DeathBySurfeit/Ko

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“Hey dude! You're all, like, 'Woah'. Sit down, dude, let me get you a drink.

“No worries, man, it's not like you owe me or nothing. Turns out you can get all the beers you want if you've got a neat-o sword. Yeah, this one. Pretty awesome, huh? Where'd I get it? Okay, brace yourself dude, this is a long one.

“My mom popped me out at this totally rad place called Kawabunka. You might've heard of it. Yeah, it's an awesome place, way down in the Southwest. Chicks and dudes from the Realm come down to, well, chillax, y'know? It's got these kick-ass beaches, little islands to explore, and the waves? Don't get me started, dude.

“So she's just, like, a beachcomber, and far as I know, I ain't got a dad. But it's cool. Kawabunka is a pretty frikkin' awesome place to grow up, y'know? You got all these rich-ass dudes and chicas, and they have money to throw around. Me, I'd show 'em a few tricks – surfboard tricks, dude, shut up – and we were pretty cool.

“But this one day, I'm out on the waves doing my thing with some hot-ass Dynast chick and all of the sudden there's this shadow in the water. Heavy. You seen a siaka, man? Guess you don't get many of them 'round here. Know sharks? Think shark, but big-ass, with these huge frikkin' teeth.

“So this chick, like, totally freaks. Falls off her board, big no-no. She's not Dragon-Blooded or anything, see, so she's pretty much bait by now. But I'm all 'I'll save you, totally hot chick!' and swing 'round the board. I get a hand on her – dude, no – but by then there's this huge dark wave coming up, and pretty soon we're going to see those teeth real close up. Not cool.

“So up comes this siaka, man, and the chick's all 'Agh! We're gonna die!' But I'm there and I'm like 'No! Fuck you, dude!', and I kick up the board, do this totally awesome pipe on the next wave, slide up the siaka and, like, fly to safety, pretty much.

“There's this bunch of chicks and dudes on the beach by now, and I've pretty much jumped the siaka. I cruise in, drop off the chick, and I'm totally pumped. Like, woah! So I'm all 'High five, dudes!' and suddenly I'm blazing, man, like burning up. Flames all over the shop, dude, it was crazy.

“That night, I guess my mom must have heard, cause she's all 'Dude, we have to talk'. And I'm, like, 'Yeah.' Turns out, this well cool Dragon Blooded dude was down here on holiday, and knocked up my mom. Then he's, like, 'Gotta go' and he's dust, man. Ha ha! Sounds like a bit of a dude, doesn't he?

“She tells me all about this place he's got set up where he, like, totally boned my mom. I go up to the place, and it's well awesome. Almost got fried by some metal-ass machines he got set up there, but it turns out they let family dudes through. So, I'm checking out the place, and find this neat-o sword. It's pretty much my favourite sword in, like, the whole of Creation. It can do everything, dude, everything you could want. Kill bad guys? Check. Get beers? Check. Rock out? Check. Fly? Check. Shoot frikkin' laser beams? Ka-check.

“I reckon my dad's out there, man, and I totally need to check him out. Dude, that's gross. I hear there's this thing they got going on here. Turns out you bust up some bad guys, and they get you in touch with the guys up high. Dynasts, dude. Think about it, man! One of them has to know who he is. We can, like, meet up and totally rock the place out. It'll be awesome.

So I set out across the South. I don't know much of their crazy-ass language, but I've got a big sword. You know what 'hau kyung' means? It's High Realm for 'big sword'. Thing is, dude, frikkin' everyone understands 'big sword'. It's, like, a universal language. So I get by, walk with some dudes, drink with some dudes, smoke up with some dudes – even fight with some dudes, man.

“So yeah, there's these dudes that are, like, totally after my ass. Not like that, dude! Though I've had more than one friend suddenly be, like, by the Dragons dude, I'm totally homo for you. I know, I know! But yeah. What was I saying? Oh, right. Yeah, so these dudes are all 'We're gonna stab your ass up'. Ha ha! Not like that, man. You're messed up, totally one-track.

“Anywho, so I'm all like 'Are NOT!' And out comes my sword. Dude, shut up! I mean this big, like, solid metal shaft. Okay, okay, it is a bit like that! Whatever. So, I totally do them over and – dude, let me finish – I find out from the last one that they're from the Realm.

“So I'm all 'Booyah!' and blow the place up, but it's, like, got me thinking. That's pretty heavy, dude. Some guys are, like, totally not down with the whole family reunion vibe. Maybe they're my dad's enemies or something, and they're all 'Woah, two totally awesome dudes in the same place? No way!' and we'd be all 'Yes way, dudes!' but yeah. Right. Maybe they're actually from my dad or something. That'd be a total bummer. Unless he thought I was just some guy that nicked his stuff. That'd be funny as hell.

“So, as I was saying... aw, shit man, gotta go. There's some dudes at the back of the bar that are totally up for second helpings of my sword. Ha ha! Dude, you're hilarious. But yeah. Laters.”