KitBox/ModernExaltGeneral
A parody of the famous song "Modern Major General" from The Pirates of Penzance.
Proceed without logic for greater hilarity.
I am the very model of a modern Exalt General,
I've information magical, animal, and mineral,
I know the Gods of Yu-Shan, and I quote the fights historical
From Primordial to Shogunate, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and alchemical,
About geomantic theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I'm very good at Sapphire and Adamantine sorcery;
I've got a very pretty set of orichalcum hosiery:
In short, in matters magical, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Exalt General.
I know our mythic history, Immaculate and actual;
I outwit all debators with an answer quasi-factual,
And even if I mess up and light up the castemark on my head
The Wyld Hunt that comes after me is guaranteed to be found dead!
I can tell with but a simple glance authentics from a forgery,
Then recreate originals with dominating mastery;
And when I try to whistle even partially musically,
The local artsy-music folk will generally worship me.
Then I can write a washing bill in Old Realm cally-igraphy,
And tell you ev'ry detail of your Realm-inflicted misery:
In short, in matters magical, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Exalt General.
In fact, when I know what is meant by "Autochthon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a grand daiklaive from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what the hell is up in Kirighast,
When I learn about the lack of progress made in modern government,
When I know more of politics than Siderial convenents,
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental sorcery,
You'll say a better Exalt General has never sat a gee.
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down with just a bit of ancient treachery;
But still, in matters magical, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Exalt General.
Commentary
Feel free to make changes to increase hilarity, or if through my lack of musical ability I somehow botched the timing, or whatever. - KitBox
