Difference between revisions of "GoldenCat/ShadesOfEventide093"

Revision as of 02:36, 19 August 2006

• - Back to Sixth Movement
• - Back to A Dance of Angels

Teacher and Student

Ryshassa: The hour is well past dusk now, the stars shining starkly against a cold, clear night sky above the partially ruined cityscape of Spire. The Zephyr is set to depart early the next day, so Ryshassa has moved several of her belongings out of the airship and into their room in the Palace of Timeless Winters. It is here that she and Alexsei relax now, conversing as they prepare to sleep for the night -- their first night sleeping together in the Palace itself, and their last night together for a few days, at least.

Ryshassa sits at the edge of a canopied bed, atop an icy blue bedspread embroidered with winter roses, her freshly washed hair laid over her shoulder as she brushes it with long, slow strokes. She is clad in a gauzy lavender kimono that serves as a sleeping gown, embroidered with white lilies and tied around the waist with a matching sash that wraps several times around to tie in a bow around the front. A contented hum escapes her lips as she works out the tangles in her dark tresses, so absorbed in the task she seems to be lost in her own world.

There is a small crimson ceramic bottle filled with sake at the center of the nearby circular table, painted with autumn leaves across its surface. Two wide, shallow receptacles shaped more like dishes than cups rest nearby it, the exterior the same autumnal crimson while the inside is lacquered black as night.

Alexsei Krauser: Clad in a plain, comfortable black kimono fastened with a silken belt of the same black fastened elegantly in the front, Alexsei walks by his wife, a smile on his lips as he witnesses her humming to herself so contentedly. He walks silently up to the circular table, kneeling besides it slowly before smoothing the kimono, still staring at the woman sitting on the bed.

He tilts his head slightly, an amused smile on his lips. "Perhaps I would have said something earlier, but I would have been worried to make you jump... You look caught in a wonderful land." He chuckles, grabbing one of the cups - Ryshassa's, if one would take the time to read the symbols masterfully and elegantly brushed near the bottom of the flat container - and raises it slightly, towards his beloved.

"Would you care for a late night drink, Belladonna?"

Ryshassa: Ryshassa smiles up at her husband, her hand pausing mid brush-stroke... she was about at 92 by now, so her hundred strokes were almost done. "Of course, beloved, I would love it. I'll be just a little bit longer." Her eyes linger on him a moment longer, taking in the lines of his lithe body draped by the dark silk, expressing without words that she very much enjoys the sight of him.

Eight more diligent passes with the brush, and she lays the hairbrush -- golden with amethyst butterfly inlays -- atop the bedside table. Still perched atop the bed, she folds her hands gracefully in her lap and watches intently as Alexsei begins to pour for the both of them. "How was your day? I take it your preparations are complete, for... the trip..." A small pang hits her stomach as the realization of his imminent departure begins to sink in again. Most of the time, she has had little time to think of it, kept busy with her healing duties mixed in with the odd distracting event or meeting.

Of course, it should not make her feel so apprehensive. It is not the first time Alexsei has had to leave her to her own devices, called away (not very willingly, as far as she can remember) by duty or obligation by the Bureau of Destiny. But that had been while she was still living in Gethamane, when her life was still sheltered and secure.

Alexsei Krauser: He smiles warmly then, gently grabbing the small bottle and pouring her a cup, that he hands her once it is filled. "Here..." he says, his eyes lingering on her also, for a moment unable to detach his gaze from her form. He finally looks back down to the table as he grabs a cup, however, running his free hand in his raven hair. "Ah... it was a bit dreary, but that is the make of most of my trips to heaven." He lets out a sigh that betrays his distaste for some of the aspects of being an agent of the Bureau of Destiny - a sigh he would not have let out unless he was alone with her.

"... Even if this time, I will go on to meet a good friend once more. I... hope Laisdach's counsel will bring some wisdom to me. I have brushed with death one time too many these days, and... You have, also, in the Battle to liberate the Spire. And so... I have to find back a part of myself..."

A part that I lost. A part I am afraid of. A part I ran from. And what if... What if you lose respect in me, when you see it? What if you lose faith in me?

And yet... Even if that is the Price to pay I... I will protect you.

Not becasue you are unable to yourself, but because it is my desire, as your teacher and your lover.

