Difference between revisions of "GoldenCat/ObsidianAftermath05"
m (link fix) |
m |
||
(One intermediate revision by one other user not shown) | |||
Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
− | + | * - Back to [[GoldenCat/SixthMovement|Sixth Movement]] | |
+ | * - Back to [[GoldenCat/DanceOfAngels|A Dance of Angels]] | ||
+ | |||
+ | == End of Feelings == | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: ''' ''Names... So little compared to a life's story. And yet, one name can also encompass so much - feelings, memories, reminescences. '' | ||
+ | |||
+ | The quill moves swiftly across the pages his hand moving carefully as to not smudge the fresh ink on the pristine paper. In the quiet winter afternoon he stands, black and violet robes fluttering slightly in the winds as his eyes survey the surroundings. He is silent, taking his time to write each name properly, spending a moment to think upon each and everyone as he lays them on the paper. | ||
+ | |||
+ | It has not been long since the las battle they had waged. And battle brings both joys and sorrows as tears are shed for those departed, and shouts of celebration uttered for those who were alloed to go on. And now is the best time for the Gatekeeper to think upon the losses, as they are still recent, their presence still fresh in his mind - to commit them to memory, that their mark in history never be forgotten. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Even if it had to be only by him. | ||
+ | |||
+ | And in response the pyre burns brightly but quietly, the rising smoke taking away the vessels the departed wore when walking Creation. The crackling of the fire and the faint wind are the only sounds that fill the the afternoon air, the scent of ceremonial incence clinging to the area like a cloak of fragrant smoke. | ||
+ | |||
+ | And so as their bodies disappear, their names are engraved permanently into the Book of the Dead... | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' The demon girl comes wandering up. Slowly, too slowly for her usual pace. But considering she'd only recently gotten out of a coma, it was to expected she'd take things slow. She was wearing her long black coat, and her scarf. Not her hat; trying to hide who she was had no use here, after the battle. They'd all seen her. | ||
+ | |||
+ | In her hand is a briefcase. A few meters away from Alexsei she sits down on a log, overlooking the pyre and opens it briefly to procure some prayer beads. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Silently she mouths a prayer as a new body is tossed onto the flame. Flicking one of the beads over to the other side. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: ''' He finishes writing another name in the registry, and lifting his head from the book momentarily, his attention focusing back to the world around him. And only when he focuses again does he register the presence of the newcomer sitting close-by,prayer beads in hand... A smile crosses his lips as he turns back to the smoke lifting up to the heavens. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Ah, welcome, lady Iselsis. It is a pleasure to see you well enough to walk outside again..." He turns towards her once more, resting his quill in the book for a moment as rests his right hand under his left one, helping it to hold the heavy tome. "In times of War, there is much to prepare and plan - idle time is rare and short, as well as infinitely precious." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I am certain the Fallen appreciate that you have taken some of your precious resting time to come and pay your respects and see them on their way." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' She glances over at Alexsei, and fishes a cigarette out of her pocket, blowing on it gently to light the tip. Her hands were shaking slightly, and she puffs on it a few times, rings of smoke escaping her nostrils before she speaks. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "My precious resting time? The only difference between me and the bodies on this pyre is that they weren't fortunate enough to be someone of relative importance. If anything, I owe it to them." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: ''' He smiles at her remark, nodding slowly before turning towards the pyre once more. "There are many who would not think as you do, however. Faceless individuals in a faceless war, casualties as there will always be - that is the feeling of many of us. While losses are unavoidable, it is sometimes much to easy to forget they were not just pawns in a great game, but living, breathing beings, people who fought for what they believed in, up to the point of giving up their very lives for it." | ||
+ | |||
+ | Turning violet eyes back to the demon woman, he smiles once more, tilting his head slightly. "But every one of us who remain is a victory, a celebration of life in the face of the coming conclusion. I am glad you have survived, lady Iselsis - and I know I am not the only one." | ||
+ | |||
+ | He nods slowly, pulling the quill from the book with utmost care and closing it gently before taking a seat across the demon-woman. "I never thanked you properly for the assistance you gave me in that battle, Lady Iselsis. Without the people around me who fought on our side, perhaps it is I who would have been sent on my way on this pyre today." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "I was just doing what I was trained for. There's no need to thank me.", she stares into the flame for a while. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "We're all pawns, you know. Some of us just may not know it yet.", another body, another silent prayer, another bead flicked to the side. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "It's funny really, because I was telling Acelia the other day not to want to be like us. 'Heroes'.", she scoffs at the word, "Like we're somehow more than anyone else. We're not better, smarter or wiser. We don't know what the hell we're doing any more than anyone else does, but just because we were given power we're expected to have all the answers. And so we all pretend that we are the heroes they want us to be, and we stumble along blindly, lying to ourselves and everyone else that we know where we're going." | ||
+ | |||
+ | She falls silent for a moment. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "And if we happen to go the wrong way, people suffer for it, and die. Because they were foolish enough to believe we knew what we were doing, and because we were stupid enough to pretend we did know." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "The only difference is power." Comes a voice behind Izabella, behind and to one side. Not a mocking tone, not a smug one. Merely, factual. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "And in the end, what falsehood and truth are, are up to the people who have the most of it." Selina's greatcoat is still unbuttoned, swaying as she walks. She seems more serene now, is if a weight's been taken off of her shoulders. Mostly. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "At least, I thought that, a long time ago." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: ''' He leans back slightly, then pushes his spectacles on the bridge of his nose as he rests one of his hands on his book. For a moment he says nothing, listening carefully to Iselsis' heartfelt words. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Truer words were never spoken, Lady Iselsis. We... were granted the powers to change the world. And we were also granted the powers to doom it, in our own selfishness and arrogance." He lifts his gaze up to the skies, pausing a moment as he stays in contemplation. "But sometimes this power blinds us also, to the real matters at hand, to the realities of being alive..." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "All of us wish to fight the darkness around us - but this darkness is inside us, breathing and living as we do. We are all monsters - everything lies in the balance, and how we can use this to fight for what we believe in... Or how much we can rein in before our sanity erodes and we become a twisted mockery of what you once were." | ||
+ | |||
+ | He almost starts a the arrival of the other woman - Aine, she was now calling herself - lost as he was in reminescence and reflections. He smiles at her arrival, politely signaling her to take a seat with them. "Why, lady Aine, this is surely an unexpected visit... Please, have a seat, if you fancy staying with us for a while..." | ||
+ | |||
+ | He looks down for a moment then, the words digging into his mind. "In the end, difference of values and opinions is the only real fuel of conflict and war. We cling to what we hold dear, to our own truths, embracing them with our very beings. They make us Gods or Monsters, depending on our actions - and the ones witnessing them. But in the end, we are blindly and desperately grasping at the mythical 'truth'..." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "Well, I sure as hell know it ain't them who got it the right way, as far as truth goes." | ||
+ | |||
