Difference between revisions of "ScrollAndSwordCircle/ImmaculateFangAndMouth"

Latest revision as of 01:19, 9 June 2010

In Yu-Shan

The gate deposits most of the Circle on the northern edge of Yu-Shan, where one of the gods of the Bureau of Seasons is sculpting a palace of windblown snow. As they watch, snowdrifts harden into spiralling minarets, and several fire elementals flit about carving windows and rooms in them with the heat of their gaze. Meanwhile, Malic does a bit of herb gathering and omen-tending between his bouts of flirting with the pretty apprentices. It takes "Moulting Grouse" a good long time to return to the village and catch up with his friends in Yu-Shan. Osprey pulls his cloak around him for warmth. His hair, now unbound from its previous braid, tosses in the wind.

Arkadi mutters, "Show-off..."

Gia pulls her cloak a little tighter around her frame and turns to Osprey with a whisper. "Watch out for Celestial Lions, hm?" A short walk brings them to a quicksilver canal. Soon a dragon boat has pulled itself to shore. Osprey steps aboard, after leaving instructions with one of the gate guardians, that it should tell Malic where they have gone when he arrives..

"I miss towns I can walk around in over the course of one day," Arkadi complains.

Gia turns back to Arkadi as she steps into the boat. "There's something to be said for sprawling cities, I think."

"Yeah, they cram more rampant idiocy in them." Arkadi climbs aboard.

Osprey sits back in one of the dragon boat's luxurious seats, some measure of tension leaving him.

"It's good to be home." Gia glances out at the exotic scenery flying by. "As strange as it may be."

Arkadi finds himself nervously flitting a coin between his fingers, while the boat's pilot inanely recites an epic poem of its own immortal exploits as the city passes, providing a monotonous, but not altogether unpleasing, souce of background noise. The pilot looks studiously disinterested in his cargo of Chosen. Silly humans, playing at being gods.

Osprey opens his eyes. "It was... pleasing... to be back in the land of my youth, but it is good to be free of the cloud of portents which loomed above us. If only for a time." He watches the blurred scenery in silence for a while.

At Gia's Manse...

Gia happily scoops up Whisper, who reacts with calculated disinterest. "Make yourselves at home." Arkadi makes his way straight to the liquor cabinet. Osprey hangs up his cloak. He sets his staff aside, but carries his daiklave, in its warded scabbard, with him to the living room. The Manse's bookish inhabitants seem to meander out of the path of the Chosen. They are in no mood to be dealing with the weapons of the Maidens. Osprey props his sword against a wall, and settles down on a couch. Meanwhile, Arkadi pours himself something that looks semi-decent and seats himself with the others

Malic arrives an hour or two after everyone else, happy and smiling in his blue vest and bronze trousers, his prefered clothes made of fine silk, and his favorite broad-brimmed hat. His hulking Familiar trundles along behind him, carrying a sheaf of metallic paper in its hand.

Osprey raises his teacup in acknowledgment. "Welcome, brother Malic."

Once Malic gets there, Gia closes all of the soundproof doors-- she trusts her servants, but believes that they should not be exposed to more information than they need. "It seems our mission is more dangerous than we originally thought."

"Thanks." Plopping himself down on a well-padded armchair, draping his legs over one side and leaning back.

Osprey nods. "Has Forge uncovered any information which would be of use to us?"

"Forge, why don't you tell us what you found?" He glances at the Rhino-God.

"More dangerous...what a shocking revelation," Arkadi comments. Osprey gives Arkadi a cool glance, but says nothing.

Forge snuffles. "Well, it seems like...(he makes a noise somewhere between a choked laugh and a yelp of fear)...a rogue celestial lion...(the noise again)...ate your companions. He didn't mean to."

Osprey leans forward in his seat, and Gia sighs heavily.

"He didn't mean to eat them," Malic repeats. "What? Were they disguised as a side of beef?"

"A rogue?"

"Well, that's what we say...he's one of the best retainers of the censor Scarlet Shatterings of Misdemeanour, actually."

"That is unusual," muses Osprey. "The nature of a celestial lion is to be disciplined and loyal. What could have caused one to run amok, especially here in the Celestial City?"

"Anyway, Immaculate Mouth and Fangs is being detained, pending an investigation of the proceedings."