He needs not voice the thoughts that filter though his head. They go straight to her, through the rngs he had crafted upon their wedding day, their direct conduits into each other's thoughts and feelings. It was their way to promise each other there would never be any secrets to stand between them.

"I am apprehensive also." He finally says, echoing her own feelings as he finishes pouring his own cup, and takes a sip from it. "I... never like to be away from you for too long. But... You have a life that is your own now. You have duties and tasks you will want to attend to... And..."

"I will come back to your side swiftly, Belladonna. I Promise."

He takes a sip from his cup, sitting on the bed next to her - the moment was still theirs, and he would not cloud it with too much feelings of bitter partings. He would enjoy this evening with her, and he refused to have it tinted with regret at every sentence. And so his smile comes back on his lips as he brings the cup to his lips once more, one hand resting on the baed to maitain the balance of his body, leaning slightly backwards.

"And how was your day, my spring blossom?"

Ryshassa: Ryshassa takes her cup gratefully, allowing her fingers to brush gently against her husband's as he offers it to her. She scoots closer to him as he sits down, close enough that their thighs and arms touch, and rests her head against his shoulder a moment. "Beloved..." She turns her head, kissing his cheek, then the lobe of his ear, her breath warm and inviting against his skin. "I do not think you could make me lose respect for you. If you must be nervous, let it not be for such a supposition."

The healer lifts her head, still pressing her body close to his as she takes a slow, savoring sip of her sake. "I know my work here will keep me busy. So many Exalts gathered in the same place, and in an ancient and enigmatic locale just barely resealed of its dangers... it does lend towards much potential for injury." She does not have to explain about how busy she has been these past several days, as Alexsei has seen with his own eyes -- and soothed with his own hands -- the signs of her weariness, which she tries so diligently to hide from others.

"I have been doing my best to speak personally with the other members of the Circle, as well. And there will be the lessons with Cael, when he returns..." There is, just barely, a brief spike of guilt from the rings when Ryshassa mentions Cael. But nothing more than that. "And today... oh, it was mostly business as usual, but I got to speak with the Dark Angel tonight!" As Ryshassa brings this up, a flash of enthusiasm lights up her almond-shaped eyes, washing away the miniscule guilt with a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Alexsei Krauser: He smiles soflty as he listens to his wife's soothing voice, bringing the cup to his lips once more as he wraps his loose arm around her.

He says nothing at the pang of guilt that shoots through her. He merely listens in silence as she talks of her projects and plans, and the guilt at the mention of her lessons with Cael would not have him make her feel worse. Ryshassa was finally making her own choices and carving her own path - her choice of a teacher was her own, and it was hers to decide upon.

Still, perhaps there is always a wistful feeling for the teacher to see his favored student move on to be educated by someone else. Perhaps the melancholy wind that brgouht change. And like the wind he pushes the feeling aside, knowing she would feel it through his very being.

He lifts an eyebrow at Ryshassa's mention of the Dark Angel, and tilts his head in curiosity. "Ah, really? So the two of you have spoken some more? And from the sound in your voice, I can tell it was a pleasant exchange... I am glad."

Ryshassa: Ryshassa feels the hint of wistfulness, too, and switches her sake cup to her other hand so she might stroke Alexsei's hand in hers. Slowly, gently, soothingly, As she does so, running her fingers back and forth in the grooves between his, she continues to talk animatedly about her meeting with the the Dark Angel.

"Oh, I had finished for the day in the infirmary, and went outside looking for a place with suitable acoustics to practice my lyre. Don't worry, beloved," she interjects preemptively to the concerned look she knows will come, "I did not stray very far from the populated areas. In any case, I found an old, abandoned church. It had been desecrated, and its valuables stolen, but the rest was more or less intact. So I sat and I played... it was beautiful playing there, as the sunset faded towards twilight and filtered through the stained glass windows..."

Her rambling pauses for a moment as she reminisces on this, before she realizes belatedly she hadn't even gotten to the part Alexsei asked her. Blushing slightly, but still talking with the same enthusiasm as before, she continues. "Well, lady Aine came looking for me. Apparently she had been worried that I might delve too deeply into Iselsis's mind in an attempt to heal her, and be hurt or otherwise affected by Adorjan. We talked about other things, too. About trust and healing and destruction and some of our Circlemates, too. Oh, and about the Realm... she did not know I was raised there. And about our respective sisters, as well."