+ | She fishes into her pocket again, procuring two more cigs between the tips of her fingers. "Either of you want one?", before glancing at Selina. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "And what do you think now?" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Acelia: ''' "I'll take one." Acelia says, slowly walking towards the Pyre. "I heard a lil' bit of it. And I'd still take the power anyway!" She says as she comes closer to Iselsis, picking the cigarette. "Some fire?" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' She gently blows on the tip to light it, just like she did her own. "You only say that because you don't actually have any. It's a catch twenty-two." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: ''' "Oh no thanks for me, lady Iselsis. But thank you deeply for your offer." He smiles at her, then at the newly arrived woman, inclining his head politely to her. "Ah, well hello there, milady. I believe we have not yet met - I am Alexsei Krauser, Funeral Priest and scholar. It is a pleasure to meet you here." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Acelia: ''' "Acelia of Indigo Blooms, from the Boil." She waves the funeral priest, "Hm, saleswoman, nurse, factory worker, spookie-in-training... a little bit of everything, here. Unfortunately, nothing well." Her mismatched eyes blink, and the wind moves her white hair with a melodious symphony, as she takes another puff on her cigarette... "And glad I am alive, to boot. You're all to thank for it, so, thanks!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' *FLICK*, and there she goes, flicking Acelia's nose rather meanly. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Why didn't you tell me you were a spookie sooner!?" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: ''' "All who participated have played an important role in this battle - whether it was openly visible or not." He gazes to the pyre for a moment, keeping to himself before turning back to the newcomer. "But I am glad to meet you, lady Acelia. You are a friend of lady Iselsis, I can gather?" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Acelia: ''' "Owww! 'Cause I was an errand-girl and office-girl when I applied for them! I also did inventories! Nothin' worth tellin', Ise!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | "And yeah, yeah, I am! She saved my life... some of the gangs after the fight were after me... they lost all the rules after that. Just a bunch of inner-city savages...." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "Well your department might still get pissed at me for stealing one of their agents ... secretaries?" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Acelia: ''' "Eh, they kicked me out waaayyy before we met. Budget cuts. Happens every month with the poor bastards." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "Don't want one, no." Selina says, waving it away. She thinks for a moment, listening to them talk, then finally deigns to reply. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Honestly? It's still true. But it's not an excuse to be a genocidal asshole." | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''usually'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "So that still doesn't explain why you're weird, then." | ||
+ | |||
+ | She glances at Selina, but decides not to say anything, at least for the moment. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Acelia: ''' "Wha, it's an interrogation now? I'm just weird, ok?" She says, puffing more on the cigarette... "Jus' like you!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: ''' He nods once more then, smiling deeply at the young woman's energy. "I see. Then you are in good hands indeed, lady Acelia." | ||
+ | |||
+ | He looks slighly more serious at Selina's reply, taking in the answer and Iselsis' response as he gazes upon the cover of his book. "Truth is always tinted by the observer's beliefs. There is no such things as complete objectivity in these matters - what is satisfactory for one is not for another. But lady Aine is right - power grants you the ability to surpass your fellow human beings. But that fact in itself is no reason to use this power against them indiscriminately. " | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I pay my respects to the dead here, which is one of my duties - one of the things I do according to my most sacred beliefs. But I have also taken lives for the things I have believed in... Only time will tell if I was right or wrong - or if I was neither. I can only go on... And continue to fight for what I believe in." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "By all rights I shouldn't even be here... war isn't in my job description. I'm not particularly good at it either...", she mouths another prayer, and flicks a bead as a new body goes onto the pyre. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Too many pyres lately.", she remarks. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' Selina looks to her sister, raising an eyebrow. "Weird?" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' She shrugs, thumbing at Acelia next to her. "She says she's weird by her own admission, but won't tell me how or why. Or maybe can't." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Acelia: ''' "Heeellooooo?!?" She points at her own eyes, "Blue eye and red eye? Snow-white hair?" She puffs from the cigarette, and the smoke coils in weird shapes... "Odd things 'bout me? ''Normal'' I ain't. And, you know, neither are you lot." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "I thought you meant my 'unmentionables', not what I am." Selina says with some exasperation and embarassment, shrugging in her coat. "If I was normal I'd be fucking some fat, rich merchant in the best brothel Nexus has right now." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I'm weird cause I swore an oath to the dead gods. And before that, cause I was Anathema." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "We're all weird because we're Chosen of some shape or form. Whats your excuse?", she taps Acelia in the forehead, "Did you ever stop to think maybe you could have some latent inborn powers, or something?" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Acelia: ''' "Being chosen makes you red? And which part turns you into a murderous hag?" She asks of Selina, "I dun have an excuse. Mommy did something nasty with someone, and nine months later, I was here. That's 'bout it!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "Being chosen ''can'' make you red, actually.", she huffs, "It would've been better if you asked if it gave you horns. That answer would be more conclusive." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Acelia: ''' "Then, did it give you horns?" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "No, fate and manipulators shitting all over me made me a murderous hag." Selina snorts at her sister and Izabella's companion, then looks to Alexsei. "Have you ever been in the Underworld?" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "And I suspect something very similar to that was what gave me horns, actually. I wasn't bloody born with them, that's for sure." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Acelia: ''' "Er, I meant hag as in shriveled skin, claws, weird voice... you know, before you all flew out of the mountain, that thing you did." She shivers a bit, out of the memory of Hyrokkin alone. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: ''' ''An oath to the Dead Gods... Those who Dream of the day life in Creation will be unmade. So that '''is''' the source of her powers, after all... Then both you and I are... '' | ||
+ | |||
+ | "'Weird'... We all are, to a certain degree. Only, not always for the obvious reasons. Things are not always so clean-cut. He turns back to Lady Aine, pushing up his spectacles up the bridge of his nose. "You and I for example, Lady Aine - by any standards, we should be enemies. It is inscribed in our very essences." He traces his fingers upon the book, watching it for only a moment before looking at her once more. "Only... Twice now, I have seen you fight by my side to protect things that should not have been destroyed. For all those who have called you a monster, I have seen someone who has fought for the same cause as I. As for me..." He pauses for another moment, gazing at the skies before lowering his gaze back to her. "I am not favored in Heaven for I stand against many of the things my brethren take as the complete and absolute truth. Indeed, looks are often deceptive..." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Salvation does not always come enshrouded in white." | ||
+ | |||
+ | He shakes his head at her, lowering his gaze - the conversation is, to say the least, strange to him, to have one of the servants of the Malfeans speak so easily and openly of her nature, sitting by a funeral pyre alongside him. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "No, my lady. I have never set foot there. I only know of the place - with the limited knowledge I could gather from it." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "Well, I win anyway...", she stretches languidly before continuing. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I'm a demonic dragonblooded of air, an exorcist who kills and banishes spirits even though I half am one myself, I can bless a bullet, summon the fires of hell, and sometimes when I least expect it a yozi decides to pop out of my and destroy the scenery." | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''There, at least that's out in the open now. '' | ||
+ | |||
+ | "And all this before I'm even twenty years old. Go me." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "Stranger things have happened, to be sure." Selina shrugs. "But I've done my share of nasty things. You saw them, didn't you? In my anima. Those people didn't get there by accident." | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''I put them there. '' | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''Each and every one of them. '' | ||
+ | |||
+ | "But if you would deal with the dead, perhaps you should look upon the thing they have made for themselves. Their vain city of Stygia." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: '''He smiles to Iselsis, a chuckle escaping his lips at her intervention. "Well, you certainly had a... particular road to travel." ''Demons inside of you? Living... Inside? Perhaps this should be investigated, in time. '' "But the question is not how it looks, but how you carry yourself. For all the confusion you muster now, what I see is a young woman who has seen things much beyond what most will ever see, who has gained a wisdom beyond her years." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I was a slave to my uncle, in the Realm. My parents died of illness, and as one who did not display the blessings of the Dragons, I was seen as an inferior lifeform. Exaltation broke me free from his grasp, and I moved on. I later fought in the East... In Sijan, against the hordes of the dead and the mortals who would serve them." Memories of the Black Chase fill him for a moment, prompting a pause as he recalls everything he has experienced in these crucial years of his existence... "What I have seen there, my laughter and my tears... They shaped me into who I am now. These joys and pains are part of me, just like the memories of the dead are within me... I remember them. Those I send, and... those whose lives I take... I keep their memories close, within me." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "All this to say, what you are is greater than the sum of its parts. All I have said is unimportant - only who you are now, your beliefs, and your convictions. I, for one, for as briefly as I have known you, appreciates you for being Lady Iselsis - nothing more, and nothing less." | ||
