Punslinger/ExaltedDrinkingSong - Revision history

68.223.108.133: /* Exalted Drinking Song */

2010-08-18T04:45:30Z

‎Exalted Drinking Song

Pool-71-105-3-253.lsanca.dsl-w.verizon.net: *

2006-01-29T10:47:23Z

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== Exalted Drinking Song ==

The concept here was to write about all the PC's and many of the major NPC's in the games I've run and played in over the years. Many of them can be found on this site, or on those of my friends. I was never my intent to write well of them- that's no fun at all. Instead, I intend to prove each and every one of 'em is a sinner or a whore or just a right bastard. That's why they're princes of the earth.

I see this song being sung by Exalts that are bitter or mortals trying to console themselves about not being powerful.

 

Gather 'round ye patrons of this fine and noble inn
 
A tale of the Exalted is what I've come here to spin
 
No tale of bloody bravery, nor of immortal luck
 
I will not stoop to flattery, for every one's a schmuck.

Kamahl the baby-eating man
 
Is Chosen of the Dawn
 
So you never will convince him
 
He should keep his trousers on

Varian's a scruffy bloke
 
Who wields a pair of guns
 
He's got the most diseases
 
Out of all the Rising Suns

Fairweather's a Zenith
 
Of a strong fraternal bent-
 
He'll fraternize all day and night
 
With his abyssal wench

Raise your glasses now and all you mortals raise your voice.
 
Be glad you weren't fucked up enough to be of Lytek's choice.
 
You've got your drink, you've got your song. Be happy where you are.
 
Be glad you you aren't an Exalt, friends. Be glad you're in a bar.

Ashmedai the paragon
 
Has many hidden flaws
 
It seems he likes his lassies
 
Fresh out of their training bras

The maiden known as Verity
 
Is brilliant clear enough,
 
But if you try to tell her so
 
She'll punch your marbles off

Giano is a sorcerer
 
His workshop full of toys-
 
He keeps them on display for when
 
He picks up little boys

Raise your glasses now and all you mortals raise your voice.
 
Be glad you weren't fucked up enough to be of Lytek's choice.
 
You've got your drink, you've got your song. Be happy where you are.
 
Be glad you you aren't an Exalt, friends. Be glad you're in a bar.

Whisper is a pervert
 
Of a most uncommon kind
 
He's only ever happy if
 
He takes you from behind

The ninja called Chrysoberyl's
 
Obsessive, you might say
 
Although he loves his sifu
 
He still swears he isn't gay

Tantoru fought with solars
 
And quite fast ran out of luck-
 
But he was just a god-blood
 
So nobody gave a fuck

Raise your glasses now and all you mortals raise your voice.
 
Be glad you weren't fucked up enough to be of Lytek's choice.
 
You've got your drink, you've got your song. Be happy where you are.
 
Be glad you you aren't an Exalt, friends. Be glad you're in a bar.

Builder the Descending Sun's
 
A friend to you and me
 
But really quite disturbing
 
When he's stalking Verity

Davire, the scalawag was killed
 
When Heaven pulled his card
 
But took with him a deathlord
 
So we don't cry very hard

Yomizu is a solar or
 
At least that is the gist
 
But he's so fucking boring
 
We pretend he don't exist

Raise your glasses now and all you mortals raise your voice.
 
Be glad you weren't fucked up enough to be of Lytek's choice.
 
You've got your drink, you've got your song. Be happy where you are.
 
Be glad you you aren't an Exalt, friends. Be glad you're in a bar.

Gossamer is interested
 
In things out of the Wyld
 
It seems this larval deathlord
 
Wants a half-fae bastard child

Riptide was a ne'er-do-well
 
With treasure in his eyes
 
He finally got some booty
 
When he started dating guys

Verdance is a monk who cries
 
When he sees killing blows
 
He even cries at night sometimes
 
While wearing women's clothes

Raise your glasses now and all you mortals raise your voice.
 
Be glad you weren't fucked up enough to be of Lytek's choice.
 
You've got your drink, you've got your song. Be happy where you are.
 
Be glad you you aren't an Exalt, friends. Be glad you're in a bar.