Any mention about Atmadja, of course, brought the question deep inside her about how her younger sister is faring, and what she might think of Ryshassa as a Solar.

Alexsei Krauser: He listens carefully, resting the cup rarefully in his hand as he gazes into the distance, listening to Ryshassa's recollection of the conversation she had in the day.

"I see... It seems like lady Aine was worried about you. With something like Adjoran afoot, I cannot say I blame her... Especially when it is supposedly something that is inside her very sister..."

He nods at Ryshassa's mention of the other topics they have brought up during their talk, and rubs her arm lovingly, pulling her close to him that her head might rest on his shoulder. "It is very good that you ladies have gotten to talk about such topics... you do not usually speak of it much with people other than me. I am glad... Glad that you are blooming into the flower you were meant to be..."

Reminescence fills his eyes as he recalls the Realm, and their subsequent escape from it. "I still remember... Maidens, you were still a frail little child - so scared and apprehensive." He shakes his head, letting himself think of Atmadja and her role in Ryshassa's history...

"Your sister is doing fine, I am sure. Iluun is with her, and if anything dire would have happened, he would have come to me. He has a way with travel, after all..." He smiles, genlty laying a kiss in Ryshassa's fragrant hair. "Your sister will find you, sooner or later. And no matter what conceptions she might have about those of your nature... I am faith that the bond between you will help her see better than the appearances, and what she has been taught."

Ryshassa: Ryshassa leans into her husband's caresses with a contented purr of satisfaction. She has always enjoyed his affection for her, even before they were husband and wife and she was still a child to him, closing her eyes and pretending to sleep when he came to her room to watch over her. Feeling his hand on her cheek, brushing back her hair, wishing that she could show herself to be awake and be drawn into her teacher's warm embrace...

Times have changed since then. He used to be so afraid to touch her, thinking it a sin, thinking he would be taking advantage of her by indulging in his own desire for her. Now she savors every moment that he touches her, from the gentle, loving caresses to the tight grip of his hand tugging her hair back, his fingers digging into her hips as he takes her... Realizing her thoughts have meandered into the realm of the lustful, Ryshassa smiles sheepishly and returns her attention now to Alexsei's words.

"I think that lady Aine likes me," she says happily, and somewhat breathlessly, considering her recent mental tangent. The telltale breathlessness recedes, though, as she resumes her musings about the Dark Angel. "I really hope we can be friends. I like her. I don't know why, but I like her. I know she is convinced she is monstrous and she has killed and eaten people and enjoyed it. But I feel no menace from her when I am near her. I feel like she is a kind person driven into extremes by circumstances."

"I feel like..." Ryshassa pauses then, taking another longer sip of her sake, mulling for the words with which to express her latest sentiment. "Like she needs someone to validate that she is still good inside despite what she has done. And I think I can do that. Is that an odd feeling to have?" she asks curiously.

Alexsei Krauser: He says nothing at the reminescence he feels within her, this feeling arising within her very self that he has come to recognize - and grow fond of. His grip on her only tightens slighty - an affectionate and passionate grip she would also have come to recognize... He gazes down at her, and then smiles when his beloved speaks once more of her conversation, and the feelings that have arisen out of it.

"I am really happy then - I know how important it is for you, not to earn someone's distaste. And Lady Aine is one who constantly fights with her past... And in the end, she will have to face her own demons with her own strength. But... Having allies along the way always help. I am sure you do know that also, Ryshassa."

He smiles at her deeply, nodding in approval as she speaks of her feelings towards the whole affair. "Ah yes... I can totally understand this feeling, Ryshassa. To try to help someone realize their potential, their value, while they hold a very little esteem of themselves... That is a very difficult battle, but one with merit. I would be hard pressed to judge you for wanting to accomplish such a thing..." He twirls the cup in his hand, taking another sip of the fragrant liquid as he smiles, softly...

Ryshassa: "Yes," Ryshassa says, her eyes taking on a longing cast that Alexsei too recognizes as a precursor to passion, "I very much want people to like me. To... approve of me. I know I should be able to find approval within myself, and not always need others to give it, but it is difficult. It is so difficult."

