SJE/Session72
Session 72
Carry on Catering 2nd-3rd Ascending Air RY 769
World News: The V’Neef holdings & lands have been attacked and burned in the Blessed Isle and V’Neef herself, youngest child of the Empress is missing.
Back in Solaria Minor (now Major)
The Circle are at odds about how to handle the Dragonblooded army encamped on its doorstep. Once the initial celebrations have subsided and the army together with the Solarians set to work to do their best to cleanse the shadowland, the leaders on both sides meet for initial discussions.
The Dragonblooded propose that if the Circle leaves Solaria, stop the Mahdi from turning it into a religious recruitment centre and keep tribute flowing, then the Realm would leave a minimal garrison of 20 men who would keep the Realm flag flying and support a nominal Governor.
Unfortunately discussions are hard to carry on with the Mahdi giving a sermon on the field next door - “Ask not what the Unconquered Sun can do for you- Ask what you can do for the Unconquered Sun. Join the Army of the Righteous and give your life slaying His Enemies!” he proclaims to an ever growing crowd. ‘Hell yeah’ cheers the Captain from the wings, bored with the talking.
In an effort to prevent bloodshed, Alana goes to the crows and enters a head on debate with the Mahdi, promoting the ideas of peaceful devolution over violent revolution. Her efforts are slightly undermined by the Captain loudly cheering to the Mahdi’s vision of a blood dimmed tide sweeping from the South. The debate culminates with the Mahdi requesting a vision from the UCS. The prayer is born aloft by the combined worship of the Solarians but the answer that comes back is somewhat open-ended. Both Zeniths see a happy and propserous Solaria, covered in glorious cathedrals filled with devout looking Solarians offering up their prayers and the land streets filled with milk and honey. It seem the UCS is a goal orientated, outcome focused Incarna who has outsourced implementation to the Solars.
Both parties retire to consider how best to twist this vision into their plans meet this holy directive. The Circle pointedly sends the Captain off to ‘attend to training of the troops. Or something that’s not here’. He wanders back to his rooms to be greeted by the worried form of his wife.
Husband, where is the package that I gave you?
S’seth’s balls, he thought and with only a slight pause responded
My love, they seemed so precious I carried them into combat with me. Sadly that vile Deathlord destroyed them’ ‘What’ she shrieked ‘how could you? What will I do now? I am lost’ Burning Feather tearfully explained that these were the Apples of the Gods, and that she had made a deal with the god in charge of allocation to bump herself up the list of recipients by hising two from the party of the Maiden of Secrets. They would be returned and identified as surplus to be passed to the next worthy recipient – Burning Feather. They were to be a gift to you, that we could enjoy together. Now I will be censored and, if I am lucky, hammered into starmetal for eternity.
‘Hush now my sweet, said the Capt, ‘I’ll think of something. Go back to Yu-Shan – all will be well.’ He quickly went back to the others expecting them to readily agree to his plan to break into the Orchard and steal two apples. Once the others could speak again – although Alana’s rigid gaze and pursed lips indicated that silence might be a better option, their response was not so enthusiastic.“You know Captain, you could just tell your wife what happened” said Shizu. Laughing, the Capt clapped Shizu on the back “Oh you, always with the best jokes. But seriously…”
After some discussion, the Capt realised they might not help and said he would go to heaven himself to solve the problem. Realising this could be worse, the Circle agreed, with Alana willing to stay behind to sort out the Mahdi and Dragonblooded.
What we need hear is a Master Thief said Rav. Shizu wearily turned to hear the latest plan. “Maybe we can find Shizu’s mother?” Shizu gave Rav the evil eye.
The Capt beseeched Burning Feather for a portal to Heaven. Once there, the Circle set about their plans. First they learn about security of the orchards. It has wards around it to summon Celestial Lions if breached, while its environs are patrolled by wood elemental gardeners. The apples are counted daily. Punishment for entering unlawfully is to be eternally bound into rock or minor infractions, destruction of soul for severe cases.
The Captain suggested “We could frame the Mahdi for stealing the Apples and then testify against him. Then he’d go on the run, and we could drop hints about his location to the Censors.”