Avi was abyssal
 
Now she's Chosen of the Sun
 
She's so mixed up inside, she's still
 
More goth than everyone

The dragon blood called 'Snow for short
 
A dedicated nun
 
She takes her vows all serious
 
But for the sexy one

Ailia the sidereal
 
Was quite a saucy bitch-
 
She used a six-foot daiklave when
 
She had to scratch her itch

Raise your glasses now and all you mortals raise your voice.
 
Be glad you weren't fucked up enough to be of Lytek's choice.
 
You've got your drink, you've got your song. Be happy where you are.
 
Be glad you you aren't an Exalt, friends. Be glad you're in a bar.

The Fifth and Shattered Crown
 
He keeps his daiklaive in a sheath
 
But look beneath his steel pants
 
And there's nothing underneath

The Iron Tyrant Bound in Chains
 
Of Gold's a hefty name
 
He compensates with it you see,
 
To hide his manly shame

Dancer of the Frigid Blades'
 
A monster in the sack-
 
But don't you get your hopes up,
 
She's a necrophiliac

Raise your glasses now and all you mortals raise your voice.
 
Be glad you weren't fucked up enough to be of Lytek's choice.
 
You've got your drink, you've got your song. Be happy where you are.
 
Be glad you you aren't an Exalt, friends. Be glad you're in a bar.

Rain "The Falcon" Carronen's
 
Quite happy with his lot
 
You never see him run so fast
 
As when he's dodging Plot

Aleric the Crowned Sun
 
A skillful diplomat
 
Was beaten by the ugly stick
 
When last he had a spat

Ardal, in Deadly Beastman
 
Can pitch an ursine fit
 
Betimes while foaming at the mouth
 
He pees a little bit

Raise your glasses now and all you mortals raise your voice.
 
Be glad you weren't fucked up enough to be of Lytek's choice.
 
You've got your drink, you've got your song. Be happy where you are.
 
Be glad you you aren't an Exalt, friends. Be glad you're in a bar.

Moral ambiguity's
 
A staple nowadays
 
When Bec goes 'round in leather pants
 
Abyssals sing his praise

A comely wench is Datara
 
Her Breeding strong and true
 
And if you've essence high enough
 
She'll deign to notice you

Karn is a typical Zenith
 
To principles he'll stick
 
But ask of his religion; He's
 
A frothing lunatic

Raise your glasses now and all you mortals raise your voice.
 
Be glad you weren't fucked up enough to be of Lytek's choice.
 
You've got your drink, you've got your song. Be happy where you are.
 
Be glad you you aren't an Exalt, friends. Be glad you're in a bar.

Chosen of Serenity
 
Is Ina, zombie bait
 
They shamble in from al around
 
-Just looking for a date

The man called the Evangelist
 
would see his Deathlord null
 
The way in which she touches him
 
Is unprofessional

Justicar of the Bloodied Thorn
 
At laughter he does scoff
 
But you would be unfriendly too,
 
If your Deled rotted off

Raise your glasses now and all you mortals raise your voice.
 
Be glad you weren't fucked up enough to be of Lytek's choice.
 
You've got your drink, you've got your song. Be happy where you are.
 
Be glad you you aren't an Exalt, friends. Be glad you're in a bar.

===== Comments =====

I have now contributed to the context for the song, the chorus, and the stanzas on Verdance, Gossamer, and Riptide. All with permission.

-[[Grnegsnspm]]

This may well be the most offensively hilarious thing I've ever seen you create. I am in awe. -- [[teflonshugenja]]

Impressive. -- [[Darloth]]

Nicely done, I had a laugh out of it. ~ [[Haku]]

Hot Damn this is funny.

Update 1/29/06: Added some new verses to reflect the Kolan campaign thus far. More forthcoming soon, I imagine.

-[[Punslinger]]

D207-216-255-90.bchsia.telus.net: *

2005-05-29T02:36:15Z

@@ Line 240: / Line 240: @@
 <b>Be glad you you aren't an Exalt, friends.  Be glad you're in a bar.</b>
 ===== Comments =====
@@ Line 253: / Line 380: @@
 Nicely done, I had a laugh out of it. ~ [[Haku]]
 Hot Damn this is funny.