And for a moment her thoughts take another tangent entirely. Flashes of memory from her distant past, as the subservient girl so willing and desperate to please that she would demean herself -- or allow herself to be demeaned -- without a thought. Thoughts of the Vestal arise as well, as she is the catalyst that has brought these memories to the forefront as of late.

Suddenly shameful to have ruined their tender moment with such thoughts, Ryshassa nearly jerks away from Alexsei's arm, but finally stays put, turning her head aside for a moment. A curtain of hair blocks the healer's face from her husband's view, and thus shielded, she quietly drains the rest of her cup to calm herself before speaking again.

"Maybe that is why... because I understand lady Aine, at least a little? But I should not make suppositions. Her life has been so different from mine. I want so much to understand others, to show my support of them, but sometimes... it backfires. I wonder whether the Pale Angel will ever like me... I wonder why anyone likes me, except for what I can give them."

Alexsei Krauser: "I know, beloved..." His eyes are downcast now, as not to bring more shame to her - something he learned with the years by her side, while she wanted to hide from his view and take her shame with her...

The thoguhts, of course, filter through him, but he would not have needed the ring to know where her thoughts would stray. He can only offer a concerned look and a warm embrace, for in the end, just like with lady Aine, she had to battle her own demons alone.

But that does not mean he has to like it.

"That is a question for the ages indeed, Ryshassa... And one everyone is bound to ask, sooner or later in their lives... And not very easy to answer." He smiles, scooting back onto the bed and softly dragging Ryshassa with him, resting the two cups on the nearby table and resting both of their backs on the pillows piled at the head of the bed. "It might jnot be wasy to answer for you, since you think so little of yourself. But try to think of why you like me, for example..."

"The answer is not quite that easy to figure out, is it?" He pauses, enfolding his wife in a warm embrace with both arms as he continues to speak to her. "That is becasue in the end, love and friendship are things that are not so easily rationalized. In the end, to answer your question... People love you becasue you are, indeed, you."

He smiles at her then, and lets his love for her be expressed, without words, without the need for the ring. Only the strong emotion she felt emanating from him, even back then, when she was but a student in his custody...

Ryshassa: Pulled close to Alexsei this way, lying with him atop the bed embroidered with winter roses, Ryshassa instinctively curls close to him. Her head nestles between his neck and shoulder, while her arm circles around him to touch the opposite shoulder, and her leg curls around to hug one of his. Thus embracing him, she presses close, shivering as if taking comfort from a chill that she alone feels.

Muffled in this position, she speaks purely by thought, straight into Alexsei's mind. But I don't like who I am... it's all a lie. I don't like myself at all. I only do things that make me liked because I want people's attention. Because I want my existence validated. A sob wrenches from her lips, and the hand touching his shoulder tightens, her tears warm and wet upon the black silk he wears. What value is in that? Once my usefulness is over no one will want me... no one... no one at all.

Maybe when my sister meets me she will come to kill me... and maybe I shouldn't stop her, hmm? Maybe I shouldn't stop the Hunt from killing me. Maybe I was supposed to die there. Maybe I should have died there.

Her thoughts are becoming more and more hysterical and desperately sad, as she cries helplessly against her husband's shoulder.

Alexsei Krauser: He holds her against him, trying to comfort her with his warmth where his words have always failed... And he feels it. This knot in his heart. Undeniable failure at helping her to find some value in her own existence. Years after, the thought was still there - the thought that she should have died, that she should have remained on the Blessed Island to have been killed.

What would have become of him, then? To spend an existence looking for what makes him whole, never to find it. Perhaps he would have stayed in the East, or would have been part of another war, elsewhere, away from prying eyes... Perhaps he also would have died there, alone and forgotten, his goal never even close to his grasp.

Instead, he had found something else in him. She had saved him, small form in his arms carried over from the Blessed Isle to the cold north, frightened and near-catatonic. She was voiceless and broken, acars running deep within her where her heart should have been. She was alone, fearful, hating what she had become, and he strived to bring comfort and purpose to her, tried to help her bloom into the beautiful flower she should have been, should the soil in which she was planted had been more adequate to her growth.

He had tried to teach her how to be herself, and why it should be celebrated.

Some teacher he is.