“So he’d be a renegade from Heaven then?” said Brand ”A renegade Zenith, roaming the badlands, framed for a crime he didn’t commit! Its too far fetched!” The Circle decides instead to go for the easier plan(!) of going to the Maiden of Secrets’ Party and try to filch two apples to give to Burning Feather.
As consort to Burning Feather the Captain is already invited, even though she, out of fear, will not attend. Shizu, Rav and Brand decide to buy favour with the god of Catering, Adamantine Chef and ask for job. Adamantine Chef realises that having Solars as commis chefs would be a great coup – perhaps one might even rise to the ranks of a station chef. However the initial cooking exam, nicknamed Malfean Kitchen by terrified aspirants, does not go well. Only Brand passes with his stock slightly better than dishwater, although his Grand Daiklaive cutting technique was impressive. Rav and Shizu dress as waiters and are sent out to serve the assembled pantheons.
The PartySJE/U></B> In the kitchen Brand is subjected to a tirade of abuse as Adamantine Chef hurls vegetables to him, forcing him to multi-attack with daiklaive, stunting them to fall into insulting kanji back at Adamantine Chef. ‘Let us see how you handle . . . . NOODLES!!’ shouts the enraged Chef, flinging thousands of razor tipped noodles at Brand’s head followed by a tub and then some boiling water.
Inside the party, Shizu and Rav delicately move between guests, Shizu especially is the perfect waiter – unobtrusive but always present. Rav earns a minor favour from a drunken godling for gently guiding their elbow away from knocking over the largest, most delicate ice statue in the party. Afterwards Rav gets a note from Kejak Chjop to meet out back afterwards on the QT.
The Capt, his hair and armour both buffed, circles making small talk. He is approached by the birthday girl who he complements on looking so well and asks how many years this is. “I could tell you my age,” she responded “but then I’d have to kill you.”“A lady’s prerogative” said the surprisingly suave Capt
“What have you brought me?” she demanded Flumoxed he stammered ”The only thing I can- a days service” <B>Somewhere in the Pleasure Palace the UCS' sun-sense twitched.</B>
“Oh this is perfect. The Unconquered Sun is so jealous of his Chosen serving others. I must mention it next time we play, that one of his Exalts is doing my bidding for a day!” She moves onto the other guests.
The Party progresses well, with the Maiden of Serenity making some moves on the Capt who enthusiastically flirts back. Seeing his opportunity once the party really gets going he starts the <B>Conga-Line Of Doom</B> and then encourages a second one to start. Soon both lines are stretching around the room as gods, godlings, elementals and Sidereals all dance in time. Then at the perfect moment the Capt gooses the Maiden of Secrets.
She jumps in the air, colliding with the other conga line, as her line twists. Both start to break up and who can say which deity or indeed Solar knocked over the centre table, bearing the Apples which scatter across the floor. In the furore, Shizu steps up and hides two under her blouse, then turning artfully spins them to Rav who catches them in his heartstone settings, covers them with a dishcloth and moves to leave the Party, his absence unnoticed in the uproar over which can be heard the scream of the Maiden of Secrets.
“You imbecile, you clod, you waste of exaltation’ she screamed at the Capt while her Maiden of Serenity imperiously rubs her backside and gazes hatefully at the Capt.
Despite the Capt’s loud protestations of innocence ‘We will never know who really knocked over the table’ , the two Maiden’s curse him to never know love again and to never be able to keep a secret.
Outside an anxious Burning Feather hears the uproar and realises that things indeed could get worse.
Meanwhile back in Solaria, the Mahdi is recruiting yet more volunteers for Army of the Righteous. Alana, desperate by this time, manages to convince him not to attack the Realm just yet, but to take them Army south to finish excavating the ancient Lost City of Cinnabar and look out for the Fae invasions, warning the initial attack was only a probe.
”Yes,” he said, “the journey into the desert will be a crucible to forge my Jahadeem into an unstoppable force. And at the city, with its ancient altars and ziggurats, we will learn the old ways to worship the Unconquered Sun that I have seen in my visions. So old, I believe it may pre-date the First Age”.
Alana gets a very bad feeling about this that becomes a migraine when she learns that Anaria will be accompanying the Mahdi.
Return to SJE
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