Latest revision as of 03:44, 9 June 2010

Cubist, The City Picasso Built, and the Caloriemen

• Location: Southern Shore of the South Sea
• Population
  • Urban: 375,000
  • Surrounding Area (Farmland): 7 million
  • Caloriemen Tribal Lands: 100,000 divided among 7 tribes
• Ruler: His Grand and Most Glorious Excellency, Master of the Seven Tribes of the Caloriemen, He Who Eats Without Being Eaten, the Pie-Khan, Moglai III
• Status: Tributary of the Realm, Solipism Gang supplies the Satrap.

Cubist is what happens when Harem Age artists are allowed to design a city. It was the center of the Art Province, which was, in the last centuries of the Harem Age, entirely ruled by Artists as an experiment. The result was a city designed to look pretty and artistic, rather than to be practical in any way. A series of disasters wrecked parts of the city as the artists discovered that wafer-thin strands of crystal look pretty, yet won't necessarily hold a building up.

The non-Euclidean geometry of the city turned the Magical Girl coup against the local Bishonen to turn into a complete disaster for both parties; indeed, the Bishonen, Catgirls, and Magical Girls involved all simply vanished into the twisty bendy streets, never to be seen again, except sometimes in people's dreams.

During the Shogunate, the city was feared too much for resettlement, but after the Chaos Plague, much of the legends were forgotten, especially since the Chaos actually warped the city into somewhat more normal architectural styles, as it was already more chaotic than the Chaos itself.

Or so the legends say.

By 200 IY, it had become a flourishing trade port for the mines of the inland hills, and the produce of the local farmers. That's when the tradition of being conquered by desert nomads began.

Not by choice, mind you.

The Caloriemen are the sixth desert tribal confederation to conquer Cubist since 200 IY. Each follows a similar pattern: Life in the desert hardens them into great warriors. They conquer the city with ease. By the third or fourth generation, they become fat and lazy, addicted to karaoke, cosplay, manga, and their harem of blue-haired lolis. The Slug stops inviting them to parties, as they're too degenerate for him to stand. Then the next group of tribesmen boil out of the desert and kill them all, renewing the cycle of nature.

The Caloriemen are at the balance point of the cycle, where the ones who live in the hills and grassland are not yet fully corrupt, while the city-dwellers are increasingly alienated from their rural cousins and live high on the hog. The hog they force to wear fancy clothing, because it's just so funny to hang a silk purse from a sow's ear. This worries Moglai III, who has imperial ambitions, but fears soon his people will become too corrupt to follow them. Especially since the Solipism Gang tends to encourage this rising decadence.

The Caloriemen speak heavily in food metaphors; the locals are 'food', they are 'eaters', though to their superiors, they themselves are 'food'. Their motto is 'eat or be eaten'. Despite this, they are not literally cannibals, though some of the city folk are rumored to have begun to secretly indulge. They also crop their hair short and have no beards, but like fancy moustaches. The more warrior ones are expert horse-archers.

Many among them favor an alliance with Bedhead to partition the Wagnerian City States between them.

They are divided into seven tribes, each ruled by an (Food)-Khan. The Pie-Khan rules over all the tribes. His rule is absolute, until someone kills him. Then the tribes fight to see who succeeds, unless he managed to arrange his heir's position in advance, in which case, they only fight some.

Cubist itself is a huge tangled mess of a city, but parts of it contain still functional Harem Age luxuries, so people live in those areas even if it means having to crawl down a dumbwaiter and through someone's washing machine to get to work.

Gonna Be A Ghost Town is the most famous section of the city, home to many spirits and the ghosts of dead Harem age artists who helped to build the city. It is ruled over by the Fairy Godmother, who controls a mafia of Spirits, Ghosts, Demons, and Onis. She is an information broker, fence, and rumored ruler of the city's criminal underground. It is unclear what exactly she is, though most think she's either the Ghost of a Harem Age Exalted or possibly an Oni. Those who break oaths made to her usually turn up at the bottom of the harbor with cement shoes on. And not much else.