SJE/Session46
Exalted Session 46
Session 46 - Snakes In A Fane
9 Ascending Air
After leaving the Immaculate Temple, the Captain persuades Brand and Orchid to come with him to check out the 'mime house'. They find that it is deserted. Brand takes a good look around for evidence. It looks like plenty of people had been here, perhaps having some kind of meetings. Judging by the small clues they've left behind - loose hairs, scraps of cloth caught on nails and the like - it looks like a comprehensive cross-section of Gem society.
Something doesn't quite add up. Brand finds no sign of face paint, stripy shirts or white gloves, no invisible boxes. He does notice that the walls of the house have been crudely soundproofed. But why would mimes need soundproofing? Orchid breaks open her geomancy kit and surveys the local essence flows. No unexpected disturbances here. How mysterious...
10 Ascending Air
In the morning, the circle assembles at the Granite Watchtower. Ravitsu is back now, having spent the last day or so scouting around outside Gem just in case any invading armies were lurking in the vicinity. The first thing he needs to do is get up to date on what's been happening in his absence. He is, as usual, exasperated - "Oh, for crying out loud! - when the Captain explains about the revenge of Ssseth. Captain Ibrahim fills in the details, well, apart from the bit where he claimed to be a mime. He concludes: "And now we have to rescue the sacrifical maiden from the Temple of Ssseth."
Orchid wonders why, and the Captain is eager to illuminate her: "We're heroes, aren't we?"
Brand sounds a note of caution: "She's probably signed a contract, she might be in trouble if we rescue her."
"But we have to!" The Captain insists. "She's our link to the Great Mime Conspiracy!"
Ravitsu feels a familiar sense of foreboding creeping over him. "The 'Great Mime Conspiracy'?"
Captain Ibrahim beams and ushers Ravitsu over to his prize exhibit. "Here you are, it's all in the map!"
"The... map." Ravitsu weakly eyes the over-complicated diagram.
"Don't forget to tell him about the Palace, Captain." Orchid sweetly reminds him.
"Yes!" The light of obsession shines in the Captain's eyes. "If you look at the arrangement of the Solars in 'The Fall of the First Age', it's all there-"
Ravitsu sighs in despair while Orchid tries to herd the Captain back onto the subject of Ssseth. "So," she asks. "This maiden. What's her name?"
"Erm... Ah..." Captain Ibrahim is stumped. "I could pick out her distinguishing characteristics." Orchid raises an eyebrow as the Captain continues. "She's about this tall," He holds out his hand. "Dark hair, green eyes, two great big asps..."
"Rather than steal her," Brand suggests. "We could get a warrant to question her for 24 hours. They could have her back and sacrifice her all they want after you-"
Orchid interrupts: "Pump her for information?"
"Great idea!" The Captain settles down to prepare a warrant while the circle discusses other pressing issues.
Ravitsu wonders how to go about getting an appointment to talk to Chejop Kejak in Yu-Shan. Brand recalls that he was invited to give a presentation to some sub-committee of the Celestial Bureacracy on combatting threats to Gem. Perhaps this would provide a way in, though he'll need some time to prepare. Orchid hits on an alternative: ""Well, one of us does have a wife in heaven."
All eyes turn to the Captain, still busily scribbling away at his warrant. He looks up: "You mean the divorce hasn't come through yet?"
"I've been busy," Orchid airily fails to apologise. "I haven't had time to finish the paperwork."
"I suppose I could commune with the missus," The Captain suggests. "After I've finished rescuing that maiden. I'll fancy a good booze-up."
Brand voices a warning. "Wouldn't that be adultery?"
"My wife's a broad-minded woman." The Captain poo-poos him. "Besides, I wasn't planning to rescue the girl from her virginity. Mind you..." He strokes his chin, suddenly intrigued by the possibility, and returns to working on his warrant.
Orchid sends a brief Infallible Messenger to Chejop Kejak, giving him further details on the defeat of the Autochthonians and requesting a meeting to discuss further threats to Gem, whether they be from returning Autochthonians or from new sources. After this, she suggests that she wants to head into the north. Ravitsu isn't so sure about this: "After we've dealt with the Fair Folk, we'll have time for your holiday."