+ | |||
+ | He turns back to Aine, nodding slowly at her response, his expression darkening slightly. "I have no doubts you have taken lives, Lady Aine. This... is often a fact we cannot run away. We all deal with it in different manenrs... You... You keep them in your anima. In a way, their memory lives on, within you. I... I write their names here." He rubs the heavy book, filled with names of those who have left Creation for Lethe. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "The dead... are restless, when they are not cut cleanly. A vain city... in the Kingdom of the Dead..." | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''Sorrows. Pains. Ignored. Forgotten. '' | ||
+ | |||
+ | "The sight would be... I cannot fathom. Devoured by the strong emotions they once held, those who are taken uncleanly as such are only twisted remnants of their previous selves. A pity... And also a danger, both for those in Creation, and those spirits themselves." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "For those in Creation, because these angry spirits grow resentful of the living. And for the spirits themselves, for in their rage and torment, they forget who they used to be." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' Izabella sort of shrinks into her coat at the words of praise. She wasn't used to people talking about her like that. In fact, even when she had done good with the black ops her praise was often mixed with criticism for something or other. Maybe her sheltered life wasn't really good as much as it had been comfortably familiar, after all. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Good thing red skin doesn't blush much. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Errr, thanks... Alexsei.", is all she manages to say to that. "I just hope my condition gets worse before I can find, yanno... a cure." | ||
+ | |||
+ | Of course she'd been looking all her life, importing volumous and obscure tomes of occult lore, and she'd not come up with a cure yet, despite recently getting a few questions answered. | ||
+ | |||
+ | At the part about her sister taking lives she mumbles under her breath "As long as more don't wind up in there..." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "Do you disapprove of that?" She asks Izabella, then returns to Alexsei. "You've heard the stories, I'm willing to bet." The Windian responds, moving a wing forward, running her hand over the black feathers. "You should see the Underworld, sometime. It is a monument to futility, because that is all the dead have left. Memories and vain hopes and desires. And hunger. Stygia is the center of that hunger." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Because below Stygia is where Oblivion resides." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' She glares at Selina now. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Fine, you asked for it. Yes, yes I disapprove. You know what, if you stopped killing people and swallowing them into your anima, at least the good ones and kept acting the way you are otherwise you might actually having a shot at redeeming yourself. Which would be a nice thing." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "I try not to eat the good ones!" Selina says, holding up her hands in half-mock supplication. "But when someone ditches you it's hard to not be pissed off at them." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: ''' He is not sure if he is to step into the argument - after all, both of them seemed to know wach other pretty well, and he would risk offending them or talking about things he did not fully understand if he spoke now. | ||
+ | |||
+ | To Selina, he nods, thoughtful at the words. "I have, indeed. It is difficult to separate the facts from the rumors, as what is actually known of the Underworld is very small and insignificant. But eventually..." He looks at the pyre, the souls sent without pain or regret, on to the next life... "Eventually, perhaps I will see this city with my own eyes, lady Aine." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "That's ''not'' funny!", she spits out at her older sister. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "No, it's not really funny, that is true. But you get messed up in the head after a decade of doing...stuff." She shrugs. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''All kinds of...stuff. '' | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I could arrange for a visit." Selina replies to Alexsei. "Though after the war is over, right now it would be too easy for the Bishop to kill us all there." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' She just shakes her head, already starting to regret what she told... well, herself, in her dream before. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: ''' He has trouble hiding his amusement at the exchange, even though the subject matter ''is'' very serious. But he learned, years ago, when serving in Sijan, that laughter is sometimes the only thing that aloows one to keep his sanity. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Then perhaps we should arrange this, when the time comes..." He nods to Aine, a smile forming once agian on his lips. "Though I agree about the war taking priority - I do not know about the Bishop's reach in the Underworld, but the matters are pressing us to stay here, where we can make a difference. But when the time comes... Perhaps we can speak of this again." | ||
+ | |||
+ | He turns back to Iselsis, then, still smiling at her. "You are obviously worried about your friend here, I can tell. And that is a completely valid feeling." He peers at the book in his lap, reminescing as he talks. "I myself did things I was not proud of before, and... Well, I tried to shut these things away, to deny who I am. But we are more than one picture, one surface telling only one story. As I said before... We are all struggling with the Monster within, all in our own ways. You, myself... And Lady Aine also, I am pretty sure." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "We all struggle for what we believe in, and fight in the ways we know of - even when it means fighting ourselves." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: '''Ise could say a dozen things to that, but instead she chose to say nothing again. That is, until someone tempted her to. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' Selina nods, then joins the Sidereal in looking at her sister, cocking an eyebrow at the girl (woman?). "Did I say something wrong?" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "Don't tempt me." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' Selina could find a hundred little things to divert the conversation back to something which was more pleasant. A thousand. But really, that will not change the problem. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I will not redeem myself," She says slowly, beginning. "Because I have not forgiven myself for what I did." Turquoise eyes narrow, harden with hate turned inward. Seething, festering self-loathing. "And until the day I do, there is little point in going through the motions of redemption." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "Well maybe you need to start working on that then. Or see a freaking ''priest'' or something, because I'll tell you one thing; the world doesn't care about what happened in the past, they care about what you are now, and if you don't start changing that then you might force me into doing something ''I ''will have to find some way to forgive myself for." | ||
+ | |||
+ | She gets up angrily, "Maybe you need to finish this self pity trip you've been on all this time and ''get over it''. They're dead and ''we're'' still here except you insist on making everything hard all over again for things that are in the past!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' ''Mistress, kill me now. '' | ||
+ | |||
+ | She could say something about irony, but that would just turn the entire thing into a...problem. Yes. A problem. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Instead, she nods at Alexsei again. "Ask Alexsei how easily forgiveness comes from the self, sometimes. Not that I'm saying it's a good thing." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: ''' He looks back at the black-feathered lady, then at the outburst the other woman displays. He says nothing for a moment, turning back to the pyre to wath the Rising Smoke once more. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "The past is done, but the past existed. Amazingly both of you seem to display different sides of one self. No wonder you seem to clash, even though you also seem to care for each other..." He looks back at Aine for a moment while she addresses him, and something in her eyes then... | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''Understanding. Whoever she is, and whatever she has done, she has lived through a lot. '' | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Sadly, often redemption is easier awarded by others than by oneself, as lady Aine has mentionned. It stems from the very desire to be up to one's own expectations, and the fall is sometimes... Difficult to climb from." He nods to the Dark Angel again, a note of understanding in his eyes - this time for ''her'' What had actually happened to her, or him, it does not matter - the ''feelings'' that stem from them are, and that is something he knows. "The most difficult forgiveness to win is forgiveness that comes from oneself." | ||
+ | |||
