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Session 75

A Day at the Races.

10th-12th Ascending Water RY769

Being a concise account of events that occurred upon the tenth to the twelfth days of the month of Ascending Water, by our roving correspondent Laughing Cat of Immaculate Prose.

So it was, following Quiet Shadow's moonlit proposal to the noble Ravitsu Cale, that talk turned to the thought of preparations for the upcoming ceremony of romantic alliance between the aforesaid Chosen of the Unconquered Sun and the Ever changing Moon. It was eventually decided, after an amount of discussion commensurate with the degree of gravity of the forthcoming occasion, that Burning Brand should be engaged to plan the pre-marriage celebration known colloquially as a 'Stag Night' for Ravitsu, while Quiet Shadow would speak to Cathak Alana about arranging a similar event for herself. It was also hoped that the reverend Alana would be able to preside over the ceremony of marriage itself. Consideration was also made towards which esteemed personages would be most welcome at the said marriage by way of guests, and which persons, though in no way less esteemed, would only find themselves embarrassed by an invitation, and thus could be nothing less than grateful should such an invitation not in-fact arrive.

On the first list were such persons as the mother of the noble Ravitsu Cale (for which purpose the groom would no doubt find himself required to fly to the colourful city of Nexus; his father, alas, would not be able to attend owing to the unfortunate circumstance of being utterly unknown to any present); various Chosen of Luna who preferred to reside inside cities rather than the wilderness as was more customary (alas, this correspondent has been unable to determine who exactly these were); the most wise and fair Despot of Gem, and his aunt, the Lady Rankar (who would hopefully not feel the need to perform for any of the guests the same service she was most regretfully required of by the late Master Tanaka Ledaal); the valorous Cathak Aeron, cousin to the Blessed Alana (who would, it has to be said, no doubt have turned up anyway, but if invited would be spared the indignity of being a gatecrasher); Grala, the Mistress of the Hunt (in return for her gracious invitation towards Ravitsu Cale of a Behemoth hunt); the Naga (about whom we have regretfully been completely unable to uncover any information of note); and last, but of course not least among the guests, the other members of the Gem City Watch (about whom much has been written in previous volumes by scribes far more talented than our humble self, and thus we trust the reader will forgive us if, in the interests of brevity, a cause to which we have always subscribed, even if we have more often found ourselves unwittingly at odds with, we expend no words here describing).

On the second of these lists were to be found such names as Octavian (not invited owing to his being a demon devoted to overthrow of Creation, and hence, although no doubt the most charming of guests, someone who would only find himself embroiled in unfortunate political debate at the celebration, which event could only lead to embarrassment to all concerned); Cathaks Bannion, Boone, and Bella (who, although already proven to be of great valour, would no doubt wish, if allowed to speak frankly, or if Boone, allowed to speak at-all, to avoid the occasion out of concern that they would suffer great social misfortune on account of the three of them, collectively, not possessing the wisdom or common sense possessed by the average sheep); Cathak Anaria (because it would only be a cause of embarrassment to all concerned when her esteemed cousin Alana attempted to throttle her); the Mahdi (for much the same reasons as Cathak Anaria); and any and all practitioners of the noble art of mime, most especially if attending as entertainers (since, despite Quiet Shadow's naive beliefs, they were mostly engaged in a practice justly reviled by all right-thinking people, and it would be a most grave social faux-pas for a guest to be summarily hauled off and thrown in the scorpion pits).

While compiling said lists, there was some debate regarding the inclusion, or not, of one particular name, that name being that of Chejob Kejak, secretary to the Mouth of Peace, and head of the Bronze Faction of the Chosen of the Maidens. The decision ultimately taken was in favour, on the perhaps spurious grounds that at least in this manner the noble constabulary of Gem would know, for the duration of the ceremony at least, the location of one of Creation's most notorious miscreants as yet untainted by the heavy hand of justice.