"It's not a holiday as such," Orchid explains. "When the Unconquered Sun Exalted me, he laid a duty upon me to save Northholm."
Ravitsu is becoming rather exasperated. "Well, you could have mentioned it earlier... Where exactly is this Northholm, anyway?"
"It's..." Orchid waves a hand vaguely. "somewhere in the north. I'll know it when we get there."
The conversation turns to the "Deathlord" in Solaria. Orchid is of the opinion that "It seems less urgent than the other issues. At least she doesn't seem to be turning Solaria into a mass grave."
"Maybe," Brand wonders. "She's waiting for the stars to be right."
Orchid sighs. "It's a shame. My astrologer could have looked into that. It's a pity I sent him off to check out Northholm."
Ravitsu & Brand exclaim as one: "WHY?!"
"His horoscopes were becoming tedious - nothing but seals, giants and ice floes."
By now, the Captain has finished his search warrant. Brand insists on looking it over before the circle goes to the Temple of Ssseth. His jaw drops. ""I'm lost for words. One of 'em's warrant. I'm looking, but I'm not seeing one here." The so-called warrant is actually nothing more than a crude comic strip, showing stick figure versions of the Watch arriving to take the sacrificial maiden away. And lots of snakes...
"We didn't need them in my day!" The Captain waves away Brand's objections. "There was none of this 'justice' nonsense... Can you do better?"
"You haven't even drawn any grounds for search and seizure!" Brand is truly appalled.
"The high priest is a suspected mime! What more do you need?"
"Are you still cursed by Ssseth?" Ravitsu asks.
"Yes!" The Captain exclaims. "We could get him for misusing his powers."
"You want to arrest the god of vengeance," Orchid checks. "For using his powers for revenge?"
"Ah, but was it vengeance? I was just trying to trap him into admitting his part in the mime conspiracy."
"Did you directly accuse him?" Ravitsu asks. "I mean, look how you blew your top when someone accused YOU of being a mime."
"Mine was an entirely reasonable response to provocation. His curse is clearly an over-reaction. All I did was let him think I was a mime."
"Right." Ravitsu should have known... "Suddenly it's a bit more understandable."
At Ravitsu's request, Orchid gives the Captain a quick astrological once-over for curses. The results are inconclusive. It seems clear that there is some outside influence upon him, but its exact nature is difficult to discern. It could come from any or all of Ssseth, Amoth City-Smiter, Burning Feather...
Brand finishes rewriting a more convincing search warrant for the Temple of Ssseth and the seizure of any sacrificial maidens required as evidence for the Watch's investigations. In no time, the circle is checking today's order of service at the Temple. Tonight's sermon will be on 'The Corruption of the Watch'. It will be followed by a midnight sacrifice, Righteous Serpent officiating. Welcoming Blossom has been chosen for the final, terminal stage of her career path as one of Ssseth's Ophidian virgins.
As the circle peruses the notice, it becomes apparent that an ugly - even for Gem - crowd is gathering in the Street of Small Gods. There are shouts of "Get the mimes!" as the growing crowd begins to pepper the Captain with eggs and stones. Brand draws him to one side: "Did you actually tell the high priest you were a mime?"
"Yeah." The Captain eyes the crowd. "I think he fell for it."
The crowd is growing larger and uglier by the moment, and the stones are now coming thick and fast. Orchid sees a way to end this without bloodshed. She turns to the Captain and cautions him: "Ibrahim Al-Amara, I arrest you on suspicion of involvement in organised mime! You do not have to say anything, but any silence will be noted and may be given in evidence." The crowd cheers and jeers - "Chuck 'im down the stairs!" - as she spins him around and, borrowing Brand's handcuffs, takes the Captain into custody and hustles him back to the Granite Watchtower.
There follows much discussion of how best to get the Captain out of this fix, ranging from simple disguise to - if more mimes can be rounded up as scapegoats - portraying the Captain as a supergrass or daring undercover investigator. For now, he is installed in 'protective custody' in one of the more comfortable cells, while Brand, Orchid and Ravitsu return to the Temple of Ssseth.