And the knot is only amplifying at the thought of him leaving her, for business in Heaven that suddenly look so unimportant and secondary. But everything was in place... And he had to go. A broken sigh escapes his lips as he realizes they are about to be separated, and for a moment the thought breaks his heart. But his thoughts wander to the people that now surround her, and he wills himself to calm at this idea.

Perhaps, then... They will succeed where I have failed.
This old man might have finally outlived his usefulness.

And yet he still holds her tightly in his arms, refusing to let her go. In these moments she looked so fragile and hurt... And he would not abandon her. But soon... Soon... He would be gone.

Perhaps in the end, it is your trust in me that is misplaced, Ryshassa...

And a single tear rolls down his cheek, a single clash of thunder against the calm skies of his features.

Ryshassa: Feeling these guilty, helpless, confused emotions rise up inside Alexsei, Ryshassa finds herself struck with the idea that she is being totally and utterly selfish. These feelings of negativity only hurt other people when she shows them. Every time she thinks she wishes to die, it drives another nail into her beloved's heart, who has devoted so much of his life since saving her to put an end to such thoughts. Every time she gives into her fears of being useless or unliked, she only paves the way for such fears to become true, simply by believing in them.

I can't be this weak... I can't be! For a moment she goes rigid in Alexsei's arms, willing away the uncontrollable shaking of her body, the despair that threatens to choke her from within, the doubting thoughts that whisper over and over that she is truly unworthy of anyone's respect. I won't let you down, beloved... I'm sorry I was weak... I won't let you down, I won't give in so easily, so please don't worry, please don't blame yourself, please...

"Besides," Ryshassa whispers, as her head falls back onto the pillow, giving her some space to breathe. "Lady Aine likes me, right? And you love me with all your heart... and... and Alexander trusts me to be a part of his Circle. So it will be all right. Right? No, you don't have to tell me. It will be all right." She looks very much like she is giving every last ounce of willpower she has to convince herself of that, to believe it so much it becomes truth. Her hands wipe stubbornly at her tears as the ache in her throat subsides.

"I will not be a liability... especially not to you, beloved. Go seek what you must in Heaven. I will find my way... I..."

She swallows, taking a deep and shuddering breath to calm herself.

"I promise."

Alexsei Krauser: The knot is still around, clenching at his heart... But it recedes at least a little. Enough for him to display a smile to her, and to caress her hair, and to kiss her forehead, where the mark of her Exaltation sometimes shines.

"Beloved..." He begins, his voice slightly choked as he grits his teeth momentarily to will the sound to steady itself. "You are stronger than anyone could imagine." He finally says, barely above a whsper.

"Anyone. Even Yourself."

He takes in a deep breath, willing himself to calm as he continues on his thought. "The others... They appreciate you becasue they see what you do not. Just like I do." He pauses, the smile still on his lips, his fingers twining in her hair. "You... do not exist in a vaccuum, anymore, beloved. There are people around you, who have touched you from near or far... For better or worse, your existence is set now."

"This journey is yours... I will be there with you, everystep along the way... But in the end... you must do this..."

"For yourself."

Ryshassa: "I know..." Ryshassa says, and with a touch of a different sort of sadness, remembering that they will be parting soon. She rises to her knees, her hair spilling down behind her, and slowly unwinds the sash from her waist, shrugging away the lavender gauze. Bared to him, she mounts him slowly and sensuously, laying down across his chest so that she can press her lips against it. Right aboe the heart, where she can feel that tight, apprehensive knot as easily as if is her own.

"I am not always a good student," she continues to murmur softly, lifting up to her hands and knees again, gazing down at her husband from directly above him. Around them her hair cascades, a second canopy of dark, silken strands beneath the creamy lace one of their bed. "But I will do my best to understand and take to heart your words. It is difficult... like I said. When you learned to hate yourself before you were taught what it meant to be loved... it is difficult. But I do not want to put all your efforts to waste. I do not want to put the faith others have in me to waste."

"You will worry about me anyway... I know that. Just like I will have these moments of self-loathing at times. They are hard to stop once they start. I thought I deserved to die, when you took me away... I remember... when you had to stop me..." And indeed there were times such as these, the young, fifteen year old Ryshassa struggling to draw the knife to her throat, as her teacher held her wrist fast and pressed the point that would force her to release it...