+ | He turns back to Iselsis then, eyes filled with something akin to... ''compassion''? He speaks slowly, almost not bearing to look at her as he says so. "I hope I do not anger you if I say such things, lady Iselsis. But I understand, on a basic level, what lady Aine speaks of. And please, I beg of you, you must not hate her for it. This is a fight she must face on her own, a demon that has to be conquered as surely as one you would fight with swords of bullets. Only, this one takes time and patience to overcome, and so the fight is over." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Already, I can tell you have a lot of strenght of character and a strong will, lady Iselsis. If lady Aine is your friend... Then by all means, stand by her. You display your strenght differently, and sometimes it is a great asset to have allies on one's side. Perhaps it makes no sense to you... It is not a good thing, like your friend said...But rest assured - it is a battle of will, and not one easily won..." | ||
+ | |||
+ | He falls silent then, lowering his eyes for a moment, wondering if he overstep his obundaries. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "What about using your dread power to annihilate things more horrible and repulsive then you?" Selina asks her sister, after the Sidereal has said his part, somewhat guardedly. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "Well how would you feel if someone's self pity was forcing your hand, huh? I'm finally getting somewhere with my life that isn't horrible and depressing and lonely. And now ''she'' pops up and threatens to ruin everything because ''she'' feels sorry for herself. There isn't any bloody time, and I will ''not'' have her throw my entire life into another 15 years of disarray because she can't get over what happened! ''I'' have things a lot more immediate to deal with!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | She glances back at Selina then, "You could do that if you got better too. I'm stronger because a yozi decided to snack on my soul, but do you see me embracing it just so I can kill things better? Fine, use your twisted power for good things, just stop acting like you're half a normal person and half revelling in the bloody monstrosity! Not only does it put me in a bad position, it's also just really grating in and of itself." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "So basically, you want to just forget it ever happened instead of coming to terms with it, covering it up and fearing in the back of your mind that something will dredge it up and you'll remember it all. You think I haven't tried that?" | ||
+ | |||
+ | Selina narrows her eyes at her sister, though the self hate is disintegrating. In it's place is an odd sort of -- almost motherly -- indignation. "He's right you know. The easy way is to do that. But that will get you nothing in the end. You'll still be sitting in the same malfeas-cursed hole, with dirt shoveled on the part you don't want to remember." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' *SLAP!* | ||
+ | |||
+ | And that was her immediate answer to that. She clenches her fists at her sides and nearly trembles with barely restrained rage at her sister. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "What the hell do you know about easy! About pretending it never happened! It happened and I watched them die at your hands, and here I am trying to forgive you while you act like a bitch to me all the time!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I was broken, I still am broken, because of what happened! But I managed to find a new purpose and a new life and move on, ''which is more than I can say about YOU''!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | "It was really hard and most times I was angry and lonely and depressed and just drifting through life, but ''I got over it'' and even found a measure of happiness despite what you did, until you decided to pop back into my life and ruin it all over again!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Don't you bloody well lecture ME about the easy way out, you self conceited, whiny little tramp!" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Alexsei Krauser: ''' He lowers his head then, uncertain about participating in a feud between friends. He stands up, clutching the book to himself as he looks to the both of them. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I... I do not wish to interfere in your conflict. I find it saddening that the both of you are so opposed on this matter - for it is obvious you otherwise respect and care for each other. As for me... I say what I say because... Because of my own path and experiences." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "When in Sijan... I was a young Exalt, full of conviction and fueled by the fact that what I was doing was right. I fought the dead, yes, but I also fought people - mortals who were opposed to me. I took their lives, many of them, without pause nor respite. It sufficed to me to accomplish my duties, to end the lives of those who deserved it becasue they were on the 'other side'. But the war made me realize your enemy is a living, brething person also. It made me realize I ended a lot of lives improperly, and left me feeling horribly hypocritical... And so I sought to leave all of it behind. I left my post in the convention of Wood, and went on with life, leaving this chapter behind." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "But..." He pauses, unsure of how to go on. "The past never truly disappears, no matter how much one desires it. And so it came back to haunt me... One... One I killed, back then. One I did not send. He came back, empowered by the treachery of the one known as Ten Thousand Virtues. He... almost killed me. But worst of all - he threatened my wife, the most precious thing I have in my life right now." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "This is my battle. I have to face the past once again, and come to terms with it. Make ammends, for it has not forgotten me." He lowers his gaze once more, turning his back to them and gazing at the pyre. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I am sorry if I seem presumptuous. My goal is not to slander any of you, nor to make enemies out of you. I am merely saddened at this conflict that tear you apart... And I am unaware of the history between you, but I am deeply sorry it seems to cause you so much pain, even to this day." He takes a few steps forward, then comes to a stop again, lowering his head before speaking once more. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Think of what we said earlier, however - The only true reason for conflict, and war, is a matter of convictions and beliefs." | ||
+ | |||
+ | He nods once more, then starts heading down the small path. "It was a pleasure meeting you this evening, my ladies. Please be well." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' Her head snaps to the side, she puts a gloved hand to one cheek, looking at her sister balefully, about to say something venomous in return. Repressing the urge to do horrible things to her, as she wants to do to anyone who dares to touch her thus. | ||
+ | |||
+ | Then Alexsei mentions that person, that name. And it hits her. Her eyes unfocus, and she seems to be drawn into another world. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''Ten Thousand Virtues. '' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''golden sword''' | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''ten thousand virtues'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''black walls''' | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''ten thousand virtues'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''pact''' | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''ten thousand virtues'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''pact''' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''pact''' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''pact''' | ||
+ | |||
+ | It echos through her, resonating with...something. Each heartbeat has it sound in her mind again...fading to nothing. She hears the Sidereal's words, her sister's words, they are understood rationally. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "And you, farewell..." She says, rather spaced out from the experience of being ranted at by someone while having her memory place such odd superimpositions on her mind's eye. Selina looks, wide eyed, to her sister. "Uh...um..." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' She stands there, fists on her hips, waiting for an answer. | ||
+ | |||
+ | "Well at least you didn't launch straight into an inane retort. Maybe I've finally made some progress. And look what you did", she gestures at the retreating form of Alexsei, "you scared off the exorcist." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "Dragons' mercy..." Selina growls as her eyes refocus; she blinks a few times, and then directs a long suffering look at her sister. "I think that was both of us, not just me." | ||
+ | |||
+ | "I imagine someday I'm going to come across you and the Pale Angel, dead drunk and complaining about me to each other." She says dryly. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' "Just do me a favour", she almost pleads, "don't act like a monster or a threat to Windia until I'm no longer under orders to terminate you if you become a liability, alright?" | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "Right. Not like I was planning to anyway, except to the bad people trying to kill Windia." Selina nods in affirmation of what she has just said. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Iselsis: ''' She sighs, "Do that after it's no longer my business. I'm going to rest now, yelling at you is tiring." | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''Selina de Windia: ''' "Uh...sure." Selina says with a sigh, then turns around and goes on her way as well. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''Maybe later we can talk...again. '' | ||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | |||
+ | ---- | ||
+ | |||
+ | * - Back to [[GoldenCat/SixthMovement|Sixth Movement]] | ||
+ | * - Back to [[GoldenCat/DanceOfAngels|A Dance of Angels]] |
Revision as of 01:09, 10 August 2006
- - Back to Sixth Movement
- - Back to A Dance of Angels
End of Feelings
Alexsei Krauser: Names... So little compared to a life's story. And yet, one name can also encompass so much - feelings, memories, reminescences.