The temple guards - tall, bronzed bare-chested warriors with hissing cobras twined around their arms - are unimpressed by the search warrant. They insist that Welcoming Blossom is unavailable. She is, it seems, busy communing with her god. Ravitsu thinks of a new angle he can try: "We need her to prove the case against the Captain."
The guard is unmoved: "Couldn't you just throw him down the stairs a few times?"
"We tried, but he's too hard-headed."
"You'll just have to come back in the morning, then."
"Well," Ravitsu objects. "That won't do us much good, will it? She's hardly going to talk to us then!"
"You'd be surprised. She's sure to be rescued. Traditional, innit? It'll be one of them barbarian heroes from the frozen north, most likely. Happens all the time..."
Orchid has a moment of inspiration. "I suppose you're ready for them? Lots of extra booby traps and so on?"
"Oh, yes. Extra grease on the columns, the spikes on the rooftop specially sharpened up. We've stocked the snake pits with even more cobras than usual..."
Orchid grins wickedly: "I don't suppose you have a pamphlet we could take home?"
Orchid hustles the Captain and Ravitsu off to House Sahlak, where she raids the dressing-up box and recruits the help of the make-up artists. With Ravitsu acting as a model of what a barbarian should look like - as opposed to the rather over-romanticised and perfectly-groomed version that Orchid imagines - they get the Captain kitted out with a loincloth, unfeasibly large axe, furry boots and a mammoth fur cloak. With the addition of painted-on tattoos, a liberal application of oil, dyed blond hair and - the finishing touch - some practice at the correct 'barbarian' accent, Orchid has created a barbarian hero all of her own and disguised the Captain into the bargain. If nothing else, she's enjoyed sitting down in a comfy chair with a cold drink while two muscular men pose in loincloths and flex their muscles for her...
Meanwhile, Brand is doing some investigation of his own about this Great Mime Conspiracy that has been obsessing the Captain. He doesn't actually find anything to do with mimes, but there's clearly something mysterious going on. What could it be? Paragonese spies? Autochthonian inflitrators? Cultists? An Imperial Inquisition? A Fair Folk vanguard? Abyssals at play? Underground Yasal crystal duellists?
In the evening, Brand, Orchid and Ravitsu go the temple. Talking their way in past the guards is no problem - they're particularly impressed when Ravitsu demonstrates his own forked tongue and sibilant hiss. Outside, the Captain is scaling the temple wall. He almost loses his grip a couple of time - perhaps Orchid got a bit carried away with the oil - but soon he stands atop the main tower - the Fane of Ssseth. Making his way to a skylight, he is shocked to discover he is not alone... Another musclebound fur-clad figure is standing over a skylight in the roof, just about to let down a rope. "Vot are you doink here?" It demands.
"What are - I mean," The Captain corrects himself. "Vot are YOU doink here?"
"Dis is Toosday? Ve haf been double-booked?"
"Damn! You could be my sidekick..." He offers.
"Kronan is sidekick to no man!"
"Let's split it - you kill the priest, I'll get the girl."
"I alvays get der girl!"
"I'll get you another one. No, two!"
"No. Der finest ting in life is der girl you seize for yourself."
There is an awkward silence. Somehow, it doesn't seem right to be fighting other barbarians at the temple of a snake god, but neither of them is prepared to back down. The sound of Righteous Serpent denouncing the Captain from the pulpit drifts up through the skylight. And Kronan realises that the Captain's accent has been slipping.
"Vere are you from?" He demands.
"Erm, the frozen wastes of Cinnamon!"
"Do you know my cousin, Hans?"
"Big Hans or Little Hans?"
"No, Hans der Masseur. You are a fake!"
The Captain's mind races. "Let's settle this the old way - scissors, paper, stone!"
Kronan's brow wrinkles with the unexpected effort of tactical thought. While he's distracted thinking of which to pick, the Captain punches him in the face and shoves him off the tower. With a rapidly-fading "I'll be back..." Kronan disappears from sight.
