PhoenixOfTheWest/Chapt04Note

Notes for Phoenix of the West, chapter four

2-10:

Okay. I've read all three chapters multiple times now, and these are my initial thoughts.

I love Oteitani. He's like Han Solo. It's amazing that I think so, because I've never seen any of the Star Wars movies all the way through.

It would be great if, somehow, Oteitani got his hands on the gem that Stone Face required Osol to keep. Like, if Lyeshe gave it to him for a job well done. Of course, that would imply that Ote is still on the wrong side at the end of the fight, unless I come up with a dastardly plan.

I keep picturing Lyeshe as the evil anime pretty-boy.
- Yay! I was totally hoping that we'd have someone turn into a terrifying bishonen, and Taban and Oteitani are not appropriate for that:) willows

If Taban embodies compassion, and Osol embodies conviction, I definitely see Ote as valor. As a matter of fact, he's going to cut the sorcerous construct's head clean off, and it'll keep coming at him. Ote will be ready to fight the thing until he grinds it into dust, and in the middle of one of the more dramatic moments, Taban will use his staff to break the gem in the statue's forehead, and it will immediately become inert. Brains over brawn.

The hunters that didn't die ran away. The woman Ote talked to will be hiding. OOOH. How's this for dastardly: somehow Ote fakes proof of Taban's death-- the two aren't exactly buddies, but they'll have respect for each other-- and tells him he can track Osol if he wants to, but to give him a head start to at least keep from arousing suspicion. The woman will hear the entire thing, and slip away to go tell her master the news. Whether she makes it there, and what Lyeshe will do if she tells him, is for the next guy to decide.

2-11:

Oteitani is going to use Flow Like Blood instead of using peripheral Essence. Well, he might end up using peripheral, but it just makes more sense for him to be forced to use an obviously supernatural charm than to go all glowy-glowy right away.

The armor on the warrior-construct will be orichalcum. Taban will offer it to Oteitani, perhaps mentioning that the Dawn caste are great warriors. Oteitani will refuse to wear it, calling orichalcum "Demon-gold," but takes it anyway. It can be a cool metaphor; if he ever dons the armor, it could be like he's finally accepting his Exaltation. He hides the armor from Lyeshe.

Maybe Taban can go back and tell his family what happened to Osol, swearing an oath to keep her safe- and apologize profusely for letting her get captured, of course. The father will be angry, but not at Taban. The mother will wish him well. Cue tender moment.

On second thought, Oteitani is not going to ask for a head start tracking Lyeshe. That would imply he's not the best tracker in the world. He may or not be, but he wouldn't undercut his own talent like that.

2-13:

Ote and Taban are going to have a pretty bad injury or two, but they're not going to be so badly beaten that they need to just lay around and heal. I think it might screw with the pace that's already been set by the other writers.

Lyeshe is going to tell Osol that the collar will erase her memory. It's kind of cheesy as far as exposition goes, but I like it anyway, in the "Who cares? You're not going to remember anyway" sense.

2-17:

Wow, life has crapped on me way too much in the last four days. Time to get going again.

As both a reader and a writer, I want witty banter between Ote and Taban after the fight. But why wouldn't Taban go after Osol right away, even in his weakened state? Hmmmm.

2-18:

Oteitani will have used some peripheral motes, not a lot. Enough to where his sparkle is easily hidden, but Taban will find it anyway.

The proof of Taban's death will be the bloodstained rags from Taban's shirt that Oteitani has binding his arm.

I'm not going to have nearly enough time to write the tearful scene back with Osol's parents, so I'd at least like to include a talk between Taban and Oteitani about what Solar-ness means, perhaps to get Ote questioning what he thinks he already knows.

I just realized that, if Sanan is hiding there, she will find out that Oteitani is a Solar. Do I do this, do I not?