Patkin/TeddLazybones
Tedd Lazybones, the Tired Baron
In the Guild, there circulates a saying, perpetuated by chipper and naive members to refer to anyone who doesn't glory in the fact that they belong to the Guild. The saying is "Cheer up, Lazybones, look where you are!" This is supposedly meant to be a rousing speech, but in reality, it is an invocation of quite possibly the laziest little god in Creation, Tedd Lazybones.
Tedd's story began long ago, in the First Age. Tedd was once little more than a small landowner in the East, who found a career in the bureaucratic maze of Hollow. Tedd used to be happy, a father of three, gifted with a loving wife, a pliable mistress, and enough power to get by in luxary without drawing the attentions of his betters. Yes, Tedd was gifted with so much, and he knew it.
Then it all changed. A streak of bad luck flushed much of his resources out into the river, and with that loss, his mistress left him.
His youngest son came down with one of the plagues running rampant through Hollow.
His oldest son, his heir, was fooled into following a Dawn Solar on a hunt, and never returned.
His daughter, while tending to her little brother, was pulled into a dark alley in the market and murdered, after some vile lowlife thugs had defiled her. The three men had been found by an investigator amongst the Dragon-Blooded Host, but one of the men was the nephew of a Solar merchant, and got off scot-free, leaving his fellows to hang.
His wife went mad with grief, and drowned herself one morning before Tedd woke.
And so Tedd found himself, minus a wife, minus a heir, a daughter, with hardly a coin to his name, working on the same files, over and over again. His superiors, having worked with Tedd for so long, wouldn't bother him with any difficult jobs, and so Tedd settled into a lazy equilibrium, filing papers at the last minute, and going back to sit at his desk, moping, and drawing out his paperwork for as long as he could put it off.
Soon enough, the palpable sense of loss and futileness permeated the bureaucracy surrounding Tedd, grinding an entire section of the ministries to a halt. By this time, the Great Curse had taken hold, and the life of one terminally depressed individual and his effect on others hardly seemed worth noticing. So it was that a file for godhood found its way into Tedd's in-box. Looking over the paperwork, Tedd hatched upon a brilliant idea. Taking great care, Tedd methodically erased the previous handwriting on the file, and filled his own name in, appending the surname "Lazybones" as a distraction. Placed into the out-box, Tedd sat back and procrastinated even further, watching as Hollow began to topple around him.
Still, from even the smallest action, epic lives can flower, and so it was that the paperwork for "Tedd Lazybones, the Tired Baron" found its way back to the Celestial Bureaucracy. Looking over the paperwork (which was impeccable, if slightly off), approval for the investiture of godhood was quickly set upon, in perhaps the last act of expedient paperwork in any bureaucracy. Soon Tedd, now forever Tedd Lazybones, found his body losing its grip on Creation, and soon enough he became a non-entity in his office, an ethereal spirit of the grinding workweek, the futile nature of paperwork, and all the things in life that chewed people up and spit them back out with a dank hole where their motivation used to be.
And so it is to this day, that Tedd Lazybones continues to do his job, making sure no one else does. He knows he doesn't do it for himself, but still he occasionaly forms a cult in the bottlenecks of bureaucracy. That's just the sort of thing a little god does after all, and so long as he does that, no one will notice him, they'll leave him be.
So, paradoxically, by lacking any motivation whatsoever, he's found himself one of the most motivated little gods in the Celestial Bureaucracy. It is a paradox that drives most Immaculate monks who must deal with Tedd to earth-shaking anger, and even further infuriates the Sidereals working their influences to find Tedd sitting at their desk, grinding all their precious fate-weaving to nothingness.
For, although Tedd lacks any proof, he is sure that the streak of bad luck was either the result of a Sidereal's careless fate-altering, or the more suspiciously, the *deliberate* fate-altering of his life.
Well, don't just sit there moping, cheer up, lazybones!
Nature : Bureaucrat\\ Attributes : Strength 2, Dexterity 3, Stamina 3, Charisma 2, Manipulation 5, Appearance 2, Perception 5, Intelligence 5, Wits 3\\ Virtues : Compassion 2, Conviction 2, Temperance 5, Valor 2\\ Abilities : Awareness 2, Bureaucracy 5 (Foot-Dragging +3), Endurance 2, Linguistics 5 (Native: Old Realm; High Realm, Low Realm, Riverspeak, Guild Cant, Sky-tongue), Lore 3, Presence 3 (Misery Loves Company +3)\\ Backgrounds : Cult 2, Followers (Inefficient Clerks, Servents and Workers) 5+, Influence 2\\ Charms : Confusion, Foul Air of Argument Technique, Hoodwink, Hurry Home, Imprecation (Usually reduces target's temporary Willpower by two points), Indolent Official Charm, Malediction (Usually reduces target's temporary Willpower by three points), Materialize, Stillness, Tiny Damnation (Usually reduces target's temporary Willpower by one point)\\ Essence : 4\\ Willpower : 10\\ Note : Tedd Lazybones just doesn't care. A raging Third-Circle demon, a perfect circle of Sidereal Exalted, the Unconquered Sun himself wouldn't be able to budge Tedd Lazybones into doing much else than what he was already planning on doing. Which is typically not a lot and making sure other people don't accomplish a lot.