Inside the temple, Righteous Priest is talking up a storm. It's a good sermon, with the priest frothing at the mouth in all the right places and even speaking in tongues from time to time. But Welcoming Blossom - suspended above the snake pit before the altar - is stealing the show. She's a real trouper, wriggling and shrieking at all the right moments, and she's got a great set of lungs on her. The congregation is loving it. Their enthusiasm goes through the roof when the Captain plunges down the inside of the tower on Kronan's rope, bouncing to a halt mere inches above the snake pit!
Righteous Serpent screams with vengeful fury: "The sacrifice is defiled! Death to the infidel!" This whips the crowd into a greater frenzy as the Captain swings back up on his rope to wrap his free arm around Welcoming Blossom. He loses all momentum, though, when he realises that he has picked up a passenger from the snake pit - a deadly viper has become entangled in his loincloth. A few moments of crotch-shaking frenzy disldoge it and restore the Captain's composure. He even finds a second to quip: "You can suck the poison out of that later."
He is, though, left dangling at the end of the two ropes, going nowhere. Orchid, blending in with the howling mob, screams: "Somebody stop him!" And hurls a war-fan 'at the barbarian' and 'accidentally' severs the rope holding Welcoming Blossom. With the tension in the ropes released, the Captain and Welcoming Blossom swing across the temple, just above the snake pit.
Brand and Ravitsu, meanwhile, have been distracting the guards with a lengthy discussion of the odds on this 'barbarian' pulling off the rescue. Brand takes advantage of the Captain's difficulties with the rope to get some pretty good odds on him.
As the Captain swings against the side wall of the Fane, Ssseth manifests himself as a colossal constrictor. He slithers around the outside wall of his Fane in pursuit of the Captain, who runs around the wall in a climbing spiral, winding the rope about himself as he does. At the rim of the skylight itself, Ssseth sinks his fangs into the Captain's leg, Ignoring the pain, Captain Ibrahim hurls himself out and over the side, spinning like a top as the rope uncoils, bringing him to a dizzy and dramatic halt just above the street outside. Ssseth hisses from the rooftop in impotent rage!
The crowd goes berserk! They'd been getting a good show just with the sacrifice, but this was fantastic! Orchid and Ravitsu slip away in the confusion, dashing outside to help the Captain. They find him slumped in the street, being smothered by kisses from Welcoming Blossom. Her first sacrifice has been more spectacular than she could ever have hoped. The Captain gathers his wits, telling Ravitsu: "You just lift me, I'll carry her." Ravitsu shifts into hawk-man form and flaps away with the Captain and Welcoming Blossom while Orchid readies herself to fend a pursuit that never actually appears...
Inside, Brand is chatting to the guards. "So, aren't you gonna chase him then?"
"Nah, it's not sporting, not when he's made it out with the girl."
Brand shrugs and collects his winnings, casually inquiring what exactly happens to people who've been bitten by Ssseth.
"It's brilliant! The wound turns black and swells up," one guard tells him, with ghoulish delight. "Until hundreds of little snakes burst out and bite you to death!"
Brand joins Orchid outside and they hurry down to the Granite Watchtower.
There, Brand and Ravitsu do their best to patch the Captain's injury up and get the poison under control while Orchid invokes whatever occult protections she can muster against Ssseth's curse. Their efforts aren't made any easier by Welcoming Blossom, who clings tenaciously to 'her' hero and won't let go.
Seeing the deadly progress of the poison, Brand is moved to pray to Burning Feather. "After all," he reasons. "Poison is sort of an intoxicant." He composes his thoughts and whispers: "Dear Burning Feather, White Lady of Intoxicants, your husband is struck down by the poison of Ssseth. I pray for your intervention... well, so you can at least take out suitable life insurance or settle a separation before he goes. I would hate for you to be bereft and a widow."
The Captain pulls through - though it is uncertain whether Brand's prayer has drawn Burning Feather's attention - and goes off to recover, with Welcoming Blossom clinging limpet-like to him. She vows that she will look after her barbarian hero until he is all better...
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