"I'm still not clear on this. He accidentally devoured two Sidereal Exalted? Isn't that difficult?"

"Don't tell anyone I told you, but word on the canal has it that they put him up to it."

"They asked him to eat them?" Malic was still incredulous.

"Said it was impossible for innocents to actually be -digested- by an incorruptible being."

"I'm still foggy on how he accidentally ate them...did he yawn and they happened to walk into his mouth?" Malic shakes his head. "Well, we'll find out when he craps them out."

"And there's no such thing as an innocent. Everyone's guilty of SOMETHING."

"Don't worry too hard about it, Arkadi. I'm sure you're not palatable enough to be in danger." Gia drums her fingers on the sofa arm. Malic idly chews on a finger, to see how he tastes.

"Worried? No. Puzzled, yes."

"I think we should talk,"Malic suggests, "with Immaculate Mouth and Fangs. Does anyone have connections to the Bureau of Enforcement?"

"There might have been celestial wine involved as well. Even the incorriptibles have their parties." The rhino looks a little uncomfortable.

"Or maybe the God of Digestion has some insights. By Mela's tits, this is ridiculous!"

"That fucking wine again..." Arkadi scowls

Gia calls forth her spider, rolling her eyes. "Hey, does Scarlet Shatterings of Misdimeanour have any direct connections to the known practitioners of Underworld Astrology? If so, please list them for us." The spider promptly gives a negative response.

Osprey grimaces. "You speak the truth, brother Malic. This incident's troubling import is rivaled only by its sheer..." he is momentarily at a loss for words. "Bizarreness."

Malic yawns, then snaps his mouth shut. "Oops. I might end up accidentally eating someone if I yawn like that.." Gia supresses a giggle at Malic's comment.

"Ludicrousness is a better word." Arkadi joins in the communal scowl. Osprey shrugs.

"Well. Disregarding the...whatever..of this situation, we should still talk to the accidental eater."

Forge polishes his hoves on the carpet.

"I'm okay with the Fangs, but I'd prefer keeping a safe distance from the Immaculate Mouth," mutters Gia.

"We wouldn't want him to accidentally eat us."

"Oh for Mela's sake...I'll talk to him." Arkadi looks annoyed.

Osprey nods. "The information we currently have is too ridiculous to credit. There must be something more to this..." It's pretty clear that he badly wants there to be some rational explanation for this incredibly outlandish event.

"Forge, can you go arrange a meeting with him? They should let us speak with him, we're the..eatees' circle."

"Just no referring to us as dessert."

"No, we're more of an hors d'oeuvre." Gia looks surprised that Arkadi picks up on her joke.

Forge nods. "I've anticipated your request and arranged just such a meeting."

"You're such an efficient magical rhino god. When's the meeting?"

Arkadi asks, "And should we bring steak sauce?" Malic snickers. Osprey sighs.

"Lighten up, Osprey. We won't let him eat you. Accidentally or otherwise."

"Speak for yourself...I think he'd go great in a nice red wine marinade."

"Osprey? He's stringy and tough. And he's got that sourness."

"That's what the marinade is for."

"I guess. I could go for some Gia Flambé though."

Gia interrupts Malic and Arkadi's banter. "He is right to approach this with a serious demeanor. It's obvious we're being lied to." Osprey looks thankfully to Gia.

"A serious demeanor?"

Gia scowls at Malic. "Well, of course. You're just bitter. Our Chosen are being prevented from Exalting, and being accidentally eaten. I think this is a matter that requires you to be serious."

Malic rights himself on the chair and looks at Gia, quite seriously. "Serious demeanor? By Hesiesh's flaming balls! The Lion claims to have *accidentally ingested* two Sidereal Exalted! ARMED sidereals!"

"The whole matter stinks to high heaven, but you've got to admit, as far as crimes go...this one is pretty ludicrous-sounding...but I thought *I* was the bitter one?" Arkadi looks a little disappointed about losing his title.

"Don't insult my intelligence. Of course we're being lied to. But unless you want to flat-out accuse the Lion of lying-- which is the same as sending out a request to be eaten and cutting out the middleman-- we have to pretend to believe." Gia smiles at Arkadi. "Well, you did say they're no good with cover-ups."