The quill moves swiftly across the pages his hand moving carefully as to not smudge the fresh ink on the pristine paper. In the quiet winter afternoon he stands, black and violet robes fluttering slightly in the winds as his eyes survey the surroundings. He is silent, taking his time to write each name properly, spending a moment to think upon each and everyone as he lays them on the paper.
It has not been long since the las battle they had waged. And battle brings both joys and sorrows as tears are shed for those departed, and shouts of celebration uttered for those who were alloed to go on. And now is the best time for the Gatekeeper to think upon the losses, as they are still recent, their presence still fresh in his mind - to commit them to memory, that their mark in history never be forgotten.
Even if it had to be only by him.
And in response the pyre burns brightly but quietly, the rising smoke taking away the vessels the departed wore when walking Creation. The crackling of the fire and the faint wind are the only sounds that fill the the afternoon air, the scent of ceremonial incence clinging to the area like a cloak of fragrant smoke.
And so as their bodies disappear, their names are engraved permanently into the Book of the Dead...
Iselsis: The demon girl comes wandering up. Slowly, too slowly for her usual pace. But considering she'd only recently gotten out of a coma, it was to expected she'd take things slow. She was wearing her long black coat, and her scarf. Not her hat; trying to hide who she was had no use here, after the battle. They'd all seen her.
In her hand is a briefcase. A few meters away from Alexsei she sits down on a log, overlooking the pyre and opens it briefly to procure some prayer beads.
Silently she mouths a prayer as a new body is tossed onto the flame. Flicking one of the beads over to the other side.
Alexsei Krauser: He finishes writing another name in the registry, and lifting his head from the book momentarily, his attention focusing back to the world around him. And only when he focuses again does he register the presence of the newcomer sitting close-by,prayer beads in hand... A smile crosses his lips as he turns back to the smoke lifting up to the heavens.
"Ah, welcome, lady Iselsis. It is a pleasure to see you well enough to walk outside again..." He turns towards her once more, resting his quill in the book for a moment as rests his right hand under his left one, helping it to hold the heavy tome. "In times of War, there is much to prepare and plan - idle time is rare and short, as well as infinitely precious."
"I am certain the Fallen appreciate that you have taken some of your precious resting time to come and pay your respects and see them on their way."
Iselsis: She glances over at Alexsei, and fishes a cigarette out of her pocket, blowing on it gently to light the tip. Her hands were shaking slightly, and she puffs on it a few times, rings of smoke escaping her nostrils before she speaks.
"My precious resting time? The only difference between me and the bodies on this pyre is that they weren't fortunate enough to be someone of relative importance. If anything, I owe it to them."
Alexsei Krauser: He smiles at her remark, nodding slowly before turning towards the pyre once more. "There are many who would not think as you do, however. Faceless individuals in a faceless war, casualties as there will always be - that is the feeling of many of us. While losses are unavoidable, it is sometimes much to easy to forget they were not just pawns in a great game, but living, breathing beings, people who fought for what they believed in, up to the point of giving up their very lives for it."
Turning violet eyes back to the demon woman, he smiles once more, tilting his head slightly. "But every one of us who remain is a victory, a celebration of life in the face of the coming conclusion. I am glad you have survived, lady Iselsis - and I know I am not the only one."
He nods slowly, pulling the quill from the book with utmost care and closing it gently before taking a seat across the demon-woman. "I never thanked you properly for the assistance you gave me in that battle, Lady Iselsis. Without the people around me who fought on our side, perhaps it is I who would have been sent on my way on this pyre today."
Iselsis: "I was just doing what I was trained for. There's no need to thank me.", she stares into the flame for a while.
"We're all pawns, you know. Some of us just may not know it yet.", another body, another silent prayer, another bead flicked to the side.
"It's funny really, because I was telling Acelia the other day not to want to be like us. 'Heroes'.", she scoffs at the word, "Like we're somehow more than anyone else. We're not better, smarter or wiser. We don't know what the hell we're doing any more than anyone else does, but just because we were given power we're expected to have all the answers. And so we all pretend that we are the heroes they want us to be, and we stumble along blindly, lying to ourselves and everyone else that we know where we're going."
She falls silent for a moment.
"And if we happen to go the wrong way, people suffer for it, and die. Because they were foolish enough to believe we knew what we were doing, and because we were stupid enough to pretend we did know."
Selina de Windia: "The only difference is power." Comes a voice behind Izabella, behind and to one side. Not a mocking tone, not a smug one. Merely, factual.
"And in the end, what falsehood and truth are, are up to the people who have the most of it." Selina's greatcoat is still unbuttoned, swaying as she walks. She seems more serene now, is if a weight's been taken off of her shoulders. Mostly.
"At least, I thought that, a long time ago."
Alexsei Krauser: He leans back slightly, then pushes his spectacles on the bridge of his nose as he rests one of his hands on his book. For a moment he says nothing, listening carefully to Iselsis' heartfelt words.
"Truer words were never spoken, Lady Iselsis. We... were granted the powers to change the world. And we were also granted the powers to doom it, in our own selfishness and arrogance." He lifts his gaze up to the skies, pausing a moment as he stays in contemplation. "But sometimes this power blinds us also, to the real matters at hand, to the realities of being alive..."
"All of us wish to fight the darkness around us - but this darkness is inside us, breathing and living as we do. We are all monsters - everything lies in the balance, and how we can use this to fight for what we believe in... Or how much we can rein in before our sanity erodes and we become a twisted mockery of what you once were."
He almost starts a the arrival of the other woman - Aine, she was now calling herself - lost as he was in reminescence and reflections. He smiles at her arrival, politely signaling her to take a seat with them. "Why, lady Aine, this is surely an unexpected visit... Please, have a seat, if you fancy staying with us for a while..."
He looks down for a moment then, the words digging into his mind. "In the end, difference of values and opinions is the only real fuel of conflict and war. We cling to what we hold dear, to our own truths, embracing them with our very beings. They make us Gods or Monsters, depending on our actions - and the ones witnessing them. But in the end, we are blindly and desperately grasping at the mythical 'truth'..."
Iselsis: "Well, I sure as hell know it ain't them who got it the right way, as far as truth goes."
She fishes into her pocket again, procuring two more cigs between the tips of her fingers. "Either of you want one?", before glancing at Selina.
"And what do you think now?"
Acelia: "I'll take one." Acelia says, slowly walking towards the Pyre. "I heard a lil' bit of it. And I'd still take the power anyway!" She says as she comes closer to Iselsis, picking the cigarette. "Some fire?"
