship!

<dissolvegirl> "Fuckers. Some day I'm SO becoming a ninja."

<Ikselam> Aieeee! Pirates go flying to their deaths!

<BigPat> I can't help but notice the angry sea deity is still closing on my ship, with that certain "devour! crush!" gleam in his eye

<Domino> Splurt! Vachir cuts off tentacles left and right!

<Domino> Swish! Ana wriggles!

<BigPat> Must...save...plunder!

<Ikselam> Sploosh! Vaschir sees treasure falling out of his ship's hold as water simultaneously rushes in!

<Domino> Wiz-owwwww! Ana and Vachir turn glowy!

<Ikselam> Oh no, there goes that precious orichalcum artifact he plundered from the stupid ship!

<BigPat> it's a good thing I can hold my breath for ten minutes, 'cause I'm going in!

<Ikselam> Crunch crunch! Kraken-god devours pirates.

<Domino> Rumble! Pirates give kraken-god heartburn!

<Ikselam> Tentacles bigger than the animatronic squid in 20000 Leagues flail through the water!

<BigPat> they're full of mongolian spiciness

<BigPat> wow, how amazingly well rendered!

<dissolvegirl> Roger has higher fps than most STs.

<Ikselam> Captain Vaschir swims through the water, which is becoming increasingly murky with blood and chum.

<Domino> This is why he's so poor: FX budget.

<Ikselam> I had a Mage game with an FX budget, once.

<Ikselam> $5 for glowsticks.

<BigPat> if only there was some way to decrease the animation budget!

• Ikselam folds hands in front of mouth.

<Domino> Well, if the animators die... wait that's been done.

<Ikselam> Will the shiny golden artifact sink and be lost in the murky depths forever!?

<dissolvegirl> Or at least until someone raises their stamina!?

<BigPat> all this chum is attracting a distressingly large number of sharks

<BigPat> I better make for land, or at least a large piece of what used to be my ship

<Ikselam> (Luckily it's stuck to a piece of wood, so it doesn't sink as fast as one would expect a hunk of dense metal to sink.)

<Ikselam> Meanwhile, bubbles flee toward the red-tinged light, far far above. Ana's ears pop as she plummets ever deeper!

<dissolvegirl> Oh no!

<dissolvegirl> She wriggles and strains, attempting to get out!

<Ikselam> Some ways away, Captain Vaschir's hand grabs the precious booty! The buoyant wood piece pops off and bobbles up toward the surface. He is now holding a 100 pound weight. Shit!

<BigPat> dammit!

<BigPat> Why must you put me in these moral dillemas!

<Ikselam> Ana's chains give out muffled clanks as she thrashes about, but do not give way!

<Ikselam> Anyway, what IS his artifact, anyway?

<Ikselam> A big ol' golden sword?

<BigPat> I was thinking some ornate, jewel encrusted astrolabe-thingy

<Ikselam> Pay attention to whichever of those "anyways" seems better to you.

<Ikselam> Okay, ornate astrolabe thingy it is!

<Ikselam> Said to be able to...

<Ikselam> ...guide the way to First Age ruins!

<BigPat> find some legendary lost treasure fleet

<BigPat> or that

<Ikselam> Or possibly lost treasure fleets!

<Ikselam> The limp-wristed Realm archaeologist wasn't sure!

<Ikselam> And he was too busy begging for his life (while simultaneously urging you to take Ana and the treasure chained to her) to go into specifics!

<Ikselam> But it tingles when you touch it.

<Ikselam> And the tingle feels like... money!!

<Domino> That's a heavy astrolabe!

<BigPat> exactly!

<BigPat> It's made of uranium, which is part of why it tingles as well

<Ikselam> Ana is by now, pretty sure that the darkness closing in on the edges of her vision isn't just from her increasing depth.

<dissolvegirl> She strains against the shackles with ALL OF HER HEROIC MORTAL STRENGTH!

<dissolvegirl> Both dots of it!

<Ikselam> Oh no, it takes a Strength + Athletics of 10 to break iron shackles!

<Ikselam> She's dooooooooooomed!

<dissolvegirl> Until...

<BigPat> if only she hadn't blown her starting character points on social skills!

<dissolvegirl> Pat: this is why it's an after-school special.

<Ikselam> With her last bit of breath, she sends an apropos comment bubbling up toward the surface!

<BigPat> hm, this air smells of pathos for some reason

<dissolvegirl> "*expletive deleted*"

<Ikselam> Darkness closes in!

<Ikselam> Then everything goes white!

<dissolvegirl> Ba na na!

<Ikselam> From where he is, struggling against the booty's weight, the captain sees a tremendous golden explosion light up the water!

<BigPat> as if my day wasn't bad enough already, someone's conducting nuclear testing in the area

<BigPat> goodbye remaining sperm count

<Ikselam> The kraken-god's writhing tentacles, clutching various bits and pieces of his ship, are silhouetted against it.

<Domino> You were never going to have kids anyway.

<Ikselam> The artifact is too heavy! It's pulling him down into the depths!

<BigPat> this was one of the two ways I always envisioned dying

<Ikselam> And wouldn't you just know it, his sleeve is caught on one of its baroque flanges.

<Ikselam> As his struggles intensify, the tingly feeling gets stronger!

<Ikselam> Suddenly the astrolabe weighs nothing at all!

<BigPat> yes!

<Ikselam> And the water around him is getting very bright.

<BigPat> take that, newtonian physics!

<Ikselam> He swims for the surface!

<Ikselam> He pops up above the ocean, filled with floating debris and limbs!

<Ikselam> (The ocean, not him)

<BigPat> well at least I'm intact and managed to hold onto this pricey-lookin' thing

<Ikselam> A tentacle the size of a good-sized date palm goes upside his head and he passes out.

• to JungleBook/Preplan2b/Prelude.