While discussing the matter of wedding invitations, it struck Quiet Shadow that her mother no doubt had her own opinions on the matter; on further considering the matter, she decided that she should at once return home and check. This she did at once, only to discover that her mother, the infamous Bandit-Queen Bronze Shadow, had already sent out invitations to many old friends of the family. Reading the list, one that contained such old and familiar names as Black Jack McHat (the "King of Thieves" - an affectionate nickname for an old rogue with such a devout respect for other peoples' property), Yriel the Raider (possessed, it had to be said, of an unfortunate habit of visiting violence upon those who could not pronounce his name correctly), Canan the Butcher (named, of course, for his profession as purveyor of fine meats), and the Eastern Ninja Clans (esoteric seekers of truth and devout pacifists all), Quiet Shadow was overcome by emotion at the thought of the lengths to which her devoted mother would go in arranging her marriage. It was surely but an unfortunate coincidence that the list of names she beheld bore such a strange resemblance to the South's Most Wanted.

While perusing the wedding invitations, Quiet Shadow was given further evidence of her mother's deep and abiding love. Concerned that her eldest daughter, so soon to be married, was living in a tiny apartment, hardly fit for even one Chosen of Heaven, let alone two, she had taken steps to procure a more suitable dwelling place. Indeed, she knew of the very place, a veritable palace high on the Peak with no less than twenty-six bedrooms, which she was sure would be needed to accommodate the many grandchildren she fondly hoped to soon have. Quiet Shadow was touched by this proof of maternal affection, but was concerned that her mother should not over-exert herself on her daughter's behalf. Bronze Shadow then assured her dutiful daughter that indeed, there was little effort on her part required, as she had come in possession of the gambling debts of the al’Abins family, who owned the mansion she desired for her daughter, and said family would surely be happy to vacate their home in return for their debts being forgiven, especially if it was to house one of the sacred Chosen of the Unconquered Sun.

Quiet Shadow grew concerned then that her mother might accidentally embarrass herself socially in her zeal to provide for her daughter. She attempted to dissuade her mother of her chosen course of action, only for her mother to remind her of her responsibilities as the heir of a Bandit-Queen. Quiet Shadow herself had to admit that her recent struggles in the service of the Unconquered Sun had left her little time to practice such family skills as extortion or seduction. Unwilling to risk spoiling such a happy moment with a petty family squabble, she decided to go and seek moral advice from one far more qualified to give it, namely the blessed Saint Alana, who was at that very moment preaching a sermon to the assembled Church of Light in Gem (and, it had to be said, relishing the absence from her life of creatures of darkness, functionaries of the Realm, desperate battles, or indeed anyone related to her). To Quiet Shadow's utmost surprise, Saint Alana was mostly supportive of Bronze Shadow's plans, feeling that there was an important moral lesson to be learned here on the evils of gambling (and more importantly, on the folly of gambling and continually loosing).

While not wishing to disagree with the moral judgement of one of Unconquered Sun's chosen priests, Quiet Shadow nonetheless felt compassion for the unfortunate rich family who had been chosen to donate their living space to her. In her ethical desperation, she turned for advice to a most unlucky source, namely the sober (if only because of the still extant effects of Burning Feather's curse) council of the Captain of the City Watch himself. The Captain's suggestion was that there was a group of people, justly reviled by all right-thinking individuals, who would gladly give up their money if it would go some small way to lightening the accumulated weight of sin weighing on their souls. Strangely, the Captain was not, at that very moment, talking about mimes, but instead referred to the miscreants who had been the cause of penury in many an unfortunate individual whose only flaw was too deep an interest in the probabilities surrounding contests of speed amongst differing specimens of equine. In short, the Captain proposed fixing the Annual Tri-Khanate Gem Derby, which sporting event was due to be run in a couple of days, and robbing the bookies of some of their ill-earned wealth. As the last recorded instance of said race being run without any form of interference in the odds had occurred prior to the Usurpation (said extraordinary event involving an incursion from Malfeas, a Fair-Folk invasion, a bet between Luna and the Unconquered Sun regarding the gullibility of Mortals, and the pernicious effects of the Great Curse upon a Solar of great appetite and little brain), there was not deemed to be any moral deficit to this plan.