Iselsis: She gently blows on the tip to light it, just like she did her own. "You only say that because you don't actually have any. It's a catch twenty-two."
Alexsei Krauser: "Oh no thanks for me, lady Iselsis. But thank you deeply for your offer." He smiles at her, then at the newly arrived woman, inclining his head politely to her. "Ah, well hello there, milady. I believe we have not yet met - I am Alexsei Krauser, Funeral Priest and scholar. It is a pleasure to meet you here."
Acelia: "Acelia of Indigo Blooms, from the Boil." She waves the funeral priest, "Hm, saleswoman, nurse, factory worker, spookie-in-training... a little bit of everything, here. Unfortunately, nothing well." Her mismatched eyes blink, and the wind moves her white hair with a melodious symphony, as she takes another puff on her cigarette... "And glad I am alive, to boot. You're all to thank for it, so, thanks!"
Iselsis: *FLICK*, and there she goes, flicking Acelia's nose rather meanly.
"Why didn't you tell me you were a spookie sooner!?"
Alexsei Krauser: "All who participated have played an important role in this battle - whether it was openly visible or not." He gazes to the pyre for a moment, keeping to himself before turning back to the newcomer. "But I am glad to meet you, lady Acelia. You are a friend of lady Iselsis, I can gather?"
Acelia: "Owww! 'Cause I was an errand-girl and office-girl when I applied for them! I also did inventories! Nothin' worth tellin', Ise!"
"And yeah, yeah, I am! She saved my life... some of the gangs after the fight were after me... they lost all the rules after that. Just a bunch of inner-city savages...."
Iselsis: "Well your department might still get pissed at me for stealing one of their agents ... secretaries?"
Acelia: "Eh, they kicked me out waaayyy before we met. Budget cuts. Happens every month with the poor bastards."
Selina de Windia: "Don't want one, no." Selina says, waving it away. She thinks for a moment, listening to them talk, then finally deigns to reply.
"Honestly? It's still true. But it's not an excuse to be a genocidal asshole."
usually
Iselsis: "So that still doesn't explain why you're weird, then."
She glances at Selina, but decides not to say anything, at least for the moment.
Acelia: "Wha, it's an interrogation now? I'm just weird, ok?" She says, puffing more on the cigarette... "Jus' like you!"
Alexsei Krauser: He nods once more then, smiling deeply at the young woman's energy. "I see. Then you are in good hands indeed, lady Acelia."
He looks slighly more serious at Selina's reply, taking in the answer and Iselsis' response as he gazes upon the cover of his book. "Truth is always tinted by the observer's beliefs. There is no such things as complete objectivity in these matters - what is satisfactory for one is not for another. But lady Aine is right - power grants you the ability to surpass your fellow human beings. But that fact in itself is no reason to use this power against them indiscriminately. "
"I pay my respects to the dead here, which is one of my duties - one of the things I do according to my most sacred beliefs. But I have also taken lives for the things I have believed in... Only time will tell if I was right or wrong - or if I was neither. I can only go on... And continue to fight for what I believe in."
Iselsis: "By all rights I shouldn't even be here... war isn't in my job description. I'm not particularly good at it either...", she mouths another prayer, and flicks a bead as a new body goes onto the pyre.
"Too many pyres lately.", she remarks.
Selina de Windia: Selina looks to her sister, raising an eyebrow. "Weird?"
Iselsis: She shrugs, thumbing at Acelia next to her. "She says she's weird by her own admission, but won't tell me how or why. Or maybe can't."
Acelia: "Heeellooooo?!?" She points at her own eyes, "Blue eye and red eye? Snow-white hair?" She puffs from the cigarette, and the smoke coils in weird shapes... "Odd things 'bout me? Normal I ain't. And, you know, neither are you lot."
Selina de Windia: "I thought you meant my 'unmentionables', not what I am." Selina says with some exasperation and embarassment, shrugging in her coat. "If I was normal I'd be fucking some fat, rich merchant in the best brothel Nexus has right now."
"I'm weird cause I swore an oath to the dead gods. And before that, cause I was Anathema."
Iselsis: "We're all weird because we're Chosen of some shape or form. Whats your excuse?", she taps Acelia in the forehead, "Did you ever stop to think maybe you could have some latent inborn powers, or something?"
Acelia: "Being chosen makes you red? And which part turns you into a murderous hag?" She asks of Selina, "I dun have an excuse. Mommy did something nasty with someone, and nine months later, I was here. That's 'bout it!"
Iselsis: "Being chosen can make you red, actually.", she huffs, "It would've been better if you asked if it gave you horns. That answer would be more conclusive."
Acelia: "Then, did it give you horns?"
Selina de Windia: "No, fate and manipulators shitting all over me made me a murderous hag." Selina snorts at her sister and Izabella's companion, then looks to Alexsei. "Have you ever been in the Underworld?"
Iselsis: "And I suspect something very similar to that was what gave me horns, actually. I wasn't bloody born with them, that's for sure."
Acelia: "Er, I meant hag as in shriveled skin, claws, weird voice... you know, before you all flew out of the mountain, that thing you did." She shivers a bit, out of the memory of Hyrokkin alone.
Alexsei Krauser: An oath to the Dead Gods... Those who Dream of the day life in Creation will be unmade. So that is the source of her powers, after all... Then both you and I are...
"'Weird'... We all are, to a certain degree. Only, not always for the obvious reasons. Things are not always so clean-cut. He turns back to Lady Aine, pushing up his spectacles up the bridge of his nose. "You and I for example, Lady Aine - by any standards, we should be enemies. It is inscribed in our very essences." He traces his fingers upon the book, watching it for only a moment before looking at her once more. "Only... Twice now, I have seen you fight by my side to protect things that should not have been destroyed. For all those who have called you a monster, I have seen someone who has fought for the same cause as I. As for me..." He pauses for another moment, gazing at the skies before lowering his gaze back to her. "I am not favored in Heaven for I stand against many of the things my brethren take as the complete and absolute truth. Indeed, looks are often deceptive..."
"Salvation does not always come enshrouded in white."
He shakes his head at her, lowering his gaze - the conversation is, to say the least, strange to him, to have one of the servants of the Malfeans speak so easily and openly of her nature, sitting by a funeral pyre alongside him.
"No, my lady. I have never set foot there. I only know of the place - with the limited knowledge I could gather from it."
Iselsis: "Well, I win anyway...", she stretches languidly before continuing.
"I'm a demonic dragonblooded of air, an exorcist who kills and banishes spirits even though I half am one myself, I can bless a bullet, summon the fires of hell, and sometimes when I least expect it a yozi decides to pop out of my and destroy the scenery."
There, at least that's out in the open now.
"And all this before I'm even twenty years old. Go me."
Selina de Windia: "Stranger things have happened, to be sure." Selina shrugs. "But I've done my share of nasty things. You saw them, didn't you? In my anima. Those people didn't get there by accident."
I put them there.
Each and every one of them.
"But if you would deal with the dead, perhaps you should look upon the thing they have made for themselves. Their vain city of Stygia."
