EndlessChase/HD3.29.04

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Diary Entry for 03.29.04

I used May's hand to cut my chest today. The circle is over my heart...and I'm not sure at all why I put it there, or why I even did it at all. All I know is that if May actually talks to Alaethis about it she'll find out exactly what I've gotten myself into.

The whole ordeal has really gotten my mind working about alot of things. The first is what the powers I have been granted actually do. I want to find out more about the nature of the essence with which we channel. This power is everywhere. I've felt it in Alaethis' abandoned citadel, in the demesne that Pathian had claimed, in the wyld, where everything changed frequently. It's even in the blood of the people and animals. I have tasted it each time a new form is added to my...collection. Zen knows some, but I think that Alaethis might be a better teacher.

Pain. Pain has changed entirely since my exaltation. It almost seems like since I've been able to heal injury in moments, pain does not matter. It is a temporary thing, and therefor it can be dismissed. Except for that slash on my side from Filial Wisdom. I am not sure what that was, but it did not heal with all the attempts made by Zenleigha or myself. It was good that it only took a couple days to heal properly. It's still scarred, and the scar itself is an odd white compared to the brown of my skin or the darker coloring of the several other scars that my flesh bears.

It's funny, really, when I think about it. Almost all of my scars are from wounds that had happened before Luna chose me. When my flesh mends itself it leaves no mark at all. Maybe I'm not actually healing when my body mends itself quickly. Maybe my power is simply trying to change my shape back to what it knows it is supposed to look like. That's got to be why those wounds do not scar. It also means I better not transform for a while if I wat the cut over my heart to leave a scar.

Even more things to think about.