"But if I were so easily broken, then I would not have been Chosen, to bear this wonderful gift, to help people live and thrive. So I will hold that close to me... I will hold the thought of you close to me, as well. My husband, my Blackwing, my lover through the ages..." Her head dips closer, lower, and then he tastes her lips upon his, still flavored with sake and tears.

Alexsei Krauser: And he unwraps the sach of his own kimono before wrapping his arms around her, letting her feel the quiet baze of his skin against her, pressing her head against his chest. His heart beats slower now, more deliberately, right against her ear...

"No, you will not be so easily broken. You were Chosen because you have talents that are rare among men and women of Creation, Ryshassa... It is a big responsibility, but at the same time it is a gift... And I know you have what it takes to honor it, my spring blossom." His hands brush delicately at her back, then, warm and gentle. His fingers trace the curve of her hips and the small of her back, saying more than words ever could.

"I still pray to the Maidens they never return, the days where I would have to fight you for you to keep living... But you have more of a foothold in your own life now. You still get these... pangs... But I am glad you manage to stay strong. And I am proud of you, Ryshassa, no matter how many times you say you are a bad student. I am proud of you and of your achievements, both in your chosen career and in your life proper."

He kisses her head again, shivering at the feel of her skin on his, of her pale curves pressed agains his own almost bared body. "And I will keep you close to my heart, Lady Ryshassa Krauser, whose dreamy voice cradles the weight of my dreams. I will keep you in my thoughts and my memories, you who I love and have loved..."

"Again and again..."

Ryshassa: Again and again...

It feels so real and so comforting, to hear such sentiment from her beloved's lips. It is not the moon that draws her eye after the sun descends from the horizon, but the expanse of stars in the sky, often inscrutable, often enigmatic in their patterns or lack of it, yet... still constant, little pinpoints of light making the expanse of the heavens more beautiful and breathtaking and alluring to the eye than it might have been otherwise. And her star, caught between her legs and beneath the weight of her body, caught in her arms and in her heart. All hers.

She enjoys the sensation of Alexsei's shivers, of his fingers caressing her hips and back so possessively. Her lips trail downward once more, pressing against the side of his neck where she knows it pleases him most. Her hands grasp at his shoulders, sliding beneath them...

...and suddenly she is falling onto her back, pulling him, guiding him as she turns so that he rights himself directly above her, freed completely from the cloth of his kimono. Her eyes are dusky and desirous as she gazes up at him, trapped now as he once was beneath her. Her pale skin is flushed, her chest rising and falling with breathless abandon. She is displayed to him. Spread open for him. A flower willing and ready to be plucked with the utmost care... or the most heated of passion.

"Then show me... show me how you will keep me... for I am yours as you are mine. Show me a memory that will warm me as I await your return."

Her eyes are violet embers. "Show me, my teacher." My one true teacher.

Alexsei Krauser: His eyes never leave hers as she leads him, atop her, and he is left to contemplate her, lying under him, not the vulnerable, broken girl he spirited away from a home that hated her - but a woman, a woman who knows of her own desires, of her own passions and her own wants...

Just like a multi-hued butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, just like the child becomeing a woman with him, when she finally expressed aloud her feelings for him... And his violet eyes mirror hers, taking in all of the splendors of her bared body as she breathes heavily in anticipation. She is his... And he is hers. And in this moment he knows no greater truth, no greater matter - nothing that would have more importance that this single statement, a statement he would act upon and enjoy, for its beauty, for him, knows no equal.

his hands slides upon her shoulders, as his hair slither over one of his shoulder, jet black waterfall brushing gently against one of her arms, as he presses himself against her, a torrent of quiet intensity so masterfully contained... And she is the one stormbringer to unleash the fires he harbors within, that he often tempers and keeps in check, that he has grown to be able to control...

But not with her.

His skin is boiling against hers, and he does not need to voice the words for her to understand the extent of his unbridled passion, of his ravenous apetite for her. His face burries in her neck, and he finally allows himself to partake in her, to drink fully and hungrily of the cup she offers him... And feeding her in return.

Let me show you, my beloved student... My one true student.

And morning is still so far away...

• - Back to Sixth Movement
• - Back to A Dance of Angels