Alexsei Krauser: He smiles to Iselsis, a chuckle escaping his lips at her intervention. "Well, you certainly had a... particular road to travel." Demons inside of you? Living... Inside? Perhaps this should be investigated, in time. "But the question is not how it looks, but how you carry yourself. For all the confusion you muster now, what I see is a young woman who has seen things much beyond what most will ever see, who has gained a wisdom beyond her years."
"I was a slave to my uncle, in the Realm. My parents died of illness, and as one who did not display the blessings of the Dragons, I was seen as an inferior lifeform. Exaltation broke me free from his grasp, and I moved on. I later fought in the East... In Sijan, against the hordes of the dead and the mortals who would serve them." Memories of the Black Chase fill him for a moment, prompting a pause as he recalls everything he has experienced in these crucial years of his existence... "What I have seen there, my laughter and my tears... They shaped me into who I am now. These joys and pains are part of me, just like the memories of the dead are within me... I remember them. Those I send, and... those whose lives I take... I keep their memories close, within me."
"All this to say, what you are is greater than the sum of its parts. All I have said is unimportant - only who you are now, your beliefs, and your convictions. I, for one, for as briefly as I have known you, appreciates you for being Lady Iselsis - nothing more, and nothing less."
He turns back to Aine, nodding slowly at her response, his expression darkening slightly. "I have no doubts you have taken lives, Lady Aine. This... is often a fact we cannot run away. We all deal with it in different manenrs... You... You keep them in your anima. In a way, their memory lives on, within you. I... I write their names here." He rubs the heavy book, filled with names of those who have left Creation for Lethe.
"The dead... are restless, when they are not cut cleanly. A vain city... in the Kingdom of the Dead..."
Sorrows. Pains. Ignored. Forgotten.
"The sight would be... I cannot fathom. Devoured by the strong emotions they once held, those who are taken uncleanly as such are only twisted remnants of their previous selves. A pity... And also a danger, both for those in Creation, and those spirits themselves."
"For those in Creation, because these angry spirits grow resentful of the living. And for the spirits themselves, for in their rage and torment, they forget who they used to be."
Iselsis: Izabella sort of shrinks into her coat at the words of praise. She wasn't used to people talking about her like that. In fact, even when she had done good with the black ops her praise was often mixed with criticism for something or other. Maybe her sheltered life wasn't really good as much as it had been comfortably familiar, after all.
Good thing red skin doesn't blush much.
"Errr, thanks... Alexsei.", is all she manages to say to that. "I just hope my condition gets worse before I can find, yanno... a cure."
Of course she'd been looking all her life, importing volumous and obscure tomes of occult lore, and she'd not come up with a cure yet, despite recently getting a few questions answered.
At the part about her sister taking lives she mumbles under her breath "As long as more don't wind up in there..."
Selina de Windia: "Do you disapprove of that?" She asks Izabella, then returns to Alexsei. "You've heard the stories, I'm willing to bet." The Windian responds, moving a wing forward, running her hand over the black feathers. "You should see the Underworld, sometime. It is a monument to futility, because that is all the dead have left. Memories and vain hopes and desires. And hunger. Stygia is the center of that hunger."
"Because below Stygia is where Oblivion resides."
Iselsis: She glares at Selina now.
"Fine, you asked for it. Yes, yes I disapprove. You know what, if you stopped killing people and swallowing them into your anima, at least the good ones and kept acting the way you are otherwise you might actually having a shot at redeeming yourself. Which would be a nice thing."
Selina de Windia: "I try not to eat the good ones!" Selina says, holding up her hands in half-mock supplication. "But when someone ditches you it's hard to not be pissed off at them."
Alexsei Krauser: He is not sure if he is to step into the argument - after all, both of them seemed to know wach other pretty well, and he would risk offending them or talking about things he did not fully understand if he spoke now.
To Selina, he nods, thoughtful at the words. "I have, indeed. It is difficult to separate the facts from the rumors, as what is actually known of the Underworld is very small and insignificant. But eventually..." He looks at the pyre, the souls sent without pain or regret, on to the next life... "Eventually, perhaps I will see this city with my own eyes, lady Aine."
Iselsis: "That's not funny!", she spits out at her older sister.
Selina de Windia: "No, it's not really funny, that is true. But you get messed up in the head after a decade of doing...stuff." She shrugs.
All kinds of...stuff.
"I could arrange for a visit." Selina replies to Alexsei. "Though after the war is over, right now it would be too easy for the Bishop to kill us all there."
Iselsis: She just shakes her head, already starting to regret what she told... well, herself, in her dream before.
Alexsei Krauser: He has trouble hiding his amusement at the exchange, even though the subject matter is very serious. But he learned, years ago, when serving in Sijan, that laughter is sometimes the only thing that aloows one to keep his sanity.
"Then perhaps we should arrange this, when the time comes..." He nods to Aine, a smile forming once agian on his lips. "Though I agree about the war taking priority - I do not know about the Bishop's reach in the Underworld, but the matters are pressing us to stay here, where we can make a difference. But when the time comes... Perhaps we can speak of this again."
He turns back to Iselsis, then, still smiling at her. "You are obviously worried about your friend here, I can tell. And that is a completely valid feeling." He peers at the book in his lap, reminescing as he talks. "I myself did things I was not proud of before, and... Well, I tried to shut these things away, to deny who I am. But we are more than one picture, one surface telling only one story. As I said before... We are all struggling with the Monster within, all in our own ways. You, myself... And Lady Aine also, I am pretty sure."
"We all struggle for what we believe in, and fight in the ways we know of - even when it means fighting ourselves."
Iselsis: Ise could say a dozen things to that, but instead she chose to say nothing again. That is, until someone tempted her to.
Selina de Windia: Selina nods, then joins the Sidereal in looking at her sister, cocking an eyebrow at the girl (woman?). "Did I say something wrong?"
Iselsis: "Don't tempt me."
Selina de Windia: Selina could find a hundred little things to divert the conversation back to something which was more pleasant. A thousand. But really, that will not change the problem.
"I will not redeem myself," She says slowly, beginning. "Because I have not forgiven myself for what I did." Turquoise eyes narrow, harden with hate turned inward. Seething, festering self-loathing. "And until the day I do, there is little point in going through the motions of redemption."
Iselsis: "Well maybe you need to start working on that then. Or see a freaking priest or something, because I'll tell you one thing; the world doesn't care about what happened in the past, they care about what you are now, and if you don't start changing that then you might force me into doing something I will have to find some way to forgive myself for."
She gets up angrily, "Maybe you need to finish this self pity trip you've been on all this time and get over it. They're dead and we're still here except you insist on making everything hard all over again for things that are in the past!"
Selina de Windia: Mistress, kill me now.
She could say something about irony, but that would just turn the entire thing into a...problem. Yes. A problem.
Instead, she nods at Alexsei again. "Ask Alexsei how easily forgiveness comes from the self, sometimes. Not that I'm saying it's a good thing."
Alexsei Krauser: He looks back at the black-feathered lady, then at the outburst the other woman displays. He says nothing for a moment, turning back to the pyre to wath the Rising Smoke once more.
"The past is done, but the past existed. Amazingly both of you seem to display different sides of one self. No wonder you seem to clash, even though you also seem to care for each other..." He looks back at Aine for a moment while she addresses him, and something in her eyes then...
Understanding. Whoever she is, and whatever she has done, she has lived through a lot.