The splendid plan upon which all agreed was that Ravitsu Cale should take the form of a unimpressive horse, and be entered into the race, where the odds against him would no doubt be high due to his unprepossessing appearance, while during the race itself he would use the gifts of Luna to insure his position in first place. Luna would surely regard this an excellent use of Her gifts, or at least He would so long as said Incarna had not placed any bets on the other horses participating in the race. Desiring to spread the expected largess of this scheme to at least one other victim of the bookies' malice, the Captain chose the aptly named "Aziz the Unlucky" to enter the horse named "Happy Couple" in the derby. The other equine specimens being entered into this test of speed and skill were as follows: the Despot's horse, "Appropriate Environmental Flora", backed by the Lady Rankar herself; the Chiaroscuro entry, "Desert Wind", owned and indeed ridden by Deputy Khan Fast Horse; Paragon's entry, the imaginatively named "Perfect Choice", ridden by Demi Prefect Shania; the aforementioned "Happy Couple", ridden by the Tiger Warrior Feyd; and a dark horse named "Wyld Stallion", ridden by Calithestes.

The day before the race, Ravitsu Cale (in his guise as a horse) was delivered to Aziz, and hence to the stables. That night, the Chosen of Luna was witness to the traditional before-race custom of Gem commonly known as "nobbling the horses". One particular miscreant tried to include Ravitsu in this ritual, to the extent of cutting one of the guardsman's legs (a futile gesture, had he but known the true nature of the horse he wounded), but Ravitsu restrained himself from offering a suitable rebuke to this offence. Ravitsu Cale also witnessed Bronze Shadow sneaking into the stables; in a sudden fit of patriotism (despite having only resided in Gem a few weeks) the devoted mother of Quiet Shadow decided to make a suitable gesture of contempt for the would-be conquerors of her adopted city by doping the Perfect's horse. That this was also the horse being so heavily bet upon by the al’Abins family could have in no way influenced her to act. Inspired, no doubt, by a futile desire to make the race more fair, she also gingered up "Wyld Stallion".

The next day, the very day of the race itself, was a festive occasion unmarred by more than incidental criminality. To capture the feel of the event, we include here a commentary upon the progress of the race as given in his distinct local patois by the worthy Alma’Carick, or as he was nicknamed, "Hairy and Scary". We have set down his words verbatim, hoping that one of our readers may be able to write us with an explanation of what he actually meant:

Lap 1- everyone off to good start – HappyCouple in early lead. AnddoesntPerfectChoice lookin a badway- barelymoving!

Lap 2- Environmentally Apropriate Flora and Desert Wind falling behind, and yes, Lady Rankar is siting back in disapoinment,reaching for a macaroon. Isnt she a national treasure, couldn’t say a bad word against her! Now it’s a three horse race and look at them flyback, Wyld Stallion edging in on Happy Couple and such a look of conventration on Jocjey Shania’s face as she gets everything from Perfects Choice.

Lap 3 – WyldStalliondropsbackanditsPerfectsChoice andHappyCouple,neckandneck, it’llbewonbyanose and onlyour sportinggods willbeableto call it! And look at that burst of speedfromboth,wouldn’t havebelieveditif Ihadntseen itmyself! And yes, we have a result from thejudges! Winner of the 10th Gem-TriKhan Derby iSSSSSSSS….. Happy Couple!

The Captain, Quiet Shadow, and Aziz the Unlucky were all beneficiaries of a large sum of coinage. To avoid hurting the feelings of her devoted mother, Quiet Shadow discretely broke into the al'Abins' household and added a suitable sum to their strongbox. Bronze Shadow was, it has to be said, somewhat disappointed at not being able to secure for her beloved daughter the mansion she so desired, but said disappointment was somewhat assuaged by the sum of no less than fifty thousand silver pieces that came to her in payment for the al'Abins' debts, a sum that promised a most impressive wedding ceremony.

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