Forge finally cuts in to say, "The meeting will be in twenty hours."

"Good, enough time to grab a bath and a shave," Arkadi thinks, "and a nap. Besides, I've investigated more bizarre stuff."

Osprey looks to Malic. "I trust that young Phion was in good hands when you left?"

"Of course he was. I checked twice, once before harvesting and once after."

The Lion

Immaculate Mouth and Fangs is being "detained" in an attractive gazebo in one of the gardens of the Bureau of Enforcement. He looks quite comfortable, if confused.

"Goddamn, even the jail cells here are bloody hot tubs here."

"My, but don't you look.. full." Gia chuckles.

"...subtle as a kick to the nuts, aren't you?"

"The ways of those Chosen by the Maiden of Secrets are often beyond the ken of men like us... " Osprey murmurs sotto voce, not looking at either Gia or Arkadi. Gia pretends not to hear Osprey's remark.

Malic attempts not to snicker. With a strange noise and a fist in his own stomach, he masters his laughter and approaches the Celestial Lion. "Immaculate Mouth and Fangs, we need to ask you some questions about the..accidental ingestion of our Circlemates." The lion rolls over and looks up.

"You are the current Scroll and Sword Circle, then?"

"Yes. I am Malic, Coefficient of Rejoinders."

"I'm just a provisional member so far...seems they haven't warmed up to my sparklign personality yet."

"I regret to say that I am not entirely pleased to be meeting you. I'm Immaculate Mouth and Fangs, of course."

Malic nods. "Yes, of course. Can you explain what happened?"

"I will try, yes. No doubt you've heard all manner of ridiculous runor." Osprey stands to one side, the lower half of his face hidden behind his cloak's high collar, his hair falling loose. Indigo eyes glower darkly at the golden spirit.

"We have heard that you accidentally..ate our companions. I'm curious how, if the rumours are true, you managed that."

He arranges himself into a more statuesque pose before continuing. "The situation was this. The Court of Seasons holds festivals, as you know."

"Oh yeah...big, big parties...get a lot of #174 calls as a result of them." The lion nods to Arkadi. Apparently he's familiar with that code.

"Yes, of course."

"I was attenting a rehearsal for one of these, in the security capacity."

"So I'm sitting at my post, minding my square, when I come upon two miscreants."

"Our friends, I imagine."

Gia subtly quirks a brow at the thought of Aria and Doran seeming like miscreants.

"I suppose so. They were doing something...quite beyond the bounds of festival behavior. Or it appeared so at the time. It seemed to involve some bats."

"And by 'quite beyond' you mean?"

"Why didn't you just eat the bats?" Gia looks puzzled.

Malic blinks. "You're saying they were having sex with bats?"

"They're BATS...would YOU want to eat a flying leathery thing?" Arkadi blanches. Osprey remains stony-faced.

"Sure. Bats taste great, roasted and spiced..some good marinade.." replies Malic, ever the epicure.

"I can't honestly repeat the details of the proceedings. I was a little blurry-headed from the fine refreshments that our elemental friends were serving, and my nature prevents me from..."

"Then can you HINT at it?"

"The bats weren't very happy about it."

"We can ask someone else for the details as to what they were doing, Immaculate Fang and Mouth. Can you continue with your story?"

"At any rate, they were trespassing on a Manse that was off-limits to festival participants. So I undertook to remove them, which is to say I asked them to take their...activity...elsewhere."

Arkadi coughs. "I...see." He looks at Gia- "...what kind of sickos WERE your friends?"

"Silence," she whispers to Arkadi. "He looks hungry."

"I never liked em," Malic grunts.

"This wasn't exactly met with a positive response. In retrospect, I think they may not have been fully in posession of their faculties. You know how the Chosen of Endings react to celestial wine. It's so embarrassing. So, I decided to remove them by force, which is to say I picked them up in my mouth and was taking them to the nearest exit..."

Malic and Gia interrupt at once -"And then?" "And you hiccuped?"

"...when someone tripped me." He hangs his head.

"Or did they jump down your throat?"

"Good god..." Arkadi moans, "It's official. This is the single most bizarre investigation I've ever taken part in."

Osprey makes a harsh noise in his throat. "This is useless."