"Sadly, often redemption is easier awarded by others than by oneself, as lady Aine has mentionned. It stems from the very desire to be up to one's own expectations, and the fall is sometimes... Difficult to climb from." He nods to the Dark Angel again, a note of understanding in his eyes - this time for her What had actually happened to her, or him, it does not matter - the feelings that stem from them are, and that is something he knows. "The most difficult forgiveness to win is forgiveness that comes from oneself."
He turns back to Iselsis then, eyes filled with something akin to... compassion? He speaks slowly, almost not bearing to look at her as he says so. "I hope I do not anger you if I say such things, lady Iselsis. But I understand, on a basic level, what lady Aine speaks of. And please, I beg of you, you must not hate her for it. This is a fight she must face on her own, a demon that has to be conquered as surely as one you would fight with swords of bullets. Only, this one takes time and patience to overcome, and so the fight is over."
"Already, I can tell you have a lot of strenght of character and a strong will, lady Iselsis. If lady Aine is your friend... Then by all means, stand by her. You display your strenght differently, and sometimes it is a great asset to have allies on one's side. Perhaps it makes no sense to you... It is not a good thing, like your friend said...But rest assured - it is a battle of will, and not one easily won..."
He falls silent then, lowering his eyes for a moment, wondering if he overstep his obundaries.
Selina de Windia: "What about using your dread power to annihilate things more horrible and repulsive then you?" Selina asks her sister, after the Sidereal has said his part, somewhat guardedly.
Iselsis: "Well how would you feel if someone's self pity was forcing your hand, huh? I'm finally getting somewhere with my life that isn't horrible and depressing and lonely. And now she pops up and threatens to ruin everything because she feels sorry for herself. There isn't any bloody time, and I will not have her throw my entire life into another 15 years of disarray because she can't get over what happened! I have things a lot more immediate to deal with!"
She glances back at Selina then, "You could do that if you got better too. I'm stronger because a yozi decided to snack on my soul, but do you see me embracing it just so I can kill things better? Fine, use your twisted power for good things, just stop acting like you're half a normal person and half revelling in the bloody monstrosity! Not only does it put me in a bad position, it's also just really grating in and of itself."
Selina de Windia: "So basically, you want to just forget it ever happened instead of coming to terms with it, covering it up and fearing in the back of your mind that something will dredge it up and you'll remember it all. You think I haven't tried that?"
Selina narrows her eyes at her sister, though the self hate is disintegrating. In it's place is an odd sort of -- almost motherly -- indignation. "He's right you know. The easy way is to do that. But that will get you nothing in the end. You'll still be sitting in the same malfeas-cursed hole, with dirt shoveled on the part you don't want to remember."
Iselsis: *SLAP!*
And that was her immediate answer to that. She clenches her fists at her sides and nearly trembles with barely restrained rage at her sister.
"What the hell do you know about easy! About pretending it never happened! It happened and I watched them die at your hands, and here I am trying to forgive you while you act like a bitch to me all the time!"
"I was broken, I still am broken, because of what happened! But I managed to find a new purpose and a new life and move on, which is more than I can say about YOU!"
"It was really hard and most times I was angry and lonely and depressed and just drifting through life, but I got over it and even found a measure of happiness despite what you did, until you decided to pop back into my life and ruin it all over again!"
"Don't you bloody well lecture ME about the easy way out, you self conceited, whiny little tramp!"
Alexsei Krauser: He lowers his head then, uncertain about participating in a feud between friends. He stands up, clutching the book to himself as he looks to the both of them.
"I... I do not wish to interfere in your conflict. I find it saddening that the both of you are so opposed on this matter - for it is obvious you otherwise respect and care for each other. As for me... I say what I say because... Because of my own path and experiences."
"When in Sijan... I was a young Exalt, full of conviction and fueled by the fact that what I was doing was right. I fought the dead, yes, but I also fought people - mortals who were opposed to me. I took their lives, many of them, without pause nor respite. It sufficed to me to accomplish my duties, to end the lives of those who deserved it becasue they were on the 'other side'. But the war made me realize your enemy is a living, brething person also. It made me realize I ended a lot of lives improperly, and left me feeling horribly hypocritical... And so I sought to leave all of it behind. I left my post in the convention of Wood, and went on with life, leaving this chapter behind."
"But..." He pauses, unsure of how to go on. "The past never truly disappears, no matter how much one desires it. And so it came back to haunt me... One... One I killed, back then. One I did not send. He came back, empowered by the treachery of the one known as Ten Thousand Virtues. He... almost killed me. But worst of all - he threatened my wife, the most precious thing I have in my life right now."
"This is my battle. I have to face the past once again, and come to terms with it. Make ammends, for it has not forgotten me." He lowers his gaze once more, turning his back to them and gazing at the pyre.
"I am sorry if I seem presumptuous. My goal is not to slander any of you, nor to make enemies out of you. I am merely saddened at this conflict that tear you apart... And I am unaware of the history between you, but I am deeply sorry it seems to cause you so much pain, even to this day." He takes a few steps forward, then comes to a stop again, lowering his head before speaking once more.
"Think of what we said earlier, however - The only true reason for conflict, and war, is a matter of convictions and beliefs."
He nods once more, then starts heading down the small path. "It was a pleasure meeting you this evening, my ladies. Please be well."
Selina de Windia: Her head snaps to the side, she puts a gloved hand to one cheek, looking at her sister balefully, about to say something venomous in return. Repressing the urge to do horrible things to her, as she wants to do to anyone who dares to touch her thus.
Then Alexsei mentions that person, that name. And it hits her. Her eyes unfocus, and she seems to be drawn into another world.
Ten Thousand Virtues.
golden sword
ten thousand virtues
black walls
ten thousand virtues
pact
ten thousand virtues
pact
pact
pact
It echos through her, resonating with...something. Each heartbeat has it sound in her mind again...fading to nothing. She hears the Sidereal's words, her sister's words, they are understood rationally.
"And you, farewell..." She says, rather spaced out from the experience of being ranted at by someone while having her memory place such odd superimpositions on her mind's eye. Selina looks, wide eyed, to her sister. "Uh...um..."
Iselsis: She stands there, fists on her hips, waiting for an answer.
"Well at least you didn't launch straight into an inane retort. Maybe I've finally made some progress. And look what you did", she gestures at the retreating form of Alexsei, "you scared off the exorcist."
Selina de Windia: "Dragons' mercy..." Selina growls as her eyes refocus; she blinks a few times, and then directs a long suffering look at her sister. "I think that was both of us, not just me."
"I imagine someday I'm going to come across you and the Pale Angel, dead drunk and complaining about me to each other." She says dryly.
Iselsis: "Just do me a favour", she almost pleads, "don't act like a monster or a threat to Windia until I'm no longer under orders to terminate you if you become a liability, alright?"
Selina de Windia: "Right. Not like I was planning to anyway, except to the bad people trying to kill Windia." Selina nods in affirmation of what she has just said.
Iselsis: She sighs, "Do that after it's no longer my business. I'm going to rest now, yelling at you is tiring."
Selina de Windia: "Uh...sure." Selina says with a sigh, then turns around and goes on her way as well.
Maybe later we can talk...again.
- - Back to Sixth Movement
- - Back to A Dance of Angels