DragonBloodedPresence/Alicrast
Dragon Blooded Presence Charms
After gaining some xp in using DB charms in the DB book and looking at the charms in the aspect books It has become apparent to me that the charms I was building were basically aspected solar charms, and It would seem that the DB charms are a little more sensible and harder to make. So I will leave this blank until I feel ready to make them.
Comments Please
It is confusing to have your higher-tier Charms on top and lower tier on the bottom. It's like reading backwards. Overall your writing is horrible and hard to understand. I have trouble just reading the Charms much less comprehending their effects. You're also writing as if you're reading out the Charm to someone. Don't do that. Write to be understood. Its fine if you can't come up with cool and inspiring descriptions and fluff for the Charms, but at least write them so they're clear and concise.
Chant of Valor: for 5 motes you get an autosuccess on Presence for the scene and your allies (all of them) get +1 acc, an auto success on Valor rolls and some kind of ill-defined 1 die fire bonus. Very unbalanced. First, the Charm should either effect you or your allies. If it affects both, it should give the same bonus to both. Not one bonus to you and another to your allies. Secondly it should have a limit on how many it can effect or how close they have to be. Everyone in Essence x2 yards or just Essence + Presence + Specialties in people. Something. Or one person per mote spent on the Charm in addition to a base cost. Not just "all allies". Thirdly you have to define what "+1 damage dice of fire damage" means. Does it mean +1 to their damage? Or 1L of fire damage is applied seperatly as if it were damage from DGW or the Fire Anima? Finally, the bonuses are too much. Accuracy, Damage and Valor all at once for so cheap? Narrow the effects or make the Charm more potent. Lots of prereqs, a high cost, Essence 4 base at least...something.
Slaying Mortals: Why can only mortals see the flare? Sure only they are affected but why can't anyone else see it? And why make a note it isnt compatable with Snake Form? Only rarely can DBs learn CMAs at all and they are very unlikely to ever learn an Anathema Style like Snake. If they do..what is this tiny tiny bonus going to unbalance?
Presence of Blaze: Your wording here is so horrible my eyes are protesting violently by attempting to leap from my skull and take control of the computer and move it to a less offensive webpage. Please stick to ONE subject form and don't swap between third person and second person every other sentence. If it's a Simple Charm. It already means you can't attack or dodge or parry. "Instant" is not a type. Simple is. As a whole, this Charm is so insanely incomprehensible that I only barely grasp what it does. If I understand correctly it applies Essence x2 unsoakable dice of lethal damage to anything inside Ess x5 yards once every turn and forces people to make a diff 1 valor roll to attack the user. That is, at most, a Presence 4, Essence 3 effect and should cost about 10 motes and a WP. I would say the Valor roll should be made to enter the range of the blaze at all, not just to attack. And difficulty could even be Essence/2 rounded up.
I tried to balance them some and make the effects more clear let me know how they turned out. Thx
It's rather amazing that you managed to remove more then half the words but not make anything more clear. Wow. I still can't hardly make heads or tails out of Presence of Blaze. Slaying Mortals needs a more specific effect. All combat dice pools or social dice pools or something. Not just all pools. And Chant of Valor still doesn't specify how the extra fire damage is handled.
So, basically, all my prior comments remain valid. Maybe third time's the charm. - Telgar
As a side note, I do want to say that it's still good that you're trying. No matter how negative someone on the boards may be, it's good to see that you've got ideas, and are willing to put them up. Don't want you to flee the wiki just because Telgar's showing off his mad critiquing prana. -- GreenLantern
back to: Alicrast