"Well. You ate them. Can you clear something up? There's a rumor that they *wanted* you to eat them, something about the innocent being indigestable to you. So you'll, um, let us know if they..emerge?" Malic tries, very, very hard, not to fall over laughing. Osprey shakes his head in disgust. Gia shoots Malic a reproachful look.

"If what he says is true, they're not that innocent." Arkadi gives a dark look to nothing in particular.

The lion observes Malic with amusement. "I will be sure to keep your Circle informed, master Malic." Malic twitches and has to excuse himself to the back of the group, where he can be seen bent over, shuddering in silent laughter.

Gia sighs. "I don't suppose you know who tripped you."

The lion considers. "I do not, but I do know there are certain beings it couldn't be."

"Please enlighten us." While Gia interrogates, Malic recovers himself and returns, face still red.

"The very small ones, of course, and those performing at prescribed locations." Arkadi nods. "I believe that the Underbrueau of Choreography keeps records of the movements of most exultants."

"That leaves what? Half the population of the district?"

"You should be able to follow my path there and determine why I tripped." The lion still has difficulty saying this without sounding ashamed.

Arkadi nods. "Hey, don't worry...stuff like this happens to us ALL."

"Thank you, Immaculate Fang and Mouth. I think that's all."

With what looks a titanic effort, Osprey regains enough civility to bow to the leonine spirit and politely thank it for its assistance. He turns on his heel and stalks off. Gia smiles slightly at the Lion in thanks and hurries after Osprey.

"Glad to be of service."

Malic waits for the rest of his Circle to head off. Opens his mouth. Starts to ask a question. Arkadi warns, "Malic, close mouth, engage brain before it's too late."

Gia can hear Osprey muttering imprecations under his breath. "What kind of guardian is drunk at the function he's meant to guard? What kind of celestial lion ingests two people as the result of a pratfall?"

"Did...right. Yeah..good day, Immaculate Fang and Mouth." trots off, trying not to laugh.

Arkadi nods to the lion, "Thanks for your time..." and hustles off after the others.

"Nothing in Yu-Shan functions the way it's supposed to, Osprey. Someday we'll have the power to change that. We just have to hang in there until that day comes." Osprey fumes. Onlookers might almost fancy they see a visible colum of steam rising from the dark tribesman's head.

Malic stumbles up to Osprey and Gia, using Osprey's shoulder to help hold himself up. "That...was...a unique..experiance."

"Indeed." Osprey's words are cold enough to freeze alcohol. "It was the most screwed-up interrogation I've ever been privy to."

When they have progressed far enough into the hedge maze that the gazebo is out of sight, Osprey halts and runs a hand through his long hair, trying to regain his composure.

"I'll send my spider to find out what made the Lion trip." She glances over at her infuriated friend. "Right now we have to remember that there is a Sidereal-to-be that desperately needs our help. Our first duty is to him right now.. Perhaps we should head back?" she suggests, hoping the change of scenery will soothe Osprey.

Malic muses. "So. He had em in his mouth because they refused to take their bat-raping sex elsewhere, was tripped, and swallowed them. What happened to the bats?" He dissolves into laughter again. Osprey rubs his temples.

Arkadi sighs. "Look, I can do some digging, start quizzing some of the deities who were present."

"Good..yeah..do that."

"And I'm not about to start ripping into a fellow cop on the first conversation. For all we know, he *is* telling the truth."

"He *accidentally* *ate* two people! He deserves some mocking."

"Mocking yes, I'm referring to going 'bad cop' on him...that'll get us NOWHERE."

Osprey sighs. "He is a celestial lion, incapable of speaking words he believes to be false. I have no doubt he actually did trip... and that he actually was inebriated. For all we know, the bats were figments of his wine-addled imagination."

"...I dunno about you, but no matter how drunk I've gotten, I've never hallucinated."

"Sister Gia, has your spider been able to uncover the...choreography error... which led to this... this..."

"Incident?"

"I was thinking 'farce.' A petty god working as a busboy. From the slums. You know the type."

"Intimately..." replies Arkadi, "THIS is something I'm qualified to deal with."

"Let's get a Dragon Boat then, and go find her. Or him. Which is it?"

"Or it..."

ScrollAndSwordCircle/DjedetTalks